Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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I have many things which are supposedly "dealbreakers."

I've had many relationships, however.

I'm short.

I'm chubby (especially as I got older).

I'm socially awkward.

I say the wrong thing sometimes.

I don't dress that great.

When I was younger, my hygiene wasn't all that great.


Yet, after I relegated "getting a girlfriend" to the back burner, I achieved more success.

IQ's map, not territory, and the idea seems to be that it's a successful measure of 'G' which is a readily application-based intelligence.

The point seems to be though - your social skills can suffer for being someone others just can't relate to. That can even come down to simply not making all of the popular mistakes or seeing things about situations that other people reliably don't.

You are a rare breed, do you know that? (in a good way)

I am addressing it on a more general level, but I agree with this for the most part. The importpart part here though is that it is seemingly random, we are just not able to explain the individual cases with complete accuracy yet, that does not mean that it is not causal.

I mean...if a man or woman goes around with dirty clothes and doesn't take a shower often, there's less of a chance that this person will find a mate. That's "causal."

Agreed.

However, much of this discussion has been centered around which ONE THING is the MOST IMPORTANT factor when it comes to "attraction," and what is this "one thing" that incels apparently lack.

Several people keep insisting that it's physical appearance, which can't be the case with most incels as most incels (that I've seen) are completely average. I don't think anyone is denying the existence of general trends.

Well, the IQ map seems to relate to degree of Neanderthal ancestry, and so 'G' is not intelligence, but hybrid vigor.

I suspect this is why the IQ concept is changing. If we define IQ as social competence instead of nonverbal skills, then we will measure African ancestry instead.



I agree with that, but it only makes a difference in the relationship area if you use dating and other NT methods of finding a partner.

Without reading 28 pages, in my experience, what takes a man from a half-way decent looking guy to attractive is how he makes a woman feel. Some men have a gift for making a woman feel she is the center of the universe, a wonderful and desired being worthy of riches and accolades. Women don't want to feel they are being taken from, they want to feel like they are being given to.

Sometimes even a very good looking guy makes you feel like he is trying to take from you, instead of exchanging with you. He will strike out. You can get an average guy, though, who knows how to lift you up with just a look. He will get the dates. It isn't about what the guy's goals actually are, it's about how he makes you FEEL. This a something that isn't obvious to anyone observing from the outside. You have to be the one receiving the attention to understand what is happening.

On a dating app you obviously can't really know at all. I would suspect women are evaluating what they think they see in the guy's eyes, or his profile words. Something that takes him beyond genetics and into attractiveness.

What I suspect is the problem with most incels is that they don't interact with women in a way that feels like an exchange, where the woman feels she is being given something she needs. I'm not talking money; it can be self-esteem, emotional support, and all sorts of intangible attributes that are important to developing relationships. It can even be the opportunity to feel needed (the classic "fix him" case). Every post I've read from these men is filled with "take." Why would any woman give herself to someone who isn't going to give her back anything she wants or needs, and just wants to "take"? These men seem to fixate on how other men "take" sex, without seeing that in the moment, at least, that guy must be giving the woman something she feels she needs, whether it is an emotional connection, a "hot" hook up, a sense of hope, or ???? If he isn't, it would be rape. All consensual relationships involve some sort of give and take.

Basically, my opinion as to what these guys lack is the ability to either have, or come across as having, something to give. A guy can be unemployed, ugly and a jerk but if they learn how to make a woman feel valued as a person and desired (but not just a sex object), and they know how to make her tingle with a touch, they will find someone who is interested.

There are many unemployed, ugly, jerky, and dirty guys who seem to have no trouble getting women.....

I used to know some of them.

I devote myself to romantic interests, doesn’t matter cause they never let me close to find out.

Nyc has excess women, so it’s date losers or no one.
My area has excess men, so no reason for women to settle for less then perfect.

I don't feel most people in NYC know that there are more women than men there.

I never noticed a "glut" of women, actually.....

One of many things that keeps me from being an incel is my disdain for the Bible Belt. Incels generally praise the Bible Belt, especially if they are from a liberal area and think it will be an utopia if they move to it.

I never notice worms but on rainy days but they still exist.
Women in nyc pay $50,000 for match making services to find them a bf.
That’s how bad it is. Can’t imagine women paying for match making services anywhere else. There’s 419,870 excess women in nyc. So if you got all the population to line up you’d notice about half million less women for sure. And it’s worse cause most women in nyc are college graduates but most men aren’t. So it’s damn hard for women in nyc to find real men to date.

This was an interesting NYC Econ Dev Corp study from 2012. Note what the finding is re: women of peak dating/marrying age
https://www.nycedc.com/blog-entry/ratio ... -women-nyc

Using Census data, we analyzed only the population who are never married singles between the ages of 20 and 34. In this subgroup, men outnumber women—742,400 to 729,500.

This is still largely true. It's also true it's still difficult for women to find a single man in NYC to marry, especially older ones as the male "pool" is relatively young. If you are over 35 in NYC you are limited to divorced men and lifelong bachelors. And from my own personal experience those guys are looking for sex, not relationships.

I was a “real man” even before I graduated from college.

I was a “real man” before I even STARTED to go to college at age 36.

I was a “real man” even when I was fired from a job when I was 18.

And guess what:

You’re a “real man,” too.

I used to hang out with lots of men who had trouble finding a girlfriend.