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idonthaveanickname
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 5 Feb 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 163
Location: Chicago, IL

15 Mar 2019, 3:38 pm

Hello! I'm just looking for advice on how to emotionally detach myself from a friend of mine. We're not in a committed relationship, but my emotional attachment to him is getting problematic. He doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, which is frustrating in itself. Once I get emotionally attached to someone, it's extremely difficult for me to let him go, unless he mistreats me in some way, or decides to kick me to the curb. I'm always thinking about him, wondering where he is, what he's doing, who he's with, and it's driving me crazy! It's like I have no control over what thoughts I have about him come into my brain, mostly negative and distressing thoughts. I get downright obsessed with the guy. It's having a negative impact on my life and I'm trying desperately to find a therapist and/or self-help books about emotional detachment to get me through this. It's almost unbearable, the emotional torcher I experience day in and day out. It's only when he comes over to my apartment that I'm truly happy. And when he's not around, I'm miserable. I just really need to figure out a way to emotionally detach myself from him without having to put an end to giving him massages and sex, which I might have to do, even though I don't want to and neither does my friend. I don't want to hurt him. He already knows how I feel about him. But I don't know how much more emotional turmoil I can take. It seems like each time he comes over, my feelings for him get stronger. Now they're stronger than ever. So if there are any suggestions or advice that someone can give me, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!



BeaArthur
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15 Mar 2019, 4:00 pm

If someone asked you this same question about a situation in their life, what would you tell them?


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Anngables
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Joined: 26 Jan 2016
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15 Mar 2019, 5:41 pm

No contact is the only way. The trouble with an obsession is every bit of contact drip feeds it. If you cut yourself loose you will begin to lose the Adrenalin rush you get when you have contact. It’s tough but really is the only way, a bit like giving up cigarettes or drugs. Take care



Tim_Tex
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Joined: 2 Jul 2004
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Location: Houston, Texas

16 Mar 2019, 3:36 am

I struggle with getting emotionally attached to people.

When I fall for someone, I fall hard for them. :(


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SameStars
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Joined: 17 May 2014
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16 Mar 2019, 4:22 am

Protect yourself emotionally and cut the contact.