Turned 31 without a girlfriend. Is it time to give up?

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Is it because in part of the gender stereotypes people in your area expect you to follow?

You also imply that there is a lot of hypocrisy that Christians in your area refuse to acknowledge but in turn you yourself want to explain to such Christians who believe that the faith always has to have a sense of perfectionism to it.

Also, it is a common misconception that Christians who have sex outside of marriage will be viewed as "sinners" especially in situations where somebody finds out and distorts the truth.

The Christian men who generally have girlfriends are rednecks, hip-hip thugs, and urbanite Bible Belters regardless if they are rich or poor.

And yet why is it ok for them to say I have no morals and no meaning in life just because I don’t share the same beliefs they do?

The older generations, unless they are rednecks, do think it is a sin. The younger generations are more open minded about it unless you aren’t a Christian yourself.

You seem to really dislike where you live. Are you able to relocate, and still be able to travel to work?

The Christian attitude towards sex is the same as the Christian attitude towards anything. For us, it’s self-evident that we live in a broken world and bear the burden of asking for salvation or not. Whether you can know you’re saved is the real point, not how many times you’ve had sex or with whom.

Anyone who has a moral conviction, whether you’re a Christian, a Laveyan Satanist, an agnostic, a deist, or an atheist, will typically find it easy to find fault with someone whose moral failings don’t match their own. Homosexuality is a comparatively tiny segment of society, so it’s easier to find fault with them (because you don’t understand homosexuality) than with your own promiscuity (which you DO understand as part of your own experience).

In recent years I’ve come to a radically different view of sin. I’m no less a Christian, my convictions are no different. It’s just that I look at it differently. There are only two real sins: The deliberate neglect of the intellect, and the refusal to act in your own self-interest. Promiscuity is the mindless gratification of an animalistic urge. It is an act of self-hate (reduces human beings to objects of lust, destroying their value) and is needlessly risky (unwanted pregnancy, incurable diseases). Extra-marital sex is not simply immoral because somebody said “God said so.” It’s written into creation. It’s immoral to sleep with a person you don’t love.

In the Bible, most every law I can think of reduces to something very similar. You don’t have to be a Jew or a Christian to get it. Even faith in Christ is self-serving. Where much of Christianity goes wrong is in altruism...but that’s a different topic.

The only logical way you can handle people in that situation is to have high expectations for yourself AND them and hold them to that expectation. I got in a Twitter fight with someone when they played the race card. I held my ground, explained my views had nothing to do with race, and they kept hitting me with the race card. I finally said, “Look, I’m coming to you as a grownup talking to another grownup. Now if you want to make this a social justice issue, take it up with _____. Until then, I see it as crime was committed, he should go to jail.” If a redneck approaches you with weirdness, then that’s what you say. “Um, ok, that’s weird. You mind explaining why you’re acting that way?” You force the animal to start using its brain, MAYBE some semblance of humanity will emerge.

Same applies to approaching girls. “A boyfriend, you said? Ok, so exactly how much boyfriend you got? Because, see, you’re talking to me right NOW. The way I see it, you’re not THAT serious. So maybe if you’d like some coffee, I’d like to just chat and get to know you a little better. And yeah, I think I’m better than your boyfriend.” Or “just broke up and want some time alone? Ok, I totally get that. Hey, I’m not busy right now. You wanna get a coffee and let’s talk about it for a while? JUST FRIENDS, ok?” Or the occasional sh!t tester: “Oh, REALLY? Ok, so do you understand how STUPID you sound right now? Look, we’re both adults here. I’m not looking for drama. How about I buy you a coffee and let’s start over with a little more maturity. Is that something you think you can handle? Because I think deep down there is a really SMART, beautiful woman in there...” Or...”oh, you’re looking with someone with experience? A little hypocritical don’t you think? You haven’t experienced ME yet! Hey, how about I buy you lunch and we chat a little while. I’m pretty sure you’ll change your mind about me.”

Hold them to what you expect from them. You might still face rejection, and that’s ok. It just means those people aren’t worthy of you. But don’t you DARE devalue yourself with these people.

Ayn Rand would be proud of you!

I wouldn’t get very far with her circle. She’d write me off as a mystic. For me, the existence of God is self-evident in creation. Ayn Rand presupposed a rational mind capable of adequately perceiving an absolute reality. But her philosophy cannot defeat solipsism. In order to claim to know anything, one must know EVERYTHING. The human mind is incapable of knowing everything, so true knowledge can only be revealed by an omniscient being who does. Only God can reveal any knowledge and restore the rational mind of man.

See? Ms. Rand would hate me.

"Same applies to approaching girls. “A boyfriend, you said? Ok, so exactly how much boyfriend you got? Because, see, you’re talking to me right NOW. The way I see it, you’re not THAT serious. So maybe if you’d like some coffee, I’d like to just chat and get to know you a little better. And yeah, I think I’m better than your boyfriend.” Or “just broke up and want some time alone? Ok, I totally get that. Hey, I’m not busy right now. You wanna get a coffee and let’s talk about it for a while? JUST FRIENDS, ok?” Or the occasional sh!t tester: “Oh, REALLY? Ok, so do you understand how STUPID you sound right now? Look, we’re both adults here. I’m not looking for drama. How about I buy you a coffee and let’s start over with a little more maturity. Is that something you think you can handle? Because I think deep down there is a really SMART, beautiful woman in there...” Or...”oh, you’re looking with someone with experience? A little hypocritical don’t you think? You haven’t experienced ME yet! Hey, how about I buy you lunch and we chat a little while. I’m pretty sure you’ll change your mind about me.”

any sane woman will run from that PUA B.S. I might even punch the guy who says that nonsense to me. NEVER call a woman stupid and think that's gonna get you a date.

Unfortunately, I see a lot of women with men telling them things like “Shut up, b***h!” and “Woo hoo! Dayum, b***h! You got a nice ass!” while doing the opposite always backfires on me. I can’t pull off the bad boy attitude so I am probably going to keep suffering until I die.

Even for PUA that's laying it awful thick It boggles the mind that someone would recommend rudeness, harassment, insults and such a crass violation of personal space and basic manners, on an autism support forum nonetheless. It sounds more like some kind of sick prank to get naive people here in trouble.

In a civilised environment, such behaviour would only cause revulsion and contempt, in a less civilised one a beating from a boyfriend, father or even the lady in question wouldn't be out of the question

No sane woman in New York would respond to the tactics of the PUAs---unless she was extremely drunk.

We'd give him a smackdown

When I was leaving the college campus after buying a text book, I could only think about how I still can’t approach the opposite sex without anxiety or getting rejected even 12 years after leaving high school. I don’t know if anyone would be sad if I died alone or if my death would make others celebrate.

Here’s the problem with that: You can’t speak for every single woman, NYC or otherwise.

Besides that, I don’t buy into PUA lit. I prefer to make up my own mind. I meet people where they are, and I expect grownups to act like grownups. I’ll call out ANYONE who acts stupidly in exactly those terms. The plain fact is women are people, too, and many people act brain-dead.

PEOPLE have the capacity for excellence. So even if someone acts stupid, I still see him or her as valuable and worthy. If I approached a woman who immediately started playing dumb games by insulting me, maybe I can see SOME value in her that, for whatever reason, she just won’t appropriately show. I dunno...maybe she’s been hurt too many times and doesn’t want to risk getting hurt again. Maybe she prefers a man with a spine, or maybe she has high standards, too. But if she persists in playing games, or she can’t recognize my value as a human being, she’s not worth my time. In any case, I don’t stay where I’m not valued.

But I am HONEST and I’m DIRECT. Women prefer being around me BECAUSE of that, rather than going for the old Nice Guy routine. I don’t have to handle rejection after being nice to a girl by yelling at her, calling her the c-word because all she wants is some Chad and how she’s too ugly, anyway. I don’t need to hide my true intentions, and I don’t need to compensate for anything.

Speaking of NYC women—first of all, one thing I noticed about people in NYC is how warm and kind they are. Second, NYC girls are much more direct than I am, and they tend to let you know exactly where you stand. If I were to move there, I’m sure it would take a while to find where I fit in. But I have full confidence in my ability to navigate any romantic landscape.

My attitudes aren’t shaped by a negative view of people. I’m optimistic that most people are well-intentioned, that we all essentially want the same thing. I believe women are strong and make up their own minds. I’m most likely to pursue someone more intellectual. But I never write anyone off at first glance. Is she playing games with me? Why? Does she REALLY have a boyfriend, or is she gauging how serious I am? How healthy is the relationship, and would she be better off with me? Or does she actually have some deep issues that should worry me? I keep high standards because I believe in people, not because I’m cynical.

No, I am close to being broke.

My mind just keeps reverberating that it’s too late to ever change my situation and that I only have loneliness to look forward to.

Let me remind you again that 12 years after I graduated high school, I had been on a total of zero dates, had been kissed zero times, and obviously was a virgin. Today, I am married, have a child, dated about 30 women and I couldn't even tell you my counts on the last two because they are in the hundreds.


So do I and while I used to be jealous and want to play the hero/savior I am now smart enough to know they are not the type of women I would want to be associated with, EVER. I have been rejected in favor of "bad boys" and in hindsight I can be glad I avoided those trainwrecks.

The problem is that women like my wife are very non-assuming to the point you probably would walk by her everyday and not even realize she is there. She rarely left the house and usually it was to a place where I would rarely venture like the library. Unfortunately that means you will probably have to be the approacher but once you get rejected as any times as I did you learn to not get nervous around women as they will slowly fall off their pedestal.