Have you ever been attracted to unattractive individuals?

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Whale_Tuune
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23 Sep 2019, 7:35 pm

Because of their personalities, charisma, presence, intellect, etc.

I have been and it's very confusing. I'm really attracted to confidence and charisma above all else. I believe/have heard that many women are, but I also want to get men's perspective and know if they do this too.

Is this common?


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Fnord
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23 Sep 2019, 7:37 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Have you ever been attracted to unattractive individuals because of their personalities, charisma, presence, intellect, et cetera.
Yes, many times. Most of my friends are what the general public would consider physically unattractive.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Sep 2019, 7:38 pm

I've had crushes on so-called "ugly" people......



PurpleReject
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23 Sep 2019, 7:50 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've had crushes on so-called "ugly" people......


Me too, I guess. Both of the girls I was with in high school were called "ugly" by others but I thought they were cute and beautiful. I don't think there's any objective definition of "attractive".



IsabellaLinton
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23 Sep 2019, 7:51 pm

If you are attracted to them, they aren't unattractive.


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Juliette
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23 Sep 2019, 8:01 pm

^ this... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...



Raleigh
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23 Sep 2019, 8:03 pm

You're allowed to be attracted to someone in whatever way you wish.
It's not all about the physical.
I find it confusing that you find it confusing, tbh


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23 Sep 2019, 9:44 pm

Lots of people wouldn't consider my 2nd & current girlfriend physically attractive cuz they were/are overweight but they were/are very attractive to me.


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24 Sep 2019, 12:48 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
If you are attracted to them, they aren't unattractive.

^what I was going to say.

Even if someone might not be attractive by what the general socialized idea of what beauty is, it is irrelevant the moment even one person has an attraction to them.

I wouldn't say any of the guys I've had interest in fit that standard well. In fact there were times I thought they looked like junk lol But I was still attracted to them, I still found aspects of their physical appearance lovely.


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SportsGamer35728
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24 Sep 2019, 6:28 am

Yeah a few times. IMO, for example, overweight women can often compensate by having an awesome fashion sense and being skilled with makeup as well as having a patient and understanding personality along with quirky interests.



Kiriae
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24 Sep 2019, 10:41 am

Yes. Because I have prosopagnosia and people with unusual features are easier to remember. Pretty people are just copies of each other.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2019, 11:49 am

If you call them unattractive then you are not sexually attracted to them .

You admire them , you admire their character, but you don't lust those in any sexual way.

Do they AROUSE you? Do you FANTASIZE about them during the night?

There's a strange culture that encourages people to confuse between admiration and sexual attraction in society, and many mistakenly go for the former without thinking of the latter, hence ending up in sexless marriages.



Kurgan
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24 Sep 2019, 1:16 pm

I have admired some unattractive women, but I've never been in love with them.


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GiantHockeyFan
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24 Sep 2019, 1:25 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you call them unattractive then you are not sexually attracted to them .

I never once considered my ex to be attractive in any way except when she smiled (which wasn't often). At the time, someone here at WP asked me "why are you with her?" a question I wished I asked myself carefully. There's no nice way to say thing but she was (and still is) ugly inside and out and I was nothing short of a fool. It's amazing what a guy who faced rejection his whole life when a woman (no matter how ugly) tells him how amazingly handsome he is.



danchrist
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24 Sep 2019, 5:02 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
If you are attracted to them, they aren't unattractive.

I wish we could "+1" posts. That's exactly what I was going to type



Whale_Tuune
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24 Sep 2019, 6:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you call them unattractive then you are not sexually attracted to them .

You admire them , you admire their character, but you don't lust those in any sexual way.

Do they AROUSE you? Do you FANTASIZE about them during the night?

There's a strange culture that encourages people to confuse between admiration and sexual attraction in society, and many mistakenly go for the former without thinking of the latter, hence ending up in sexless marriages.


I've had some time to think about this, so I'll try to articulate what I mean.

The people in question may not be physically attractive. I may not view their physical characteristics as desirable or be attracted to their physical traits per se. However, their personality and/or abilities (some people have been very kind, others very intelligent, others very charismatic, etc) are attractive to me, such that the answer to your questions are, erm, yes.

I've heard it said that the brain is the largest sexual organ. Some anthropologists that I've read even go so far as to say most aspects of human culture on some level exist due to man's desire to sexually attract others. I wouldn't go that far, but non-physical characteristics can be just as sexy as physical ones, sometimes even to the point that they bypass physical characteristics and make someone who is, objectively, aesthetically unattractive, well...sexy.

I've crushed hard before on boys who were not attractive physically, but were so kindhearted that that didn't matter to me. However I sometimes feel as though that makes me odd, so I wanted others' perspectives on it. Some of the crushes I've had would be downright embarrassing to admit....... :oops:


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