Precursors Alluding To Long-term Dating Failure

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In hindsight, I can see things that happened in the past that alluded to the fact that I might have long-term dating failure.

The first being when I was in preschool, I had significant difficulties making friends and successfully interacting with my peers. This is how I received my aspergers diagnosis. I've never been good at making new friends, and I would be forced to conclude that the same is true of forming romantic relationships.

When I was about 12, starting puberty, I started really taking an interest in girls and romantic relationships, and when I was 13 and my brother was 12, he got his first relationship. As time went on and my younger brother was getting in and out of relationships while I'd never even had one despite really wanting one, that caused a lot of distress for me, and I think it's because subconsciously I knew that with my inferior social skills and everything else, the trajectory I've trodden up until now was likely to be my future. In other words, getting a girlfriend wasn't going to "just happen" for me, and it was going to be an uphill battle.

When I was about 16, I was on a social networking site that was pretty much a dating site. Users would offer to rate other users on appearance if they "liked" their status. When doing this, I was consistently given the lowest rating that the girls were comfortable giving anybody, sometimes tying with a couple of other guys but never higher than anyone. The takeaway message from that was pretty clear, women (or at the time, girls) by-and-large don't find me attractive.

I had an inkling that I would struggle with dating, but as a teenager, I never thought that I would make it to 23 without ever having a girlfriend. Being single forever is essentially my worst nightmare, and it's showing no signs of changing.

For those struggling with long-term dating failure, did you have things in your life that you can point to in hindsight and single out as a precursor to your dating struggles?

I had trouble interacting socially going back to preschool although I was often in my own world. A part of me felt like I was going to be a little boy forever since it seemed like that while another thought I was going to just be like all the “grown ups” just like that with no effort on my part at all. It didn’t help that I was constantly told God had a “plan” for me with no real explanation or specifics on what that “plan” was. It was supposedly something unique to everyone and you just had to wait for it to happen, even if you were destitute, suffering from cancer, missing limbs, and suffered a psychological or psychiatric affliction. Needless to say, I had a lot of deconstructive thoughts. I, too, got my diagnosis at an early age but I didn’t truly know I had Aspergers until I was 17.

When I first got interested in girls due to hormones kicking in as well as boys changing attitudes towards girls as far as general interactions with them, I wanted a girlfriend but didn’t know how to get one and when I was told to ask a girl for a date, I became anxious to the point the only time I tried it, I told the girl I was kidding to avoid rejection. My interactions with the opposite sex up to that point weren’t exactly the best. I would say or do things the girls my age didn’t like and they would let me know it. I also had a female swim teacher physically harm me; I remember her growling my name and hitting my head with a plastic ring when I was climbing up the pool ladder. My parents were also not supportive of the idea of dating and would tell me things like “You don’t need a girlfriend!” and they would keep saying those things until I actually agreed with them except for when I “got to college”, a stupid idea that got planted in my head by some of my classmates. They were probably basing this off of stories from their parents.

My older brother had girlfriends during this era of my life and I developed feelings of jealousy that sub-planted the wait for college but it didn’t really make me depressed or at least not as bad as it makes me feel now. Oddly, one of his girlfriends told my brother to tell me to go into his room while she was there and she kissed my cheek before telling me to go. I never saw her again after that but it never crossed my mind to seek her out. I couldn’t anyway. I didn’t have a vehicle like him and the place where we lived at the time was close to the country so it was isolating to a certain extent. Strangely, one time I was outside, some girls were driving a golf cart across the lawns of the neighborhood and they stopped to talk to me briefly before driving off. My older brother sometimes threw parties and girls would come over but I was beneath their notice and they would always talk to the other guys as well as my older brother. I felt left out and had no idea what to say so I would go back to my room and just stay there until getting up for breakfast the following morning. It was like I wasn’t allowed to go beyond a certain stage with the opposite sex.

Despite that, I kept visualizing about having a loving girlfriend who would become my wife and I would start a family. If so many around me could do it, why would I be any different? After all, God had a “plan” for me. But my 17th birthday rolled around and I was still alone in my room every Friday night while my older brother was out with a new girlfriend. I started feeling deprived and started visualizing being alone forever. It was like a depression seed had finally germinated and was growing slowly but surely. I am 31 now and the depression “plant” still feeds off my despair.

Not only in hindsight.
I had social anxiety starting sometime between age 7 and 9 that made me unable to interact with people in most contexts. Of course I knew by 10 or so that you couldn't have normal adult relationships or a job if you were that way. Somehow my parents didn't draw that conclusion. At that age I also didn't draw the conclusion that this meant I had to try to change. I merely didn't think much about the future, because there didn't seem to be anything to look forward to. I wasn't a depressed child. I merely didn't have a plan for the future and didn't try to think about it.
At that age an inability to have a relationship didn't bother me. The first time I had a crush on someone was at age 15. The first time I had an interest in relationships was at 17 and I still had a crush on the same person as two years earlier. I started being depressed between 17 and 18 because at that point my inability to get into a relationship started to matter and because high-school was coming to an end which meant I wouldn't see the guy I had a crush on anymore and I still didn't have a plan for the future or thought that I could possibly have one given how dysfunctional my mind was.
I finished high-school and dropped out of university. At that point I knew I needed to do something about my social anxiety, because neither further education nor a job were feasible. Half a year later I tried university again. I had some difficulties, not academically but psychologically, but this time I finished my Bachelors degree.
There were few guys who tried to get to know me at that time, but I screwed it up every time because of my social anxiety and because I still had a crush on that other guy. On a conscious level I was desperate for a relationship, but on a semi-conscious level it didn't feel right to try to get into a relationship with someone while I had stronger feelings for someone else.
By age 22 that crush started to fade and by 23 it was gone. After finishing high-school I only saw him a couple of times. I still like him, but not like that.
I was in and out of depression till about 24. Since then I've not always been perfectly fine but I've not been depressed. My desire for a relationship started to lessen a bit earlier. I'm not exactly where I should be at my age, but at least it is plausible now that everything else in my life but the relationship-aspect will turn out alright.

I had no interest in romantic relationship until I stumbled into my 1st one at 20. We were very close best friends before she told me she liked me. I was desperate for a relationship after that ended. I was expecting some difficulties getting in another relationship cuz I know I have my various disabilities, issues, & quirks but at 1st I really thought getting in another relationship would be a lot easier than it turned out to be. I thought I just had to put myself out there so to speak which was the main advice I got from others in the beginning but it was no where near as easy as others made it sound. Lots of women offline liked me as a friend but none were actually interested in me romantically & some even thought I was gay. After a while I thought I might could meet another woman online. I had met my 1st girlfriend on a forum so I tried meeting other women on forums & on dating sites & no women were interested in me romantically. Some women & guys got upset with me cuz they thought I was too desperate & that I was coming off as a misogynist when I posted & complained about my struggles getting someone even thou in reality I'm a strong feminist. I gradually started to realize that my disabilities, issues, & quirks were the major problems as to why I couldn't get in another relationship. I don't have my sh!t together with life due to my disabilities which is a major women repellent. The best jobs I can get are minimum wage type jobs & it may of been OK for me to have those jobs if I was in skewl but it is NOT attractive to have those types of jobs in your mid 20s especially if your not going to skewl & are just working full time. I also cant drive & lived in a rural area with no public transportation so I was forced to be dependent on my parents to go most anywhere & they gripped about it which is also another women repellent. I'm also socially awkward & have communication problems with NT women. I'm very direct & straightforward & need others to be with me but NT women are very indirect which leads to misunderstandings. I come off as very blunt & harsh sometimes & others put words in my mouth & get very offended by what i say when I don't even know what I said or did wrong. I was single & looking for 8 years before I got in my 2nd relationship & that ended about 6 months later & I was single again for another few months before I got in my current relationship.

What's the use of "precursors"-----why not look into the future?