Can someone Love a person like you real love

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dragonsanddemons
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07 Mar 2020, 6:11 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

For me, the issue is less whether someone else could love me (though granted I haven't had anyone I've met in person so much as look at me twice), but more can I truly love someone else. I enjoy some eye candy and have even developed a couple of things along the lines of crushes (though I can count the number on one hand with fingers left over), but I don't think I've ever felt anything akin to true romantic love in my life, and at this point am somewhat doubtful that I ever will.

Have you ever had any close friends?

As for "true romantic love," different people have very different ideas on what that even is, in the first place.

I have had a few close friends, typically one at a time, but the affection I feel for them is more along the lines of what I feel for my dog or my parents. I don't think I've ever felt a different kind of affection for anyone, is why I don't think I've ever felt romantic love.

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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
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Cloudman
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Joined: 5 Oct 2019
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13 Mar 2020, 6:01 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

i am still not convinced that any of the love i have ever received from people who aren't my parents is genuine. i have done nothing to deserve being loved.

i think people just stuck around cause they could use me for free food or a ride in my car. i have no idea how i am empathy-wise.

I understand hope you can turn things around.

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Cloudman
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13 Mar 2020, 6:03 am

IstominFan wrote:

Romantic love is unlikely. The best I could hope for is kindness or to be treated like the friend or little sister. I am a person people ask for information about things, not a person any man would ask out on a date. I hope I'm proven wrong on this.

Who knows maybe you are looking for the wrong kind of men as I often found myself looking for the wrong type of woman

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Cloudman
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13 Mar 2020, 6:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

IstominFan wrote:

I don’t want to sound harsh but.... at age 55, you should have already realized by now the answer; I am in the same boat.

Acceptance alone is difficult. It's a process

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Cloudman
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13 Mar 2020, 6:15 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

Cloudman wrote:

That is good to hear. "How?" and "why?"someone feels some way or about something. are key words so many people are very quick to jump to conclusions. It seems like asking those crucial questions is a great place to start. In sympathy

If you Google "Active Listening," you might find some worthwhile tutorials to help you figure out how to ask those questions.

Your right I'll look into it. I often find myself ethier listening or talking its hard to do both

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Cloudman
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13 Mar 2020, 6:19 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Mona Pereth wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

Have you ever had any close friends?

As for "true romantic love," different people have very different ideas on what that even is, in the first place.

I see I guess that. An be good not everyone is looking for love

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magz
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Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

13 Mar 2020, 6:37 am

My mom systematically used conditional love on me.
My dad was most of the time mentally at work.
My first attempts at relationships were mutually toxic.

I had no idea honest love even existed when I met my now-husband. I read about it but never before experienced it from another human being. It was like a whole new world.
Neither of us is a "warm" person but there are other ways of showing care for each other. We're together since 2004 and - there is no "and they lived happily ever after", life is full of challenges and disappointments but we face them together and this feels the most natural way of us being.

Some neurodiverse marriages I know are more like teams plus sex. Other are deeply emotional. I think Mona is right about different ideas of romantic love for different people, the point is to find someone with compatibile concept to yours.

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