Can someone Love a person like you real love

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Cloudman
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04 Mar 2020, 7:07 am

Sometimes as a person with asd I feel like all relationships I get into will end bad because without empathy people tend to wrongly think you have no emotions or don't care about them. Back to the topic do you think someone can love a person like you or just form a fake relationship for money Visa so on.


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Karamazov
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04 Mar 2020, 7:42 am

I’m married, coming up for sixth anniversary later this year: so I’d have to say yes.

We do have problems arising from my lack of empathy: but she does explain how & why she’s feeling in detail quite often, and the same for other people.
This helps a great deal because it means I can do sympathy, having been given a clear description of what’s what in that regard.

Nb: using empathy to mean intuitively reading another persons emotional state, and sympathy to mean caring about that emotional state.



Cloudman
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05 Mar 2020, 2:05 am

Karamazov wrote:
I’m married, coming up for sixth anniversary later this year: so I’d have to say yes.

We do have problems arising from my lack of empathy: but she does explain how & why she’s feeling in detail quite often, and the same for other people.
This helps a great deal because it means I can do sympathy, having been given a clear description of what’s what in that regard.

Nb: using empathy to mean intuitively reading another persons emotional state, and sympathy to mean caring about that emotional state.

That is good to hear. "How?" and "why?"someone feels some way or about something. are key words so many people are very quick to jump to conclusions. It seems like asking those crucial questions is a great place to start. In sympathy


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Kiprobalhato
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05 Mar 2020, 2:52 am

i am still not convinced that any of the love i have ever received from people who aren't my parents is genuine. i have done nothing to deserve being loved.

i think people just stuck around cause they could use me for free food or a ride in my car. i have no idea how i am empathy-wise.


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Karamazov
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05 Mar 2020, 5:59 am

Cloudman wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
I’m married, coming up for sixth anniversary later this year: so I’d have to say yes.

We do have problems arising from my lack of empathy: but she does explain how & why she’s feeling in detail quite often, and the same for other people.
This helps a great deal because it means I can do sympathy, having been given a clear description of what’s what in that regard.

Nb: using empathy to mean intuitively reading another persons emotional state, and sympathy to mean caring about that emotional state.

That is good to hear. "How?" and "why?"someone feels some way or about something. are key words so many people are very quick to jump to conclusions. It seems like asking those crucial questions is a great place to start. In sympathy


Yes: when I was younger there was a song I listened to a lot that contained the short couplet:

To lay with me,
In sympathy


Which I think hits at the heart of what’s needed for a successful loving relationship:
We may not be able to do much in the way of empathy as I defined above: but we can do understanding, sympathising and caring. Provided we’re given the necessary relevant data to work with.



IstominFan
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05 Mar 2020, 10:28 am

Romantic love is unlikely. The best I could hope for is kindness or to be treated like the friend or little sister. I am a person people ask for information about things, not a person any man would ask out on a date. I hope I'm proven wrong on this.



The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Mar 2020, 11:48 am

IstominFan wrote:
Romantic love is unlikely. The best I could hope for is kindness or to be treated like the friend or little sister. I am a person people ask for information about things, not a person any man would ask out on a date. I hope I'm proven wrong on this.


I don’t want to sound harsh but.... at age 55, you should have already realized by now the answer; I am in the same boat.



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05 Mar 2020, 5:43 pm

IstominFan wrote:
Romantic love is unlikely. The best I could hope for is kindness or to be treated like the friend or little sister. I am a person people ask for information about things, not a person any man would ask out on a date. I hope I'm proven wrong on this.


You might find someone. As you get older yes you do have to look harder but it doesn't mean it's unlikely or impossible. Don't give up just yet from your profile it says you're 55, that's about half a life span! You still have time to find romantic love.

The_Face_of_Boo that was VERY insensitive of you and what you said isn't true for neither her or you. You're even younger and have more time. Like I said as you get older yes it will be harder, hold on to hope though cause the moment you give up and say it's over that's truly when it will become impossible.


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BenderRodriguez
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05 Mar 2020, 5:59 pm

It's possible, it's not easy though. First, you have to find the kind of person that doesn't think that lack of emotional expression means lack of emotion. This will be someone who has both some intellectual and emotional depth, so not your run of the mill person. And some of it gets actually easier as you get older, if you look for emotionally mature people.

You'll also have to make an effort to communicate with them. Don't bend out of shape: explain to them what comes naturally to you: writing, acts over words or whatever you're comfortable with.

*As someone who struggled a lot but had a great relationship for the last 20 years*


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05 Mar 2020, 9:21 pm

Cloudman wrote:
Back to the topic do you think someone can love a person like you or just form a fake relationship for money Visa so on.
I believe lots of relationships start like that & some(or maybe even lots) evolve into real love.
The empathy issue might be helped if you get in a relationship with someone who's also on the spectrum or an NT who's very independent & used to dealing with stuff on her own.


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05 Mar 2020, 10:13 pm

For me, the issue is less whether someone else could love me (though granted I haven't had anyone I've met in person so much as look at me twice), but more can I truly love someone else. I enjoy some eye candy and have even developed a couple of things along the lines of crushes (though I can count the number on one hand with fingers left over), but I don't think I've ever felt anything akin to true romantic love in my life, and at this point am somewhat doubtful that I ever will.


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AquaineBay
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06 Mar 2020, 9:24 pm

I do think someone could love me romantically. Yeah, I have my issues and quirks but that doesn't mean I'm unlovable.

My biggest goal in life is to find companionship, so I hope that someone could love me for real. I don't think ASD makes it impossible or unlikely, just harder. But, I hold on to hope cause I think it will be well worth it when I do find it!


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07 Mar 2020, 3:26 pm

IstominFan wrote:
Romantic love is unlikely. The best I could hope for is kindness or to be treated like the friend or little sister. I am a person people ask for information about things, not a person any man would ask out on a date. I hope I'm proven wrong on this.

What are your hobbies/interests? Specifically, do you have any hobbies/interests that are more popular among men than among women? If so, have you ever attended, or considered attending, groups (e.g. on Meetup.com) devoted to those interests?

Also, have you ever attended an in-person support group for adults on the autism spectrum? If you were to attend such a group, I can almost guarantee that there would be at least a few men who would want to ask you out on a date, though they might be too shy to do so.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Mar 2020, 3:59 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
For me, the issue is less whether someone else could love me (though granted I haven't had anyone I've met in person so much as look at me twice), but more can I truly love someone else. I enjoy some eye candy and have even developed a couple of things along the lines of crushes (though I can count the number on one hand with fingers left over), but I don't think I've ever felt anything akin to true romantic love in my life, and at this point am somewhat doubtful that I ever will.

Have you ever had any close friends?

As for "true romantic love," different people have very different ideas on what that even is, in the first place.


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07 Mar 2020, 4:24 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
i am still not convinced that any of the love i have ever received from people who aren't my parents is genuine. i have done nothing to deserve being loved.

What do you think it would take to "deserve being loved"?

Kiprobalhato wrote:
i think people just stuck around cause they could use me for free food or a ride in my car. i have no idea how i am empathy-wise.

Do any of those people do you occasional favors in return for said free food or car rides? (Of course there's much more to love or friendship besides just an exchange of favors, but, at the very least, the favors should not be completely one-sided.)

Are you sure that there isn't, at least potentially, more to your friendship with at least some these people than just the favors you do for them? You might find it helpful to look at my blog post on The Ingredients of Friendship. Do your friendships with at least some of these people entail any of these ingredients other than just exchange of favors? If so, then perhaps you do have at least the beginnings of a potential true friendship.


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07 Mar 2020, 4:55 pm

Cloudman wrote:
That is good to hear. "How?" and "why?"someone feels some way or about something. are key words so many people are very quick to jump to conclusions. It seems like asking those crucial questions is a great place to start. In sympathy

If you Google "Active Listening," you might find some worthwhile tutorials to help you figure out how to ask those questions.


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