Where There is Life There is Hope: Relationship Update

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I have posted about my aspie love interest of three years a couple of times, and how challenging the communication has been. I have a history of abuse and PTSD from childhood, and also a previous long and abusive marriage, so I don't really do that well communicating myself, and have serious trust issues.

I recently experienced a severe personal trauma which led me to an awesome therapist who uses the AEDP method, and he has helped me immensely. I am learning to open up and ask more questions, be less defensive and reactive and generally being more confident about saying what I want and need.

So, after three years of knowing each other (as lovers), as a result of my being more open, this seemingly obtuse, super- intelligent, abrasive and arrogant aspie young man has transformed into a vulnerable, kind and altruistic human being, sharing his most intimate self and experiences with me.Who would have believed it? It seems that we were both being very self- protective which prevented us from truly letting each other in.

I have always had this instict that he was special, we bond very deeply on a non -verbal, energetic level, but somehow I felt that he was often selfish and uncaring, and despite my ending the relationship several times he always was there, wanting me to come back. This is not a strictly a romantic relationship, more of a sexual one, he is thirty years younger than I am, I am in my late sixties, ( I know, what is this grandma doing?? ) but we have so much fun together and I feel great affection for him. I am not a conventional lady, and I am told that I look twenty years younger, though it did take a very long time for me to be persuaded to embark on a relationship with this remarkable, special young guy who I met on the internet.

The point of this post is to say that great effort sometimes needs to be invested in order to break through old pathological communication patterns, be patient if it takes time to build trust, and take a leap of faith if it's unconventional and it suits both parties involved. Sometimes our emotional conditioning makes us fearful of breaking through the hard shell of difficulties and reaching the potential goodness that is there for the taking. Where there is life there is hope.

This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!
The last paragraph is definitely something I needed to read today.

Very glad to hear that things are going well for you and your boyfriend.

Yep. Excellent, Teach!

I’m glad both your physical/emotional needs are being met.