As a guy ~

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I don't really know how to talk to you because I don't really understand your communication style. I've encountered a few other people like that on this forum as well as in life. Perhaps the women who know you have the same problem, there seems to be a bit of a language barrier. I really have no idea what to make of your response. You're speaking English, the same language as me, but somehow I have not much of a clue what you are actually trying to say to me. What do you mean you are "guilty by association"?--are you saying what I said was that you are responsible for all sexism because you're a guy? Because that's not what I meant at all, I just meant that specifically when you say things like the way women react to sexism in your industry "dismays you" it makes it seem like bothers you about sexism in your industry is how women respond to it, not that it's there in the first place for women to have to respond to in some way.

It also doesn't help that you don't quote the person you are responding to in your response, so I can't tell what parts of my comment you are addressing with which parts of your own comment. If you quote the person you are responding to, and break up your response accordingly to correspond with what you are responding to, it will make your meaning much clearer. You leave too much guess work for the person you are communicating with to do by being indirect, and then seem to get frustrated with people for not being able to fill in the blanks by reading your mind. That's not a reasonable way to expect to be able to communicate with people, you have to say what you mean more directly and not leave so much of what you intend out and instead talk about irrelevant details and frivolities of language.

If I may use a clumsy analogy, trying to have a conversation with you is a bit like trying to nail jello to a wall.

Try using the quote feature of this forum, it's there for a reason. Conversations are supposed to be exchanges, not unidirectional directives fired at people. I think making small changes like this in the way you communicate with people will have more of an impact on your interactions than you might believe. By not quoting people when communicating online you are setting a tone, whether you are aware of it or not, that is almost like you are dismissive of or half-ignoring the person you are having a conversation with. Everyone following the thread has to guess who you are speaking to. It's just a little bit rude.

I don't know, other than to say learn to better recognize other geeks that you can relate with. Just because there are not a lot of women in your particular field or industry doesn't mean there aren't a lot of female geeks in the world that you might be able to relate to better than your average non-geeky person, if you just opened your mind a little. One doesn't have to be a tech or engineering geek to be a geek--one just needs to have an over-riding and long-standing fixation and obsession combined with a natural facility with a particular topic. With women, for various different cultural and biological reasons, their geekiness is more often channeled into other subjects than tech. That's just how the world is right now, that's how people are. So learn how to find and connect with those geeky women, would be my suggestion--and be more open-minded towards the different things they are geeky about as you want them to be open-minded to the things you are geeky about. That's probably where your best chances at compatible companionship lie.

When you're talking to women do you flirt with them?

Or are you simply making conversation?

If you aren't flirting with them, they may not know you're interested.

Try this.

When you're talking to a woman you desire romantically, make sure to gaze softly into her eyes for longer than you would look at most people. Don't make it a constant stare, but if she's making steady eye contact with you, you do it too, at least for longer than you usually would look at someone. Courting can begin through a look, a shared gaze.

Say suggestive comments to test the waters of whether she desires you. This is the safer way to approach women rather than bluntly asking them on dates. It's less pressure and embarrassment for both sides. Here's an example.

Her: I'm having issues with my computer, the internet keeps crashing.
You: Maybe I could help you with it. I like to keep on top of things (hint: this is the sexual innuendo part).

If she smiles or looks intrigued by what you just said, she might be interested. If she starts using innuendo too, that's a good sign she probably is interested.

Another thing to try. Ask her "Do you have any plans for the weekend?". If she says "nothing" or "I don't know" reply "You do now. You're going on a date with me."

This is both a joke because it sounds absurd to simply tell someone they're going on a date with you, so it might make her laugh, and it's also showing confidence and the ability to lead, two things women are often attracted to. Also, if she rejects you, it's less painful this way than asking "Shall we go somewhere this weekend?" because if you get a "no" to that question it's like you left yourself wide open to be shot down, and you will feel stupid.

I have trouble with too much eye contact. I was basically trained to maintain eye contact. (seriously, liked locked on target) after a minute or so its so stressful I tend to zone out, still maintaining the stare apparently. Its caused me a lot of trouble, but I'm struggling to un-learn it.

I don't think it is a good idea to seek partners based on similar interests, which includes geeky interests. It's so much better to create shared interests with somebody you like a lot, or even better, have a crush on.

I really dislike (sexual) innuendo. I don't think there is any valid reason for learning anything about dating or other NT tricks in the relationship area. Just act naturally and you will "attract" compatible people, which is the ones you have potential with.

Telling someone they are going on a date with you, rather than asking them to go on a date with you, is rather pushy and aggressive, not confident. Confidence would be the ability to ask someone if they want to spend time with you but not being personally insulted if they say no. If you have to demand people go out with you to avoid rejection, you are not acting confidently. That's just not a good strategy to tell guys, especially nowadays. You want to avoid bulldozing over other people's boundaries and choices like that.

THE advice given by fifasy sounds 100% like my XH he did both of those things (innuendos and all)
However I found it disconcerting but obviously I had to pretend it was ok as I was already trapped with him

But other women found him extremely charming and attractive no matter what

so I guess it works with NT women

N im guessing NT women are the target for most men regardless of neurology, as NT women seem to be more ‘together’ ‘capable’ and socially appealing as well as well groomed and interested in Cosmo type things. Nobody wants somebody with ‘issues’

Why?

No, but because aspies are more rare than pandas, number-wise.

There are plenty of NT women with issues as well.

In My experience it seems to me most aspie women don’t want aspie men just like most my women don’t. Aspie women are few compared to nts so if the same percentage won’t dste aspie men targeting them seems pointless as they do few aspie women and so few of those who’d dste you and then there’s weather they would like the other non aspies things about you(interests, hobbies, physically looks etc). Better off targeting the few nt women who’d date aspies.
I don’t think most aspie men would reject a compatible female aspie if they met her.

As boo said there’s nt women with issues, strange nt women, and nt women who either grew up with aspie people or had aspie friends and are accepting of aspies.

Nt men are the target for most aspie women as well.

It’s turning into a men vs women thing and was not intended to be so I’ll not argue on that. My point is that NT women might appreciate that advice even if it sounds odd to us as I noticed they did with my XH even if it wasn’t directed at them

Nope, it's simply not realistic to expect aspies, regardless of gender, to seek only aspies because they are too rare and too geographically apart around the globe. I've never met another aspie in my life, neither man nor woman.

Also the thing is not printed on people's foreheads.

Um. What are you guys turning this into?

My point was that fifasy’s advice may seem unlikely to work on us (ASd) but on NTs it can work. I mentioned ASd women bcuz the advuce was about women- my other point was to illustrate with an example from personal experience that to an ASD woman like myself it is disconcerting to be spoken to like that (ie that the reaction is the same as the ASD men here have voiced ahead of me) but the majority of NT ladies I saw (who seem to be an ideal anyway as they are more socially adept and perhaps physically know how to adapt themselves to appeal more based on stuff like peer or media pressure) did not seem to mind such talk at all

Frankly, fifasy’s advice is unlikely to work with any woman who's not into the man already. This in no way can work on a stranger or a mere acquaintance.