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sly279
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06 Apr 2019, 2:22 am

If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.


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blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 3:44 am

sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?


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sly279
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06 Apr 2019, 4:06 am

blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Apr 2019, 8:49 am

I once went skinny-dipping with a platonic woman friend.



blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 11:45 am

sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.

My point is this. If you wanted to spend some time with a male friend or say you had a sister and spent some one on one time with her you wouldn't think of it as a date. So I am curious, what makes it different if you had a female friend and wanted to spend some one on one time with her?


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sly279
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06 Apr 2019, 1:58 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.

My point is this. If you wanted to spend some time with a male friend or say you had a sister and spent some one on one time with her you wouldn't think of it as a date. So I am curious, what makes it different if you had a female friend and wanted to spend some one on one time with her?

I don’t have female friends and I’d be sexually and romantically attracted so it’s be no go.
If you can’t see the difference between sister and random woman i dont know what to say. Male friends is simple. I’m not attracted to men as I’m not gay.
Two single non related people of opposite genders who one or both find the other attractive hanging out alone would be seen as a date by one or possible both. This is how the world works. Most people don’t verbally or text state it’s a date, they just go hang out, go to dinner, go to movies, get a cup of coffee and both consider it a date without every saying it’s a date. When they do this more then once it’s considered dating. If people see them together they think they’re dating.
If a woman doesn’t want it to be a date she makes it clear it’s not verbally. Men too. This guy invited my sister out but said “as friends” before he clarified it she thought it was going be a date as she has feelings for him.

It’s not that complicated


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blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 2:46 pm

sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.

My point is this. If you wanted to spend some time with a male friend or say you had a sister and spent some one on one time with her you wouldn't think of it as a date. So I am curious, what makes it different if you had a female friend and wanted to spend some one on one time with her?

I don’t have female friends and I’d be sexually and romantically attracted so it’s be no go.
If you can’t see the difference between sister and random woman i dont know what to say. Male friends is simple. I’m not attracted to men as I’m not gay.
Two single non related people of opposite genders who one or both find the other attractive hanging out alone would be seen as a date by one or possible both. This is how the world works. Most people don’t verbally or text state it’s a date, they just go hang out, go to dinner, go to movies, get a cup of coffee and both consider it a date without every saying it’s a date. When they do this more then once it’s considered dating. If people see them together they think they’re dating.
If a woman doesn’t want it to be a date she makes it clear it’s not verbally. Men too. This guy invited my sister out but said “as friends” before he clarified it she thought it was going be a date as she has feelings for him.

It’s not that complicated

Yes, it's not that complicated, it's not a random person, it's a friend. If I started developing romantic feelings for said friend, it would no longer be platonic and I could see your point of view.


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sly279
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06 Apr 2019, 3:36 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.

My point is this. If you wanted to spend some time with a male friend or say you had a sister and spent some one on one time with her you wouldn't think of it as a date. So I am curious, what makes it different if you had a female friend and wanted to spend some one on one time with her?

I don’t have female friends and I’d be sexually and romantically attracted so it’s be no go.
If you can’t see the difference between sister and random woman i dont know what to say. Male friends is simple. I’m not attracted to men as I’m not gay.
Two single non related people of opposite genders who one or both find the other attractive hanging out alone would be seen as a date by one or possible both. This is how the world works. Most people don’t verbally or text state it’s a date, they just go hang out, go to dinner, go to movies, get a cup of coffee and both consider it a date without every saying it’s a date. When they do this more then once it’s considered dating. If people see them together they think they’re dating.
If a woman doesn’t want it to be a date she makes it clear it’s not verbally. Men too. This guy invited my sister out but said “as friends” before he clarified it she thought it was going be a date as she has feelings for him.

It’s not that complicated

Yes, it's not that complicated, it's not a random person, it's a friend. If I started developing romantic feelings for said friend, it would no longer be platonic and I could see your point of view.

Never had a female friend, never will. I have online friends. But I wouldn’t call them friends as we will never meet in person.
To become friends a woman would need to hang out which would be taken as a date unless she said otherwise and I’d likely be attached to her and refuse for said reason.
So I can’t even imagine your situation you’re asking about. As a female friend is impossible for me. I don’t feel a true friend would continue to be friends with a man who has feeling for her as that’d be cruel.

So female friends are limited to online for me.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with women anyways. Women hang with women, men with men, here. Only time it’s cross gender they’re dating. Or doing couples thing.


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blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 4:20 pm

sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If a lady asked me to hang out one on one I’d think it’s a date.

If the lady was a friend, I would think she just want's to hang out. Just the same as if a male, that's a friend, wanted to hang out. So, can you offer any insight? Do you feel like you can have a platonic friendship with a woman?

I have no friends especially no female friends so a woman out of the blue asking me to hang out just me and her would come off as a date.

In person probably not unless they are in a relationship and make that clear at the first meeting.

My point is this. If you wanted to spend some time with a male friend or say you had a sister and spent some one on one time with her you wouldn't think of it as a date. So I am curious, what makes it different if you had a female friend and wanted to spend some one on one time with her?

I don’t have female friends and I’d be sexually and romantically attracted so it’s be no go.
If you can’t see the difference between sister and random woman i dont know what to say. Male friends is simple. I’m not attracted to men as I’m not gay.
Two single non related people of opposite genders who one or both find the other attractive hanging out alone would be seen as a date by one or possible both. This is how the world works. Most people don’t verbally or text state it’s a date, they just go hang out, go to dinner, go to movies, get a cup of coffee and both consider it a date without every saying it’s a date. When they do this more then once it’s considered dating. If people see them together they think they’re dating.
If a woman doesn’t want it to be a date she makes it clear it’s not verbally. Men too. This guy invited my sister out but said “as friends” before he clarified it she thought it was going be a date as she has feelings for him.

It’s not that complicated

Yes, it's not that complicated, it's not a random person, it's a friend. If I started developing romantic feelings for said friend, it would no longer be platonic and I could see your point of view.

Never had a female friend, never will. I have online friends. But I wouldn’t call them friends as we will never meet in person.
To become friends a woman would need to hang out which would be taken as a date unless she said otherwise and I’d likely be attached to her and refuse for said reason.
So I can’t even imagine your situation you’re asking about. As a female friend is impossible for me. I don’t feel a true friend would continue to be friends with a man who has feeling for her as that’d be cruel.

So female friends are limited to online for me.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with women anyways. Women hang with women, men with men, here. Only time it’s cross gender they’re dating. Or doing couples thing.

I wish you would allow for some gray area Sly. Before I met my ex I never would have imagined being married or developing the sort of bond I did. I didn't obsess about being single and just sort of went on living life, but I had no inkling what life had in store for me. I like to think one day life might surprise you, I just hope you'll be open to the idea should it happen.


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06 Apr 2019, 4:55 pm

It's a shy guy thing. Not used to contact with women. Want a woman to love. All women are potential love intetests. Women don't usually want to spend time with me. This woman is special because she does want to spend time with me. This is probably a date.



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06 Apr 2019, 5:00 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
I guess what I am wondering is, could he see what you two have as not being platonic and more of a love interest? How does he act around you?


I quizzed some friends about this. They think he's interested in me.

I just feel naturally at ease with him. That's very unusual for me. We just have an easy way of talking and laughing. He swings between at ease and shy and anxious and blushing around me.

One said, yes of course I can see there's something going on between you.

Maybe he's just scared I'll say no.

Ok. So I gleaned this info from a girls night out... maybe gender only evenings have their uses.



blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 5:37 pm

hurtloam wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I guess what I am wondering is, could he see what you two have as not being platonic and more of a love interest? How does he act around you?


I quizzed some friends about this. They think he's interested in me.

I just feel naturally at ease with him. That's very unusual for me. We just have an easy way of talking and laughing. He swings between at ease and shy and anxious and blushing around me.

One said, yes of course I can see there's something going on between you.

Maybe he's just scared I'll say no.

Ok. So I gleaned this info from a girls night out... maybe gender only evenings have their uses.

I would agree, he is likely scared he could lose what you two have already. Perhaps you can find a way to build up his confidence to the idea that won't happen? My ex built up my confidence, you might want to try my compliments suggestion or make a leap of faith. Maybe wait for more input from others if it will help ease your mind. Good luck.


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blackicmenace
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06 Apr 2019, 5:59 pm

hurtloam wrote:
It's a shy guy thing. Not used to contact with women. Want a woman to love. All women are potential love intetests. Women don't usually want to spend time with me. This woman is special because she does want to spend time with me. This is probably a date.

I guess I do have a rigid way of thinking dates are only romantic which is not true. I am just not that sociable, I don't really make plans or arrange dates. I suppose I am rather eccentric. Thanks for pointing that out to me by the way.


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12 Apr 2019, 8:22 pm

After complaining about never getting to spend time with men I've been to a few things where men have been and I've had a good chance to talk with them. I'm quite amused that after all my complaining I got what I wanted. It's bizzare.

Soooo? What a wonderful thing? Lots of choice?

Nope! All younger than me! Even though I look younger than I am, I'm still too old for these guys.

I hate being older. I feel like I'm past it.

Still no idea if this one I do like has any interest in me or if I'm deluding myself. Maybe if I was younger he would be seriously interested.

I just wanted a whinge. I've got this bad feeling in my stomach like it's all going to go wrong and I'm going to get hurt again. :cry:

But... I walked home tonight thinking, wow, after all these lonely years I've actually got some friends! That's pretty amazing.

I am thankful for that... but I think I'm still going to end up an old single lady.



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12 Apr 2019, 9:59 pm

Please don't do yourself the disservice of thinking you're too old. I gather from what you have said you are beautiful and desirable, you said it yourself, your age doesn't show so why can't guys that are into older woman be attracted to you? Not everyone has an issue with age and the only opinion that matters at this moment is the guy you like, the one your friends confirmed that he was interested in you. You need not lose your confidence, you make him blush! Go get him!


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12 Apr 2019, 10:18 pm

Ah, but they are assuming he likes me. He hasn't told anyone he likes me. They could be wrong. It's just guessing.