"Just be friendly."

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I've seen overweight firemen....and obese cops.

I know what you mean, though.

It is likely that Marknis, being in a sedentary job for a long time, isn't in "prime" physical shape.

Then again, I'm not, either. I'm not in "bad" shape, and I can probably pass the minimum requirements for being a cop or fireman (and can certainly pass the requirements for the Armed Forces), but there's much more to being a cop or fireman than mere physical strength and agility.

It's good that Marknis is sticking to the library job for now.

Edited

Last edited by Zack1994 on 29 May 2019, 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've known people who are unfit/overweight get themselves into shape to join the military or fire service. If you're serious enough then a couple of months at the gym or running will help... you may even get to like it. You just don't want to be the unfittest guy in the class on day one.

What am I talking about ? Hmmm

I thought I was typing in English - clearly not.

The THOUGHTS Mark said he had does not constitute a predator. <THIS IS MY f*****g POINT



Seeing as that was what his OP was about it was exactly the point.

I didn't agree with his therapists terminology - bang out of order





More guesswork about Marks demeanor when he has these thoughts

WTF is wrong with people here - rhetorical question

I think I'm on a different wrong planet

Of course these are not, in themselves, "predator thoughts." But they can impel a completely innnocent man (especially a man who is socially awkward to begin with) to behave in ways that can come across to too many women like a possible "predator." Keep in mind, too, that most women need to err on the side of safety, simply because most men are physically stronger than most women.

Alas, an awareness of these facts can create a vicious circle for the man, making him worry even more about how he's coming across, making him behave even more awkwardly, hence even more "creepily" in the eyes of some women.

All the worse might this vicious circle be for an autistic man who, even in everyday interactions not related to dating, may be constantly worrying about stuff like whether he's making the right amount of eye contact or smiling enough.

This is one of the reasons why, in my opinion, we need to work on building autistic-friendly social spaces where oddities in body language are socially accepted, so we all can just stop worrying about this crap.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 29 May 2019, 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know , that's what I said.

Mark, can you post a video of yourself?

In theory the latter may be possible, but that's unlikely. It seems to me that, for many people including many autistic people, a crush tends to impel behavior that makes it harder, not easier, for a relationship to develop.

To SaveFerris: Does the above explain what you are objecting to?

Then perhaps you and various other people had a misunderstanding in this thread? No one else here said that the above-quoted thoughts are actual "predator thoughts" either. Nor is that what Marknis's therapist said.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 29 May 2019, 11:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think we should be encouraging people here to post videos of themselves -- unless they plan to become autism-community public figures, and, even then, they should consider carefully the possible consequences before doing anything that would break their anonymity.

We need to respect people's privacy here, in my opinion.

Blimey , I'm really struggling here. I am going to try and explain one more time , if it doesn't get through , I give up.

I said the therapists comments were BS regarding coming across as a predator due to Marknis stated thoughts.

Having these thoughts do not make you a predator , that's all I f*****g said.

Then I was told "Since his therapist sees him in person, she might be more knowledgeable about how he comes across than we are."

I said "Why did you f*****g comment then?"

Then members all became psychic & s**t and knew exactly how the OP's demeanor is when they have no f*****g clue.

Then it just appears members think I disagreed with the therapist advice when actually I agreed with her advice in my first post , I just didn't like the words she used.


If you can't understand this, my communication skills are getting worse , what's the f*****g point

That would be Reason #3.

People are second-guessing the therapist as if they know the OP better than the therapist, AND as if they know therapy better than the therapist.

There’s a lot of pride and presumption going on around here, and none of it is doing the OP any good. We should all just let his therapist do her job.

Why all of sudden are you concerned that posts are doing the OP no good , it hasn't bothered or stopped you before.
Or has the penny finally dropped for you ?

And I'd better add I agree about letting the therapist do her job, before someone thinks that's my disaproval

I think it's going to be tough to tell when someone is a predator because they act just like everyone else. But the difference is they have ulterior motives. Everyone else just has a motive to meet women and to date them and get to know them to see if they are compatible. By the time you know they are a predator, it's too late. That is what having a ulterior motive is. No one is supposed to know it, not even NTs. I think it just takes social skills to do it.

Of course having these thoughts does not make you a "predator." But do you understand the difference between "coming across as a predator" and actually being a "predator"?

(Not only are these two things not the same, they may even have a negative correlation with each other.)

Marknis didn't say his therapist accused him of actually being a "predator," but only that his therapist cautioned him against coming across like a "predator."


Probably because you appeared to be confusing "coming across as a predator" with actually being a "predator"?


I don't recall anyone claiming to know exactly how the OP's demeanor is. Can you quote an example of someone claiming to know this, rather than just making guesses as to the possibilities?


Indeed it can be argued that her wording was insensitive.

But the issue isn't simply that thoughts like "Should I ask for her number?", "Does she already have a boyfriend?", "Has my time finally come?", "Does she even find me attractive?" do not make someone an actual "predator," because no one here claimed that they do make someone an actual "predator." Nor did the therapist make that claim, as far as I can tell. What the therapist said pertained only to how a man can "come across" in the eyes of women.


You clearly are having a misunderstanding of some sort with most of the other people here. I'm trying to get at the bottom of it. Perhaps the very idea of someone "coming across as a predator" is emotionally triggering for you?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 29 May 2019, 1:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.