Establishing A Social Network To Meet A Partner

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I actually have short-medium hair and a long beard, but point taken.

Are you sure this still applies in his generation?

Yep

There are actually many things that point in that direction.



I think that is because many public figures in the autistic community are highly verbal, which actually is not representative of the collective as a whole. This is something you will notice on Aspie gatherings too. The highly verbal people will talk most of the time, and also are those who typically arrange things. However, if you study the collective as a whole, you will also notice that many are shy & introvert and talk very little.

My main inspiration have been myself, and I know I prefer to minimize talking in every context, and particularly in a relationship.

I'll give you a few hints why this is likely so for a majority:
1. Being shy and introvert both are strongly correlated to autism and being ND.
2. Autistic guys have a lot of trouble initiating verbal contact with girls they fancy.
3. Autistics and NDs have trouble talking about (and verbalizing) feelings.

Bingo.

Actually, the blogs I've looked at include a few by people who are nonspeaking, though they can type (e.g. Mel Baggs and Amy Sequenzia). Even they assume that they will always need to communicate with other people via typing and/or pictures. I don't recall seeing them express a desire to communicate purely via body language and/or telepathy.


Actually what I've noticed (much to my annoyance) is a lack of effort, by the more verbally-fluent leading members, to structure things so the less verbally-fluent members can more easily get a chance to talk if/when they want to.

I myself am not as verbally fluent as many of the other people there are. I have some difficulties with fully processing what the other people are saying in real time, and it's often hard for me to get a word in edgewise. I have difficulty with group conversations unless they are highly structured and focused. One-on-one conversations are easier. In conversation, my mind needs something to focus on, either a person or a topic.


You seem to be fine with writing/typing, though, at least here on Wrong Planet, even though you may dislike using your voice to talk. Do you dislike even writing/typing in the context of a relationship?


That's the part that seems very odd to me.


Being "shy" and "introvert" can mean many different things. I am shy in some contexts, but not in others. I am "introvert" in the sense of preferring to be in a room by myself during the majority of my waking hours, and in the sense of having a rich inner life. I would expect very few people to be "shy" or "introvert" in the extreme sense of having an aversion to all verbal (vocal or written) communication with all other people all the time.


That's certainly true for many autistic guys, but that doesn't necessarily imply that they would continue to be uncomfortable talking to their girlfriends once the relationship is fully formed and on a secure footing.


Indeed, about half of all verbal autistic people are alexithymic, according to statistics I've seen. I don't think I have full-blown alexithymia, but I too tend to feel awkward talking about feelings. When doing interpersonal problem-solving, I prefer not to focus on feelings, but instead to focus on needs (including possibly very idiosyncratic needs, not necessarily the "universal human needs" of Nonviolent Communication and similar methodologies), goals, and getting to the bottom of people's differing perceptions.

I’m not talented. I’m not good any anything and I’ve tried a lot. Just suck and mess things up.

As I mentioned previously, you can do this by having more dynamic settings. If you sit in a restaurant, most of the people will sit at one spot all the time, and won't circulate. NTs would typically circulate (mingle), but this simply is not natural for many autistics / NDs, and so we tend to sit where we happened to find a seat. It will be fine in a small group of people, but if you cannot fit around a round table so everybody can participate, chances are you will just sit in silence unless you happen to end up in the company of somebody you already know and like. That's why walking, possibly with some agenda, is a better alternative.



That's mainly because ND relationships are my special interest for the moment. If we had talked about something else, I'd likely not answer.



I prefer to use monologue in that context. I'll write about something I find interesting or share links or messages that other's wrote.



Well, I'm fine writing about things I find interesting (and also talking about them), but I don't like to talk just because you should always keep a conversation going. So, it is more that I prefer to be silent unless I have something interesting or important to talk about. When you are in a relationship or know each other very well, then there is seldom a reason to talk a lot, and much of the talking in typical relationships seems to be useless and boring peeking or related to feelings.



Well, I think it is important to know if my partner is feeling bad or have some issue with something, but I don't want to get to know that through talking and peeking them. I just want to know it. That only works if I have a mind-to-mind connection or if she tells me herself without me needing to peek her.