if it had been a deeper, more physical, more intimate relationship, I'd say take a month off. Depending on how emotionally invested in this you were, you may consider taking some time to heal, and it's true that online abuse can be just as damaging mentally and emotionally. It's at your discretion, of course, but in my opinion, after taking into account the purely virtual nature of the relationship, if I were you I'd jump right back in. I really don't see a point in waiting UNLESS you really feel the need to. I'm not one to put much value in strictly online dating.
The thing about dating over the internet is you're able to remain anonymous and keep your lovers at a distance. You can be anyone you want to be, do whatever you want to do, because the whole experience exists in fantasy, You can make up a character and make your relationship nothing but roleplay. And there's no limit to how far you can take this ruse, no limit to how many boyfriends you can have at one time, and you have no REAL obligation to tell your bf's what you're really doing. You can catfish all day if you want and never called on it.
But catfishing is a ultimately a bad idea because you assume to much risk of an online lover looking for you. So you really do have to be honest with your boyfriends up to the level they understand that it's online and won't be anything more. You also MUST accept that any or all your boyfriends are doing the exact same thing, and you run the risk that your 'bf' isn't even the opposite sex.
It could be that the relationship goes so far or feels so right that you WANT to cross over IRL. The risk here, assuming best outcomes, is that when you actually meet IRL for the first time, that meeting destroys the fantasy for both of you. Sometimes just seeing someone is enough to tell you that. the relationship isn't going to work out. It's unfortunate, but that's the risk you take. Over time, getting to know enough people, maintaining several relationships, meeting in person, you find that one situation that you know really is going to work, and perhaps you shut down all your other online engagements.
Just from personal experience, I've never had much luck. I went out with this one girl, took her to see a movie, and I thought things went well...but I could tell she really wasn't into me and things fizzled after that. Another girl I met ended up, er...a few pounds heavier than I expected. That wasn't such a bad thing, but she had other bad habits I didn't care for. She'd come across as being very suggestive and sexy in our online interactions, but then when we met it just seemed awkward. She acted disappointed that I didn't seem quite as into her as I had, but personality-wise she didn't exactly give me much to work with. There've been others that I never got to meet for whatever reason, and for all I know it was just some dude, some sick freak with nothing better to do. Those kinds of things tended to not really go anywhere. I don't recall any obvious scammers, but I never had any money or anything to offer, anyway. So if there had ever been any, they lost interest. And then there was some stuff on SecondLife... That's just a part of my life I'm waaay past and a barely think about it. But for me, there's no substitute or replacement for real, f2f contact.
Best wishes to you! I hope things work better for you next time around and that you land someone REAL.
16 Oct 2019, 1:54 pm
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