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rdos
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01 Feb 2019, 5:39 am

Wolfram87 wrote:
Nor did I say it was. I was referring to the lying and the cheating and all the rest of it


Why do you think that people diagnosed with ASD are unable to lie & cheat? I don't think that is part of the diagnostic criteria either, and I'm sure people diagnosed with ASD are capable of both. It's not only part of being human, it's part of animal behavior as well.



Wolfram87
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01 Feb 2019, 5:56 am

Did not say "unable". I said not typical. A typical problem relating to ASD is, for instance, lacking a social filter and being too honest rather than the reverse. It might make sense to say "this person is too honest for their own good, I think they might have ASD". It makes a lot less sense to say "this person is a habitual liar and a cheat, I think they might have ASD".

Having an ASD diagnosis does not exclude one from being a dishonest and disloyal person, but OP says the person in question "won't admit" to their ASD, and without further details we only have her say so that ASD is even a consideration here.


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TheSpectrum
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01 Feb 2019, 6:03 am

People aren't annoyed because they see it as an attack on ASD they are annoyed because the op wants help but won't provide enough information to receive it. This is the second time it's happened in the space of ten days.


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01 Feb 2019, 8:32 am

^ I’m more annoyed that she’s making excuses for this guy.

She will continue to get abuse if she’s okay with it. The guy won’t leave, he gets away with doing what he likes. She has to.

Aspergers isn’t an excuse for that behaviour. Though he seems more like a sociopath to me.



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01 Feb 2019, 8:37 am

Wolfram87 wrote:
I think it's more that this isn't the first time that a woman shows up asking for help with her nasty, lying, cheating borderline abusive husband/boyfriend/crush who in no way acts in a recognizably ASD manner, and asks us to make sense of it because he may or may not have ASD.


^ That was the underlying theme in my opinion left unchecked: the linkage of Aspergers, male and many very toxic behaviors written as a foregone conclusion. I also agree that I see a pattern here.

Perhaps I'm a bit overly cautious after a recent post about a toxic website and a surge afterward in what I feel might be bogus new members, but anytime a new member posts, there is a part of me that looks at the posts in the interest of vetting them. Sadly, I don't think we can assume that every new member is legitimate.

I'm not saying I'm certain there's such an issue in this particular case. I hope there isn't. For the new members that are legitimate, it would be assumed they'd take umbrage with such suspicions, object to them and continue their dialogue and participation.


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05 Feb 2019, 10:33 pm

Get yourself a new man. Asperger's is one thing but he's just an a-hole.



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05 Feb 2019, 10:36 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
People aren't annoyed because they see it as an attack on ASD they are annoyed because the op wants help but won't provide enough information to receive it. This is the second time it's happened in the space of ten days.

Is that pic you? You're a cutie!



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08 Feb 2019, 1:47 am

In this scenario it doesn't matter if he accepts he has Aspergers or not.

You feel worthless and disposable to him because that is how he is treating you. Actions speak louder than words. You are free to keep loving him but that doesn't mean you have to accept his crap and abuse. In fact you SHOULDN'T. Only you can make the call of whether you think you deserve to be treated better though.

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He lies about things of a sexual-cheating nature. He lies about a lot of things actually - made up stories and things that I’ve chosen to overlook. I accept his sexual behavior. I would just appreciate honesty and loyalty. Is that expecting too much from him?


Yes, that's expecting too much of anyone. You're asking for two things that are opposing each other. You're okay his cheating, but what his loyalty?? This is kind of an either or thing. You can't cheat and be loyal to at the same time - it doesn't work.

Understand his behavior in your relationship is not acceptable for someone with ASD or an NT. He appears to lack the maturity and willingness that is needed to be put into a relationship. If you remain with him he will only hurt you more, because you are not going to be able to change this. He has to want to and looks quite clear that he doesn't


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TheSpectrum
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08 Feb 2019, 10:16 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
People aren't annoyed because they see it as an attack on ASD they are annoyed because the op wants help but won't provide enough information to receive it. This is the second time it's happened in the space of ten days.

Is that pic you? You're a cutie!

Yup, it's me. Thank you.


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AngelRho
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08 Feb 2019, 12:19 pm

rdos wrote:
Wolfram87 wrote:
Nor did I say it was. I was referring to the lying and the cheating and all the rest of it


Why do you think that people diagnosed with ASD are unable to lie & cheat? I don't think that is part of the diagnostic criteria either, and I'm sure people diagnosed with ASD are capable of both. It's not only part of being human, it's part of animal behavior as well.

Anybody can cheat. My issue is I feel like everyone is inside my head, so choosing to lie/cheat has always been something I did when I felt trapped. The solution is simple: don’t stay in a bad relationship! And by that I mean any relationship you can’t commit to, even if the other person is a great person. If lying etc. is in the picture, end it.

More so than if you’re the guilty one, don’t tolerate it from your partner, either.