Statistics that makes me enraged

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Ok, so first off, the average man seldom gets approached by women in a romantic context anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. You should assume you'll be the one to approach them unless there is any reason to suggest that a particular person might approach you.

Secondly, just like we communicate certain things through body language, we also communicate certain things through our style, how we dress, the way we smell, etc. So if you're disheveled and seemingly take no pride in your appearance, not only is that going to be less physically attractive to most people, but it sends them the message that you don't care about your appearance, which they then might extrapolate to assume that you don't care about other things that are important.

I think the most important thing about your look and style is that there is some intentionality to it - that you look like you've made an effort and that you care enough about your appearance to invest time into it.

As for the messy hair and not shaving, you can still add intentionality to both of these things in such a way that you won't look disheveled. You can have a style of hair that is intentionally messy, as paradoxical as that may seem. Describe it as controlled chaos. It's not a style I've ever gone for, so I don't know much about how you achieve it, but YouTube will be your friend there.

As for the not shaving, if you don't like shaving, you could opt to grow a beard and invest in a beard trimmer. Then, you'd only need to shape your neck and cheek hair about once a week give or take (depending on how qucikly your beard grows) and run a beard trimmer with a guard on over your face once a fortnight. Or you could get a beard trimmer and run it over your face without many guards and you're basically clean shaven. It's not as close a shave as you get with a razor, but it takes less time and you don't have to lather up.

It is quite rare for women to approach guys romantically. They don't need to approach men to find romantic success, so unless there's a guy they're super interested in, there's not much that will motivate them to approach men when most will likely be approached by men at some stage.

Think about it. If you're a woman and the general dating dynamics are that you get approached by guys, would you be likely to choose to approach guys instead? Or would you be more likely to wait for guys to approach you?

I've only been "approached" by a woman once in my life.

And that person was a religious freak who wanted to "convert" me.

Case in point

I don’t approach, but I don’t really like being approached, either. I think it’s best to develop friendships first that could lead to something else.

Doing a cold approach would be hard from a social perspective. Being weird and awkward wouldn’t usually work out very well in such a scenario.

I’ve pretty much always had friendships first. I’ve never accepted a date situation from a stranger. They were usually weirdos or, at least, appeared to be.

A weird, quirky friend is cool and interesting, but a weird, quirky stranger could be threatening.

“No, I don’t want to go for a ride with you on your bicycle.” LOL I was 15. Geez!

Good tip: Don’t ask women you don’t know to go for a ride on a one-seater bicycle. (I’m not sure how that would’ve worked. It didn’t have those trick bar things on the back wheels.)

One can find loads of practical wisdom on WP.

If the woman is beautiful/hot then her disheveled look and her body odor would be irrelevant.

Plus many women have boyfriends/husbands who have bad body odor at times - so I don't see how it makes a difference.

Humans are supposed to have instincts for finding mates created from ancient times - the same ancient times where everyone's body odor stunk.

If the man/woman is attractive, then body odor should make no difference.

Maybe they've been cleaning/running around? How would bad body odor on a chance encounter make any difference at all?

Last edited by Dog1 on 02 Dec 2019, 7:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, since what I want is long term relationship, as opposed to sex, women even more interested in it than men. I mean, if I look things up like "aging single", or "aging childless" (which are the things I am concerned about) I oftentimes run into advice directed to women. On the other hand, if I look at advice directed to men, I often see things about short term, and oftentimes its about how to get laid -- as opposed to how to have your emotional needs met -- which is what I truly want.

So since my own preferences are more similar to the ones women have rather than men -- why would women be like "meh"? Then maybe they are "meh" because they don't think of me as potential match? I mean, you heard your female friends complain about being single, right? So they weren't meh about it. Yet they are meh about me, specifically. Thats the reason why I don't like it, because of this kind of implication. And if they feel about me this way, then I would feel like a fool if I were to approach them and pretend its not the case.

Then maybe I misunderstood what you were suggesting. I thought you were suggesting I do cold approach -- which is why i disagreed. But now that I see you disagree with cold approach too, what "are" you suggesting then?

You say you suggested friendships first. Well, I don't get any female friends either. So that goes back to the question: why don't women ever start friendships with me?

Well, I know I was told that body odor makes a huge difference. So if it wasn't, why would people tell me that it does?

But you made a really good point regarding the evolution. So its a good question actually: why would body odor matter today if it didn't matter at the times people were evolving?

Maybe its because when everyone has body odor (like they did back in the day) they got dissensitized to it, but when only one person has body odor, then nobody is dissensitized?

And getting dissensitized to something that commonly occurs can be explained via evolution too. If only one person has a body odor and nobody else has, then that person might be sick and you don't want to get their infection. But if everyone has body odor then it doesn't have that implication. And since people back at the day didn't know what the word "infection" even means -- they had that knowledge replaced by that mechanism of getting dissensitized to often-occuring stimuli.

Our sense of smell is more advanced than that - Humans are able to smell the physiological-makeup of another person.

- If you see a girl running up to you, and she's muscular and beautiful and healthy - but she has body-odor - does that mean she's diseased?

Our sense of smell is also for selecting mates - a woman's body-odor is supposed to tell you more about her - the presence of the odor itself shouldn't indicate she's sick or unhealthy, for example.

If the woman you smell is muscular and healthy, then even if she's smelly from running, her body-odor should reflect the fact that she is healthy and fit - it shouldn't cause you to think she's diseased.

I’m not having sex with a boyfriend or husband who stinks.

If the guy I’m with smells and has no intention of bathing anytime in the near future, I’ll tell him to take a shower. The last thing I’d want is smelly furniture. I know this from experience.

If a man won’t bother to bathe before an initial date, there won’t be a second one.

Giving him a chance, makes sense.

But excluding him based on his body odor on the first encounter, does not make sense.

Not necessarily.

You are the one that’s on here complaining about not getting a date. I can’t give them advice. What good can it possibly do to whine about their behavior? What does it change? One can only control his or her behavior.

The incredibly useful wisdom of the Serenity Prayer (and I’m an atheist): “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Unless he was just out in the woods hiking or fishing or mowing his lawn, he better smell good, especially if this is a first date. No excuse for BO on a first date.

If he’s smelly on the first date, he’ll just be smellier later on.

No second chances without reasonable extenuating circumstances (water pipe burst, family emergency, etc.).

I'm not talking about being on a date.

I mean a random chance encounter where you meet him for the first time.

I thought you were speaking of the cold approach. Whether or not you are looking for a date or a friend, most of the advice still applies...