Claims that a few "super hot men" are hogging all the women

Page 2 of 22 [ 319 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 22  Next

SaveFerris
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,875
Location: UK

22 Jun 2019, 5:47 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Should “really overweight” girls not have standards? 8O

What I mean't is even the "least desirable" girls were putting on airs like they were too good for the likes of me! I guess it's a high self-esteem thing so it caught me by surprise (not what I was expecting).


It sounds more like your high self esteem :lol:


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Twilightprincess
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,919

22 Jun 2019, 5:48 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Should “really overweight” girls not have standards? 8O

What I mean't is even the "least desirable" girls were putting on airs like they were too good for the likes of me! I guess it's a high self-esteem thing so it caught me by surprise (not what I was expecting).

Twilightprincess wrote:
women are not desirous of dating alpha males. Read back over this thread to get a clearer picture.

You can't fight biological programming. As I have posted before girls with lower standards are picked up fairly quickly in high-school or college. What you have left over are the picky ones with high (often unrealistic) standards. The single girls who don't have high standards but still on the market are either not choosing to date due to self-esteem issues or get taken off the market due to their agreeableness to date the first dude who comes around.


Great! Another guy teaching me about my gender. :roll:

I don’t know how I was able to get along before I had guys telling me what I think.



Twilightprincess
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,919

22 Jun 2019, 5:49 pm

Sure, there are some women who are focused on physical appearance but that’s not most women.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 38,756
Location: Stendec

22 Jun 2019, 5:50 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
I really feel sorry for those men who obsess over this kind of thing.
I stopped feeling sorry for them when I realized that they are most likely "Self-Made Losers" -- they seem most likely to blame anyone and anything but themselves for whatever social problems they may have while simultaneously denying that any of their social problems originate within themselves.


_________________
"I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
-- Kurt Cobain (1967 – 1994)


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,278
Location: New York City (Queens)

22 Jun 2019, 5:57 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
I understand why and how women are losing interest in men. Frankly, if I were a heterosexual woman today, I'd very quickly lose interest in men upon coming of age. As a heterosexual man, I've lost interest in women for similar reasons (I believe both masculinity and femininity have declined catastrophically in this part of the world).

But you're not turning gay, just losing interest in sex and relationships generally, right? As far as I can tell, most heterosexual men are not losing interest in women. Men's sexuality tends NOT to be as fluid as women's.

Prometheus18 wrote:
At any rate, I don't think porn is the sole cause of men's ineffectuality and emasculation, but an effect of an underlying cause, which is the cult of self-indulgence and abnegation of responsibility that has emerged since the 60s. They've bought into the pernicious lie that they can enjoy an unlimited amount of pleasure without paying for it and shirk their responsibilities (usually handing them on to the government or their parents (more often parent singular, given the absence of dads, itself a cause of this problem)) and don't know what they've done wrong when women scorn these sorts of attitudes, given that they've unwisely trusted those peddling the above lie.

I don't think the only manifestation of this problem of male ineffectuality is porn, however. To name a few, I'd also list things like rampant drug addiction; the desire to retreat into a fantasy world, usually consisting of video games; the tendency towards gross perversions such as sadomasochism; poor educational performance; juvenile delinquency; sentimentalism; inarticulacy; the cult of mindless thrills in things like the biker culture and films like "Jackass"; the inability to take themselves seriously; slovenly dress; poor hygiene; the eschewal of responsibility; the deferment of marriage and parenthood.

I don't want to be unfair on men though; I reiterate that both sexes have declined in a way that may well ultimately threaten the viability of western civilisation itself, so low is it on social capital.

Above, you've jumbled together a whole bunch of different social trends -- some of which I consider to be bad, some of which I consider to be good, and some of which I consider to be neutral. Among the ones I consider to be bad, some (e.g. drugs) have always been around, with periodic ups and downs.

A major problem I see has been the rise of mass culture and the resulting disappearance, for many people, of a sense of human-scale community. Mass culture is not something most people can participate in directly, and, even for those who do participate directly -- the stars -- it is far from a stabilizing influence. On the contrary, the stars have an incentive to have lives filled with endless divorces, remarriages, quarrels, affairs, etc. as a way to keep themselves in the news and thus keep themselves employed. Thus they are motivated to be very bad role models for everyone else. Also, the products of mass culture include a lot of very unrealistic portrayals of romantic love, which too many people then try to emulate and thereby trip themselves up.

Prometheus18 wrote:
I know it will be controversial, but I've concluded that it's only through a return to traditional, nominally Christian values that there is any hope for the next generation, or even mine.

Religion, traditional or otherwise, is one way that people can regain the sense of human-scale community that most people in the modern West would otherwise lack. Atheists can gain a similar sense of community, but with more modern values, via organizations like the Ethical Culture Society, the Sunday Assembly, and various groups with the word "Humanist" or "Humanism" in their names.

I believe that a return to traditional patriarchy would be an absolute disaster, and not just for women. More about this sometime later. in another thread.


_________________
- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


Last edited by Mona Pereth on 22 Jun 2019, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Prometheus18
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,866

22 Jun 2019, 6:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I really feel sorry for those men who obsess over this kind of thing.
I stopped feeling sorry for them when I realized that they are most likely "Self-Made Losers" -- they seem most likely to blame anyone and anything but themselves for whatever social problems they may have while simultaneously denying that any of their social problems originate within themselves.

I don't disagree with you there, though it's unfortunate that some of them, if people just stopped the mollycoddling for a while, would eventually learn to manage for themselves. It's teachers, parents, the government, doctors, advertisers and everybody else reinforcing their "loserhood" that makes their plight pitiable. I don't think most men want to be losers, it's just that they're told by those people that being a loser is okay, and not a great many of them have sufficient independence of mind to realise they're being lied to for cynical reasons. After all, it's a comforting delusion - at least in the short term.



Prometheus18
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,866

22 Jun 2019, 6:08 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I understand why and how women are losing interest in men. Frankly, if I were a heterosexual woman today, I'd very quickly lose interest in men upon coming of age. As a heterosexual man, I've lost interest in women for similar reasons (I believe both masculinity and femininity have declined catastrophically in this part of the world).

But you're not turning gay, just losing interest in sex and relationships generally, right? As far as I can tell, most heterosexual men are not losing interest in women. Men's sexuality tends NOT to be as fluid as women's.

Prometheus18 wrote:
At any rate, I don't think porn is the sole cause of men's ineffectuality and emasculation, but an effect of an underlying cause, which is the cult of self-indulgence and abnegation of responsibility that has emerged since the 60s. They've bought into the pernicious lie that they can enjoy an unlimited amount of pleasure without paying for it and shirk their responsibilities (usually handing them on to the government or their parents (more often parent singular, given the absence of dads, itself a cause of this problem)) and don't know what they've done wrong when women scorn these sorts of attitudes, given that they've unwisely trusted those peddling the above lie.

I don't think the only manifestation of this problem of male ineffectuality is porn, however. To name a few, I'd also list things like rampant drug addiction; the desire to retreat into a fantasy world, usually consisting of video games; the tendency towards gross perversions such as sadomasochism; poor educational performance; juvenile delinquency; sentimentalism; inarticulacy; the cult of mindless thrills in things like the biker culture and films like "Jackass"; the inability to take themselves seriously; slovenly dress; poor hygiene; the eschewal of responsibility; the deferment of marriage and parenthood.

I don't want to be unfair on men though; I reiterate that both sexes have declined in a way that may well ultimately threaten the viability of western civilisation itself, so low is it on social capital.

Above, you've jumbled together a whole bunch of different social trends -- some of which I consider to be bad, some of which I consider to be good, and some of which I consider to be neutral. Among the ones I consider to be bad, some (e.g. drugs) have always been around, with periodic ups and downs.

A major problem I see has been the rise of mass culture and the resulting disappearance, for many people, of a sense of human-scale community. Mass culture is not something most people can participate in directly, and, even for those who do participate directly -- the stars -- it is far from a stabilizing influence. On the contrary, the stars have an incentive to have lives filled with endless divorces, remarriages, quarrels, etc. as a way to keep themselves in the news and thus keep themselves employed. Thus they are motivated to be very bad role models for everyone else. Also, the products of mass culture include a lot of very unrealistic portrayals of romantic love, which too many people then try to emulate and thereby trip themselves up.

Prometheus18 wrote:
I know it will be controversial, but I've concluded that it's only through a return to traditional, nominally Christian values that there is any hope for the next generation, or even mine.

Religion, traditional or otherwise, is one way that people can regain the sense of human-scale community that most people in the modern West would otherwise lack. Atheists can gain a similar sense of community, but with more modern values, via organizations like the Ethical Culture Society, the Sunday Assembly, and various groups with the word "Humanist" or "Humanism" in their names.

I believe that a return to traditional patriarchy would be an absolute disaster, and not just for women. More about this sometime later. in another thread.


Not the least bit inclined to homosexuality, but still, I see a definite link between a decline in my interest in women over the past few years and their lack of femininity, just as women seem to be put off by men's lack of masculinity, unless I've misunderstood your OP.

Everything you've said here is sensible enough, though "patriarchy", like most buzzwords, strikes me as something of a bogeyman. I don't think there's much appetite among traditionalist Christians for say, denying women the vote. Certainly not for me.

I also wonder which of the negative trends I listed you would consider good.



Twilightprincess
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,919

22 Jun 2019, 6:13 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I understand why and how women are losing interest in men. Frankly, if I were a heterosexual woman today, I'd very quickly lose interest in men upon coming of age. As a heterosexual man, I've lost interest in women for similar reasons (I believe both masculinity and femininity have declined catastrophically in this part of the world).

But you're not turning gay, just losing interest in sex and relationships generally, right? As far as I can tell, most heterosexual men are not losing interest in women. Men's sexuality tends NOT to be as fluid as women's.

Prometheus18 wrote:
At any rate, I don't think porn is the sole cause of men's ineffectuality and emasculation, but an effect of an underlying cause, which is the cult of self-indulgence and abnegation of responsibility that has emerged since the 60s. They've bought into the pernicious lie that they can enjoy an unlimited amount of pleasure without paying for it and shirk their responsibilities (usually handing them on to the government or their parents (more often parent singular, given the absence of dads, itself a cause of this problem)) and don't know what they've done wrong when women scorn these sorts of attitudes, given that they've unwisely trusted those peddling the above lie.

I don't think the only manifestation of this problem of male ineffectuality is porn, however. To name a few, I'd also list things like rampant drug addiction; the desire to retreat into a fantasy world, usually consisting of video games; the tendency towards gross perversions such as sadomasochism; poor educational performance; juvenile delinquency; sentimentalism; inarticulacy; the cult of mindless thrills in things like the biker culture and films like "Jackass"; the inability to take themselves seriously; slovenly dress; poor hygiene; the eschewal of responsibility; the deferment of marriage and parenthood.

I don't want to be unfair on men though; I reiterate that both sexes have declined in a way that may well ultimately threaten the viability of western civilisation itself, so low is it on social capital.

Above, you've jumbled together a whole bunch of different social trends -- some of which I consider to be bad, some of which I consider to be good, and some of which I consider to be neutral. Among the ones I consider to be bad, some (e.g. drugs) have always been around, with periodic ups and downs.

A major problem I see has been the rise of mass culture and the resulting disappearance, for many people, of a sense of human-scale community. Mass culture is not something most people can participate in directly, and, even for those who do participate directly -- the stars -- it is far from a stabilizing influence. On the contrary, the stars have an incentive to have lives filled with endless divorces, remarriages, quarrels, etc. as a way to keep themselves in the news and thus keep themselves employed. Thus they are motivated to be very bad role models for everyone else. Also, the products of mass culture include a lot of very unrealistic portrayals of romantic love, which too many people then try to emulate and thereby trip themselves up.

Prometheus18 wrote:
I know it will be controversial, but I've concluded that it's only through a return to traditional, nominally Christian values that there is any hope for the next generation, or even mine.

Religion, traditional or otherwise, is one way that people can regain the sense of human-scale community that most people in the modern West would otherwise lack. Atheists can gain a similar sense of community, but with more modern values, via organizations like the Ethical Culture Society, the Sunday Assembly, and various groups with the word "Humanist" or "Humanism" in their names.

I believe that a return to traditional patriarchy would be an absolute disaster, and not just for women. More about this sometime later. in another thread.


Not the least bit inclined to homosexuality, but still, I see a definite link between a decline in my interest in women over the past few years and their lack of femininity, just as women seem to be put off by men's lack of masculinity, unless I've misunderstood your OP.

Everything you've said here is sensible enough, though "patriarchy", like most buzzwords, strikes me as something of a bogeyman. I don't think there's much appetite among traditionalist Christians for say, denying women the vote. Certainly not for me.


I prefer men who aren’t traditionally and overtly masculine, so I’m in no way put off by men’s lack of masculinity. How are men lacking masculinity today?

I dislike having categories that are so rigidly defined. People are people.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 38,756
Location: Stendec

22 Jun 2019, 6:15 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I really feel sorry for those men who obsess over this kind of thing.
I stopped feeling sorry for them when I realized that they are most likely "Self-Made Losers" -- they seem most likely to blame anyone and anything but themselves for whatever social problems they may have while simultaneously denying that any of their social problems originate within themselves.
I don't disagree with you there, though it's unfortunate that some of them, if people just stopped the mollycoddling for a while, would eventually learn to manage for themselves. It's teachers, parents, the government, doctors, advertisers and everybody else reinforcing their "loserhood" that makes their plight pitiable. I don't think most men want to be losers, it's just that they're told by those people that being a loser is okay, and not a great many of them have sufficient independence of mind to realise they're being lied to for cynical reasons. After all, it's a comforting delusion - at least in the short term.
Oh, but isn't self-esteem more important than success? Isn't praising a person for trying a more significant act than offering suggestions on how to succeed? Wasn't Stuart Smalley on the right track when he taught them all to look in the mirror every morning and say, "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me"?

:roll: Personally, I flip myself off in the mirror every morning, just to beat everyone else to it!


_________________
"I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
-- Kurt Cobain (1967 – 1994)


Prometheus18
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,866

22 Jun 2019, 6:19 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I understand why and how women are losing interest in men. Frankly, if I were a heterosexual woman today, I'd very quickly lose interest in men upon coming of age. As a heterosexual man, I've lost interest in women for similar reasons (I believe both masculinity and femininity have declined catastrophically in this part of the world).

But you're not turning gay, just losing interest in sex and relationships generally, right? As far as I can tell, most heterosexual men are not losing interest in women. Men's sexuality tends NOT to be as fluid as women's.

Prometheus18 wrote:
At any rate, I don't think porn is the sole cause of men's ineffectuality and emasculation, but an effect of an underlying cause, which is the cult of self-indulgence and abnegation of responsibility that has emerged since the 60s. They've bought into the pernicious lie that they can enjoy an unlimited amount of pleasure without paying for it and shirk their responsibilities (usually handing them on to the government or their parents (more often parent singular, given the absence of dads, itself a cause of this problem)) and don't know what they've done wrong when women scorn these sorts of attitudes, given that they've unwisely trusted those peddling the above lie.

I don't think the only manifestation of this problem of male ineffectuality is porn, however. To name a few, I'd also list things like rampant drug addiction; the desire to retreat into a fantasy world, usually consisting of video games; the tendency towards gross perversions such as sadomasochism; poor educational performance; juvenile delinquency; sentimentalism; inarticulacy; the cult of mindless thrills in things like the biker culture and films like "Jackass"; the inability to take themselves seriously; slovenly dress; poor hygiene; the eschewal of responsibility; the deferment of marriage and parenthood.

I don't want to be unfair on men though; I reiterate that both sexes have declined in a way that may well ultimately threaten the viability of western civilisation itself, so low is it on social capital.

Above, you've jumbled together a whole bunch of different social trends -- some of which I consider to be bad, some of which I consider to be good, and some of which I consider to be neutral. Among the ones I consider to be bad, some (e.g. drugs) have always been around, with periodic ups and downs.

A major problem I see has been the rise of mass culture and the resulting disappearance, for many people, of a sense of human-scale community. Mass culture is not something most people can participate in directly, and, even for those who do participate directly -- the stars -- it is far from a stabilizing influence. On the contrary, the stars have an incentive to have lives filled with endless divorces, remarriages, quarrels, etc. as a way to keep themselves in the news and thus keep themselves employed. Thus they are motivated to be very bad role models for everyone else. Also, the products of mass culture include a lot of very unrealistic portrayals of romantic love, which too many people then try to emulate and thereby trip themselves up.

Prometheus18 wrote:
I know it will be controversial, but I've concluded that it's only through a return to traditional, nominally Christian values that there is any hope for the next generation, or even mine.

Religion, traditional or otherwise, is one way that people can regain the sense of human-scale community that most people in the modern West would otherwise lack. Atheists can gain a similar sense of community, but with more modern values, via organizations like the Ethical Culture Society, the Sunday Assembly, and various groups with the word "Humanist" or "Humanism" in their names.

I believe that a return to traditional patriarchy would be an absolute disaster, and not just for women. More about this sometime later. in another thread.


Not the least bit inclined to homosexuality, but still, I see a definite link between a decline in my interest in women over the past few years and their lack of femininity, just as women seem to be put off by men's lack of masculinity, unless I've misunderstood your OP.

Everything you've said here is sensible enough, though "patriarchy", like most buzzwords, strikes me as something of a bogeyman. I don't think there's much appetite among traditionalist Christians for say, denying women the vote. Certainly not for me.


I prefer men who aren’t traditionally and overtly masculine, so I’m in no way put off by men’s lack of masculinity. How are men lacking masculinity today?

I dislike having categories that are so rigidly defined. People are people.

Of course, there are variations from person to person.

The traits listed in the second paragraph of the second quote (mine), seem to me the most troubling manifestations of the emasculation of men today.



Prometheus18
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Aug 2018
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,866

22 Jun 2019, 6:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I really feel sorry for those men who obsess over this kind of thing.
I stopped feeling sorry for them when I realized that they are most likely "Self-Made Losers" -- they seem most likely to blame anyone and anything but themselves for whatever social problems they may have while simultaneously denying that any of their social problems originate within themselves.
I don't disagree with you there, though it's unfortunate that some of them, if people just stopped the mollycoddling for a while, would eventually learn to manage for themselves. It's teachers, parents, the government, doctors, advertisers and everybody else reinforcing their "loserhood" that makes their plight pitiable. I don't think most men want to be losers, it's just that they're told by those people that being a loser is okay, and not a great many of them have sufficient independence of mind to realise they're being lied to for cynical reasons. After all, it's a comforting delusion - at least in the short term.
Oh, but isn't self-esteem more important than success? Isn't praising a person for trying a more significant act than offering suggestions on how to succeed? Wasn't Stuart Smalley on the right track when he taught them all to look in the mirror every morning and say, "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me"?

:roll: Personally, I flip myself off in the mirror every morning, just to beat everyone else to it!

Yes - self-esteem over the achievement that is both its necessary and sufficient condition. You've hit on one of my pet peeves there. :skull:



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,555

22 Jun 2019, 6:25 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Should “really overweight” girls not have standards? 8O

What I mean't is even the "least desirable" girls were putting on airs like they were too good for the likes of me! I guess it's a high self-esteem thing so it caught me by surprise (not what I was expecting).


It sounds more like your high self esteem :lol:

It's one of the reasons I jumped into the Asian pool



breaks0
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 8 Jul 2018
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 426
Location: New York

22 Jun 2019, 6:34 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Lately I've seen quite a few claims by men here that the reason they can't get laid is because vast numbers of "average women" are having sex with just a few "super hot men" or "alpha males." Below I'll post the latest iteration of this claim, from another thread here, and my response to it.

Here, in the thread "Just be friendly.":

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Maybe dating was different 20 or 30 years ago, I don't know, but considering that the ratio between women and men having sex within a single year used to be similar, but now it's come out that men are having sex at significantly lower annual rates and women are having sex at roughly the same annual rates, it stands to reason that some things have changed in the last 20 years.

What is your source of statistics on this matter?

https://www.thedailybeast.com/number-of-men-under-30-who-havent-had-sex-in-last-year-tripled-in-past-decade
Quote:
The share of U.S. adults reporting no sex reached an all-time high last year, according to the latest data from the General Social Survey. Nearly 23 percent of adults between the ages of 18 to 29 were celibate in 2018, more than double the number since 2008...

One surprising result from the data was that a much larger than expected number of the sexless individuals were men. For most of the past three decades, men and women in their twenties reported similar rates of sexlessness. Since 2008, however, the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has nearly tripled—compared to an eight percentage point increase reported among females of the same age group.

Further down in that same thread, here:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image


But of course what I predict:

- WP women will deny the above, this is a given.
- The media is probably blaming it on gaming, and not on the elephant in the room: the rise of online dating (and "coincidentally" it boomed since 2008) which makes getting sex with super hot men very easy for average women, while making it very hard for average men to even get a date with an average woman.

Then, here, I wrote:

Or perhaps more women are now having sex NOT with "super hot men" but with each other? As noted in my previous post, women's sexuality tends to be more fluid than men's. (See this review of the book Sexual Fluidity by Lisa Diamond.) And apparently there has been a trend toward more and more women identifying as lesbian or bisexual, such that lesbian and bisexual women now outnumber gay and bisexual men, whereas, decades ago, gay and bisexual men outnumbered lesbian and bisexual women.

See also Why Are So Many Girls Lesbian or Bisexual? Girls today are three times more likely than boys to be non-heterosexual. Why? by Leonard Sax M.D., Ph.D., in Psychology Today. In particular:

Quote:
Female sexuality is different from male sexuality. If a straight boy kissed another boy, perhaps to amuse some girls who might be watching, he would be unlikely to undergo a change in sexual orientation as a result. But, as Professor Roy Baumeister at Florida State University and others have shown, sexual attraction in many women seems to be more malleable (see note 3 below). If a teenage girl kisses another teenage girl, for whatever reason, and she finds that she likes it—then things can happen, and things can change. If a young woman finds her soulmate, and her soulmate happens to be female, then she may begin to experience feelings she's never felt before.

Especially if all the guys she knows are losers.

Which brings me to the second point I've encountered in my interviews with young people. Twenty years ago, when I opened my practice in a suburb of Washington DC, it was rare to find 14-year-old boys who were looking at pornography every day. Today it's common—in fact, it's becoming the norm. When I meet with a group of 14-year-old boys and I ask them, "how many of you guys subscribe to a porn site?", all hands go up. I don't believe them. But today, no boy wants to admit that he's the weirdo who doesn't look at online porn. Twenty years ago, hardcore pornography was tucked away in adult bookstores. Today any 14-year-old can access such photos online in seconds. Role models for young men, from pop singer John Mayer to the 2009 World Series MVP Hideki Matsui, talk openly about their collections of porn (see note 4, below).

Is there any connection between these two trends—between the rise in the number of young women who self-identify as lesbian or bisexual and the increasing normalization and acceptance of pornography in the lives of young men? Maybe there is. A young woman told me how her boyfriend several years ago suggested that she shave her pubic hair so that she might more closely resemble the porn stars who were this young man's most consistent source of sexual arousal. She now identifies herself as bisexual. "It was just such a welcome change, to snuggle under a blanket on the couch with my girlfriend, watch a movie, and talk about God and death and growing old, to be intimate emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. I don't know a guy who could even comprehend the conversations we have."

Note that the above was published back in 2010. It would be interesting to try to find statistics on whether the above-mentioned trends have accelerated since then.


By all means do more studies I'm all over that. But even being Gen X myself and just having a handful of Millennial friends I can guarantee you it's accelerated from a decade ago! Absolutely no doubts about that at all and the rate of dudes going queer is also up if not as dramatically as it is among women. I have some ideas as to why this is happening but I have to read the rest of the thread so far so I'll leave it to ya'll to explain it. I'm just hear to learn.

But this is also related to the fact that the most popular form of porn for women/girls is lesbian porn as it has been for many years. Some of the reasons for that I've read are women are most turned on (among genres of porn anyway) by seeing other women get what they want from sex and who knows better what that is and how to do it better than another woman? All of this is mainly b/c of socialization not genetics but related to that fact is that women in general want more physical sensuality fioreplay and at least some semblance of romantic love than men do in their sex/love making.

To be perfectly honest women in general are just better at sex than men anyway which is nothing new news-wise (i.e. that women are more likely to be better in the sack than dudes). Additionally Millennials and Gen Zers are far far more fluid than in their gender identities than any previous generations in US history but I think this holds for almost all other rich countries too. It's an important part of the war on patriarchy which is desperately needed at that this f****d up facist time in our history so it's a beautiful thing to see! I think finally women at least are turning to women more than ever before b/c alot of them have just given up on dudes as I see among several posters just on this site. If it's happening in the ND community you can bet it is in the NT community too.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,588
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Jun 2019, 6:34 pm

It is not allowed to talk about other members in a main topic without permission.

My permission is not granted, I request a lock or edit for the main post.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,555

22 Jun 2019, 6:36 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Great! Another guy teaching me about my gender. :roll:
I don’t know how I was able to get along before I had guys telling me what I think.

Sorry wasn't my intention, I'm kind off still trying to give some insight into my dating experiences to males like Marknis (who is probably still reading this stuff)

Twilightprincess wrote:
Sure, there are some women who are focused on physical appearance but that’s not most women.

I think it's a combination but the biological prerogative is still there in all females. The list of positive personality characteristics plus financial factors in not having a steady job that have been (posted here by numerous females as "desirable") are actually "hurdles" for a lot of men.

In my own experience even though I was good looking I went through cash flow problems which mean't I couldn't always afford expensive deodorant, aftershave, pay for dry cleaning jackets/clothes or (for that matter) afford good clothes. I'm pretty sure (especially in my 20s) girls sized me up as the Target/Kmart dude. Plus my accommodation situation was fluid (to borrow a term from Mona)

When I hit my 30s my financial situation changed so suddenly I was "permitted" to enter the friend zone of girls and that's when I started my "Friends" lifestyle minus getting any sex or fulfilling/meaningful relationships.