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Mountain Goat
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05 Jun 2019, 2:30 pm

If you have a character that latches onto things... I mean.. Let me explain. I am assuming this is an autistic trait as well (As I have this character and don't know if I am on the autistic spectrum or not, but I see this in myself). For me, once I have fully latched onto something I don't let go. So if I date I date for a certain period at a slight distance as I know that if I date and I am very close, I get really hurt if t didn't work. I have dated properly twice. The first one I was very close to and nearly married her and when she suddenly and unexpectedly (She didn't even tell me it was over... She just stopped all contact) ended it, I was so, so hurt I was in absolute pieces inside. I stopped careing for myself. So the second date I tried not to get myself too close though I loved her. And as I dated a lady with asperges who didn't do close it was ok... But I eneded it after a while.
But what I am getting at here... I had to watch I didn't get too close without being 100% the person is the right one as I am a person who tends to be all in and give everything if I fully latch on. I hope this makes sense.
Let me explain it this way. I have two hobbies which both are lifelong hobbies. Both of them I couldn't see me breaking. One is slightly more dominant and this one I would say I wouldn't be me if I wasn't involved in some way in this hobby. I mean... If you found me without this hobby you would assume I was a twin brother! (I am not a twin).
Now if I found a date and we were married, she would be like this hobby to me, but so much more then that. She would always be in my thoughts... My whole life would revolve around her.
Now I do not know, but if you can identify with what I say, you will be the perfect catch. So if what I say is associated to many on the autistic spectrum, I can't see anyone on this planet who will be such a perfect catch to find as you are. So take heart, and don't worry. Ust try not to rush in. Hold yourself back a little until you are sure your date is the right one for you and that the other person thinks the same. Don't rush.. Take your time as sometimes it takes quite a while to get to really know the other person fully as I personally found that the first few months one is blinded by love...
So don't put yourself down. If its meant to be (And I know I am going to marry one day) it will be! Patience my friends... :)


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breaks0
Velociraptor
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Joined: 8 Jul 2018
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 426
Location: New York

05 Jun 2019, 4:15 pm

I haven't met "The One" yet, not one who was interested in me anyway. And my tastes have changed over the years, but the tastes I have now have basically been the same for this whole decade to date, so I think I know what I'm looking for in a woman.

I think you're basically talking about a romantic interest as the emotional equivalent of an SI (or something else of equal significance/centrality to your life). Of course you'll get attached to her (Sorry, I'm assuming you're hetero. Please correct me if I'm wrong). At least that's what alot of particularly guys on the spectrum do, it's just normal for us. And at least some women do too, as posters on this board in particular (but also other boards) have shown on many other threads. And yes I've been that way for the big crushes I've had all my life, going back to primary school (several decades before I was diagnosed 2 years ago). Having always been emotionally intense (I'm starting to learn how to regulate them now), this has usually driven the girl away even as a friend unfortunately, and therefore unsurprisingly caused me plenty of heartbreak.

Therefore, I totally agree w/your advice about going slow and taking your time. If you 2 are compatible and she feels toward you similarly to how you feel for her and there's not much else (or anyone else) standing in the way, then your chances of becoming a couple are good. If you can grow and adapt to the world and each other over time, then you know you 2 may last a while (maybe a long while!). Happy dating sir!



Mountain Goat
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05 Jun 2019, 5:59 pm

Thanks for the reply. I am single. I would feel a little guilty to be dating at the moment as I am not working. Hetero? I am a straight male if that is what it means. :)
As I am older and wizer to realize that the lists of things that I should look for in a lady maybe unrealistic. I do have preferences but finding a lady who thinks I am worth the effort.... Such a lady must be a gem! Haha. I will be quite a catch for the right lady, as quite a few have been surprized that I have not been married yet. :)


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IstominFan
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09 Jun 2019, 12:44 am

I would like to find a nice man, but I have to accept that they may all be taken. I came so late to everything and might have to accept that part of life may be unattainable for me. I have a full life now, but love and dating may be out of the question. I can imagine only being friend zoned or "little sister zoned" because I look much younger than my age, am short (5' 1") and lack a lot of life experience. At 54 (55 in November), things don't look promising in that department.



Mountain Goat
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09 Jun 2019, 6:16 am

IstominFan wrote:
I would like to find a nice man, but I have to accept that they may all be taken. I came so late to everything and might have to accept that part of life may be unattainable for me. I have a full life now, but love and dating may be out of the question. I can imagine only being friend zoned or "little sister zoned" because I look much younger than my age, am short (5' 1") and lack a lot of life experience. At 54 (55 in November), things don't look promising in that department.

Never give up hope. You may not know what will come around the corner. All you have to do is go round corners! :D


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