Dating Again After a Breakup

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Kitty4670
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05 Oct 2019, 2:00 pm

When do you guys start dating again after a breakup?


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Mountain Goat
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05 Oct 2019, 2:27 pm

It all depends on the individual and how one was effected by the break up I guess. I have had two proper girlfriends during my lifetime. I did go ont on sinhle afternoon dates apart from them but nothing came of them as either the other person, or I decided not to carry on foe another date.... So really it has been two girlfriends.
Now after the first girlfriend dumped me but didn't tell me I was dumped (So I blamed myself for everything and became a little suicidal)... It really took me about 89 or 0 years before I was ready to date again. I did then date for about a year but due to distance we only saw each other about three times (She stayed on holiday down here for a week at a time during those three visits). I ended this one. I introduced her to a nice gentleman and she has married him and they are happy! I am thrilled they are married, though I am not in contact... But a mutual friend is. As this break up was different I would say about 6 months to a year was enough for me to be ready to date again. It has now been two or three years since that dating. :)

It really varies from person to person. I get far to emotionally attached. I am a person who is either on or off, and if I am on I am very on, and I will remain on for always.. So with the last girlfriend, we held hands and cuddled... but I didn't really cuddle and kiss (We dis kiss) as I wasn't 100% sure as I was holding back from... Well. With the first girlfriend we were very close (Even though I don't believe in sex before marriage so I was fully clothed etc).
So what I am saying is... Some people can date straight after. They can emotionally detach themselves and move on just like that. Others like me may need some time.
It is a question that varies considerably from person to person.


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Mountain Goat
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05 Oct 2019, 2:47 pm

When I was around 16 to 17 years old, I was going to go on my first ever date. However, as I have prosopragnosia, I was standing right next to her and I just didn't know it. I was confused as I was supposed to meet her outside the gates of the college. I found there were 5 sets of gates spread over a large area of rhe college grounds... Anyway. It never happened. She was most upset which I found out when I came to college the next day.. Her friend accused me of setting her up. I was so upset I refused to date wirh anyone incase I upset them. It was only when I was about 34 years old when a young lady talked me into going out with her when I first started dating. Many times girls had asked me out and I said no prior to this as I really never wanted to upset another young lady. It is hard. I don't mind beingupset, but it really pushes me into being suicidal if I know I have upset a lady. Why I put my foot in it a bit with the last girlfriend as I kept asking her if she was ok... And she has aspergers syndrome so was very "On" or "Off" herself, and she was trying to switch off to me so she asked me to stop texting her... So I deleted her number from my phone.

The good thing is I have learnt from these experiences, so I can hopefully be an ideal date for a certain person in the future. :) I am also very patient. :)


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Homer_Bob
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05 Oct 2019, 3:44 pm

I do immediately or in my case, if I have one online date not work out after she chooses to ignore me, I go on to the next person so I don't dwell on the past and I keep moving things forward! It's never good to have a long hang up about anyone, it only holds one back more.


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Kitty4670
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05 Oct 2019, 4:42 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
It all depends on the individual and how one was effected by the break up I guess. I have had two proper girlfriends during my lifetime. I did go ont on sinhle afternoon dates apart from them but nothing came of them as either the other person, or I decided not to carry on foe another date.... So really it has been two girlfriends.
Now after the first girlfriend dumped me but didn't tell me I was dumped (So I blamed myself for everything and became a little suicidal)... It really took me about 89 or 0 years before I was ready to date again. I did then date for about a year but due to distance we only saw each other about three times (She stayed on holiday down here for a week at a time during those three visits). I ended this one. I introduced her to a nice gentleman and she has married him and they are happy! I am thrilled they are married, though I am not in contact... But a mutual friend is. As this break up was different I would say about 6 months to a year was enough for me to be ready to date again. It has now been two or three years since that dating. :)

It really varies from person to person. I get far to emotionally attached. I am a person who is either on or off, and if I am on I am very on, and I will remain on for always.. So with the last girlfriend, we held hands and cuddled... but I didn't really cuddle and kiss (We dis kiss) as I wasn't 100% sure as I was holding back from... Well. With the first girlfriend we were very close (Even though I don't believe in sex before marriage so I was fully clothed etc).
So what I am saying is... Some people can date straight after. They can emotionally detach themselves and move on just like that. Others like me may need some time.
It is a question that varies considerably from person to person.


That was bad of her, not telling you your relationship is over.


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Mountain Goat
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05 Oct 2019, 5:01 pm

We were engaged to be married. I found out by accident a month or two before that she was already married and getting a divorce. I forave her when she owned up and carried on dating as she said he had just walked out on her 6 months after they were married. Anyway. Earlier on while we were dting she kept getting phoneclls and texts which she used to ignore. She said it was some crazy person or something like that.
And then during the last month or two I was dating her there was a house guest staying with their family. I disn't know until many months after, that she was dating him and having sex with him at the same time as she was arranging to marry me. And warlier on... Those ignored texts and phonecalls? They were the previous BF before me who she just stopped all contact without telling him. He actually came up to me (I ever knew trey had been an item) as he also worked on the railway but was at a different deopt at the edge of my working area, and he apologised to me and if I had fully realized what she had done to him I would have ended it with her there and then. I never fully caught on until many months after when a train driver who had been on the opposite side of the shifts finally came round to my side of the shifts and told me that she was seriously all over another bloke in a restauraunt and he knew she was going to marry me... And he wanted to see me to aarn me but due to train shifts we didn't see each other. Only then dis I wake up and I abandoned the suicide attempt. I had blamed myself as her sisters husband and her sister (Who worked on the railway) would not discuss anything other then to say she was ok..
It was horrible.


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Kitty4670
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05 Oct 2019, 6:23 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
We were engaged to be married. I found out by accident a month or two before that she was already married and getting a divorce. I forave her when she owned up and carried on dating as she said he had just walked out on her 6 months after they were married. Anyway. Earlier on while we were dting she kept getting phoneclls and texts which she used to ignore. She said it was some crazy person or something like that.
And then during the last month or two I was dating her there was a house guest staying with their family. I disn't know until many months after, that she was dating him and having sex with him at the same time as she was arranging to marry me. And warlier on... Those ignored texts and phonecalls? They were the previous BF before me who she just stopped all contact without telling him. He actually came up to me (I ever knew trey had been an item) as he also worked on the railway but was at a different deopt at the edge of my working area, and he apologised to me and if I had fully realized what she had done to him I would have ended it with her there and then. I never fully caught on until many months after when a train driver who had been on the opposite side of the shifts finally came round to my side of the shifts and told me that she was seriously all over another bloke in a restauraunt and he knew she was going to marry me... And he wanted to see me to aarn me but due to train shifts we didn't see each other. Only then dis I wake up and I abandoned the suicide attempt. I had blamed myself as her sisters husband and her sister (Who worked on the railway) would not discuss anything other then to say she was ok..
It was horrible.


She sounds messed up, sorry she cheated on you. She also sounds like she just use men & when she finished with them, she dumps them like trash.


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