Establishing A Social Network To Meet A Partner

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nick007
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07 Aug 2019, 7:06 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2019, 9:17 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The reality is I spend most of my free time watching videos on YouTube, or tv shows, and browsing the internet.

What kinds of videos and TV shows? Any particular common themes or genres?

I would suggest that you ponder your tastes in videos and TV shows, and, based on that, see if they suggest anything you would really would love to do but never previously thought you could actually do in real life.

Or maybe just join a fan club of some kind, if there's some specific show or genre you're especially fond of?

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I sometimes get into debates in the comments section on news articles on Facebook. That's essentially where all my free time goes, and I'd feel no particular inclination to change that, except for the fact that I want to get a girlfriend and I'm not meeting any new women doing what I'm doing.

You need to find an activity that you could actually enjoy doing that would also involve other people (preferably including women). If you don't enjoy an activity, you can't bond with other people around it either.


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- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


Last edited by Mona Pereth on 07 Aug 2019, 11:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2019, 10:21 pm

AprilR wrote:
I wish there was some sort of community i could join..

... or, even better, some sort of community you could help build? That could get you lots of attention and help you to make lots of friends, even more so than just being a rank-and-file participant.

If you don't already have a hobby that fascinates you to the point of motivating you to do the work of building a community around it, then I hereby would like to invite you, and others here, to consider the possibility of getting involved in helping to build the autistic community. See the following threads:

- Building the autistic community?, especially my posts here and here
- Autistic-friendly workplaces
- Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's
- The current state of the autistic rights movement

Note: If one of your aims is to find a mate of the other sex, then this is probably a somewhat better idea for women than for men, given the male-to-female ratio among diagnosed autistic people.

Another important note: Don't do this JUST to find a partner. If you choose to do this, make sure you have plenty of other motives too.


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- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


sly279
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07 Aug 2019, 11:22 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I dont know . I have few friends now. I always made friends of friends. Now with few friends I can’t make friends from their friends.

Work was suppose to help me find gf and friends but it didn’t. I’m seen as worthless, people at work don’t like me they don’t want to be my friend. Most of them are friends though and hang out outside of work together.

Perhaps we just doomed to always be alone and never know love?

What's the gender balance of your friends? Mostly men, mostly women, or a mixture?

Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.


I’m person ones? 1-2 probably more realisticy 1 who is female. The maybe is male(but we rarely talk nevwr hang out.)
All my old friends abandoned me as I don’t make enough money didn’t get gf etc.

Retail is 80% female.
The government and therapist said getting job would help me socialize and find gf.
I’m worthless subhuman though is how women see me.


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sly279
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07 Aug 2019, 11:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't think you're as "doomed" as you think, Sly.

Cause you want to be kind but you shouldn’t go down with the ship :(


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sly279
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07 Aug 2019, 11:25 pm

nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents


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rdos
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08 Aug 2019, 4:02 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Note: If one of your aims is to find a mate of the other sex, then this is probably a somewhat better idea for women than for men, given the male-to-female ratio among diagnosed autistic people.


People shouldn't search for others that are diagnosed. It's probably a better match if at most one is diagnosed and the other is more high-functioning. The important issue is to look for people that are ND and compatible, and if you do it like that rather than using the diagnosis as a selection criterion, then there is no biased male-to-female ratio that is unfavorable for males. That's also why it is important to learn to identify NDs in everyday life.



nick007
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08 Aug 2019, 8:57 am

sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents
Those women may not be into romantic relationships due to having various mental or other disabilities or they may be wanting a guy who can support them.


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But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


magz
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08 Aug 2019, 9:19 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
magz wrote:
Yes, maybe even an abusive, most unhealthy relationship would free you from the obsession and teach you to value other aspects of life ;)

Until then, I would listen to Aspies who did create stable, healthy relationships and learn from them. Kraftie was quite successful in that area despite being rather distant from the "alpha male" stereotype :D
Many WP members married women from different cultures but I don't remember any of them mentioning where they met their spouses.

I think if I had to deal with not having a relationship for over 10 years despite wanting one and then on top of that, the relationship I do get being abusive, that would destroy me. Right now I have at least a flicker of hope, but if my only relationship ended up being abusive after wanting one for so long, I fear that might snuff it out and at that point I'd be in a very dark place.

But it's the sad reality: lots of romantic relationships are unhealthy. It's a very important life skill to avoid entering abusive relationships or to leave them before a real disaster happens. It's also a life skill to keep a good, loving relationship in good health. And it's an art to know which case applies to your current life situation.
The popular culture doesn't make it easier: people meet each other, fall in love and live happily ever after. That's the typical narrative which is as far from the reality as possible - and I tell it from a perspective of my loving marriage with someone I find unbelievably special.

Well, maybe that's the female perspective: it's not a challenge to find someone, it's a challenge to find the right one or at least a suitable one and keep it healthy ever after. Maybe once you know the perspective of a woman who always wanted a stable, lifelong relationship, you will... just have a bit more knowledge. Maybe one day useful.


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08 Aug 2019, 1:59 pm

sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents


When I'm feeling down on myself I gravitate toward my talents and interests and improve them and boost my own ego and self-confidence in that area.
Do you have, or what are your talents that interest you?
Success with the opposite sex is an abstract endeavor and often highly counter-intuitive. When one places too much focus on that challenge (especially with certain brain types) it's very easy to get in a rut that's impossible to get out of...



sly279
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08 Aug 2019, 5:23 pm

Roboto wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents


When I'm feeling down on myself I gravitate toward my talents and interests and improve them and boost my own ego and self-confidence in that area.
Do you have, or what are your talents that interest you?
Success with the opposite sex is an abstract endeavor and often highly counter-intuitive. When one places too much focus on that challenge (especially with certain brain types) it's very easy to get in a rut that's impossible to get out of...


I have no talents.


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sly279
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08 Aug 2019, 5:24 pm

nick007 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents
Those women may not be into romantic relationships due to having various mental or other disabilities or they may be wanting a guy who can support them.


They on dating sites seeking relationship. So it’s the latter.


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Mona Pereth
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08 Aug 2019, 6:29 pm

rdos wrote:
People shouldn't search for others that are diagnosed. It's probably a better match if at most one is diagnosed and the other is more high-functioning. The important issue is to look for people that are ND and compatible, and if you do it like that rather than using the diagnosis as a selection criterion, then there is no biased male-to-female ratio that is unfavorable for males. That's also why it is important to learn to identify NDs in everyday life.

Have you considered making some videos demonstrating how to identify NDs in everyday life? That would indeed be a very useful skill, which no one else is teaching as far as I am aware.

Anyhow I wouldn't rule out a relationship between two diagnosed people. My boyfriend and I both have an ASD diagnosis.


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- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


Roboto
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09 Aug 2019, 11:30 am

sly279 wrote:
Roboto wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Work isn't really 'supposed' to help find a girlfriend and friends, but sometimes it can depending on a lot of things. If I went to work hoping to find a girlfriend, I'd be sh*t outta luck. My workplace is all male, and mostly older men.[/color]
Your rite that a job can help some guys find girlfriends however they may not necessarily find a girlfriend at that job. If your job pays a lot &/or is prestigious, you could impress women that you meet outside of work weather offline in various ways or on dating sites or other places online like social media where you mention your job. My problem was the 3 jobs I had were minimum wage type stuff & women tended to consider guys working them losers even if the women themselves had that kinda job. It would of been OK for me to have those jobs in my teens but not when a guy is in his mid 20s & isn't going to skewl for something.


Yes this 100% I’m not even good enough for Women who don’t have jobs and live with their parents


When I'm feeling down on myself I gravitate toward my talents and interests and improve them and boost my own ego and self-confidence in that area.
Do you have, or what are your talents that interest you?
Success with the opposite sex is an abstract endeavor and often highly counter-intuitive. When one places too much focus on that challenge (especially with certain brain types) it's very easy to get in a rut that's impossible to get out of...


I have no talents.


Now's a good time to start one!



XFilesGeek
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09 Aug 2019, 12:39 pm

Adopt a small, cute, fluffy dog, and bring it with you when you go out.

Women love cute things, and will want to pet it. It's a great conversation starter.


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