Turned 31 without a girlfriend. Is it time to give up?

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I can’t really know if others sense me being desperate and self-improvement is frowned upon in the Bible Belt. It’s all about following some stupid “plan from God” that is based on indoctrination and wishful thinking but those who buy into it insist it is real despite having no evidence for it.

You work on living your life and being your best self for YOU, not anyone around you. Try not to give a fig what those around you think. If something helps you feel happier, like a better person, and like your life has value, you do it. Ignore what you hear in the voices around you. They don't seem to be helping you.

This is advice for women.

It's been working for my son.

Yes, yes, yes.

It's good advice for all humans.

If self-improvement were frowned upon you'd be living with a bunch of adults who haven't matured past infancy, who can't dress themselves and go to the bathroom in diapers. If self improvement were frowned upon you wouldn't have some of the best college football teams in the country, nor would anyone ever graduate. From anything. Self-improvement is inevitable and mandatory. Your perceived base philosophy here is likely at odds at what your ASD mind understands to be ultimate truth. That's a hard way to live.

Hasn’t helped me in 31 years.

You don’t know my base philosophy. My base philosophy is striving to be authentic which the culture I live in frowns upon. It’s all about herd conformity and thinking everything you go through in life is “God’s plan”. The people around me don’t see their development as anything they put effort into but being blessed by or have passed a “test” by God.

So it sounds like you personally embrace self-improvement regardless of the surroundings of which you keep talking about. What do you plan to work on? I'm hyper focused on drums and rhythm and getting good at that seemed to attract the ladies. Although they seem to always eventually get jealous of my drum kit and chase me away.

9 pages of this ..?
Pretty much summarises the issue.

I've had girlfriends, and boyfriends, but they never last long. The trick to getting them is by a) going out, b) speaking to people, c) you have better chances with those who are more open minded, intelligent, with similar interests , and perhaps more 'quirky'.

I don't want to advocate drugs but a little impartial research will show you what ups your chances with 1 and 2. Hell, NT people get stuff to overcome their issues so why can't we.

If you can lower your standards that helps as the hottest ones are conditioned to think they can get the best so always look for any faults to rule you out.

Now I'm more interested in something more permanent but that - not casual encounters - is the hardest thing .

Why do people think I want only casual encounters? I’ve made it pretty clear I wish I could have a long term loving relationship. I just hate how it feels I achievable since I am 31 and can’t even get a f*****g coffee date.

I also hate how people like Luhluhluh tell me they don’t want me to have a girlfriend but it’s ok for them to have relationships.

Dude , she said this once IIRC , you really need to try and stop your brain from obsessing over these throwaway comments , you can't heal if you hang on to these comments. Who the f**k is Luhluhluh to you anyway , she is just another anonymous user here , her comments hold no credence , she is a nobody to you , treat her comments the same way.

If it's okay for Luhluhluh to have a relationship, it's okay for you to have one, too.

You are both human beings.

They think that b/c *THEY* think that? Because I don't think that. You know it's not so. I am witness for your desire for a long-term loving relationship. I am witness to your fear that it won't happen. I am an optimistic realist, so keep that in mind for these statements:
* I hold hope that it will happen for you.
* I wish you well as you find *your* way to that. (Similar or Different than others... your way.)
* I try to do what I can that's within my control, accept what is not and adjust as best I can.

There were no coffee dates for me either. I didn't come by it with a coffee date, nor alcohol. My way was Different, yet Similar. As will be yours.