Love is a horrible lie

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I HATE IT

You are wrong. But you have to be aware of the positive feelings of the others towards you and to increase them instead of shying away. The problem of people on the spectrum is that we aren't aware enough of the feelings of others towards us.

Pffft. The amount of times I've made the effort and done all I can for someone and I've not been enough shows how that's not true.

I am not loved romantically by anyone. I never have been. There's no one. Never has been. Never will be.

I have friends who love me, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Atleast you do have friends who do love you for who you are,so in that sense you have people who love you.That's more than what can be said about me.I have no romantic partner or friends.I feel like no one likes me.It's tough to have no romantic partner and sometimes it seem hopeless. Atleeast you have more things going for you than many other people who are involuntary single ,especially since you have a social circle.

Thanks, I do realise that having friends is a precious thing that I shouldn't take for granted.

They tell me there's nothing wrong with me, but there must be. I've tried so many times to get to know guys and they seem maybe a little interested at first, but always reject me.

I can't help feeling that there's something inherently wrong with me. There's always some other woman to go for who is 'the one' Who is better than me.

Apparently a married couple were talking about me recently and saying to each other that they can't understand why I'm single. My friend is the wife. When I told her no one is ever interested in me she was really surprised. She thought I would have loads of interest.

Then I get other people telling me that I can't demand love and it is something I have to give, like I havent given so much of myself and genuinely thrown myself all in to caring about someone to never have it be reciprocated... Even single time. As if I'm asking too much for someone to actually care about me back.

Or others say I'm too independent. Well that's one person who got married at 18 and has never had to fend for herself. I'm sorry I can't be as pathetic as her. I mean honestly. Men are put off that I have my own house, pay my own bills and have a good job and can fend for myself. Is that what she's saying? How stupid. If that's the case I don't want a man. I'd rather be myself.

I want so much to let the idea of love go and be free from it and never have it hurt me again.

But when I see men I had a something with and they are happy with their new partners I can't help feeling hurt.

I wish I didn't care. I don't want to. But it is just so difficult not to internalise this as something being wrong with me.

Perhaps you'd have much better luck trying to date Aspie guys. People on the spectrum tend to value independence more & prefer partners who have their own things going on. I'm an exception thou & I actually prefer dependent women cuz I'm dependent myself & independent people look down on me. Plus I like spending alot of time with my partner.

I dunno. Last guy was an aspie. Even he didn't value me. He was really bluntly not very caring as well. Not supportive. Just didn't understand why I was hurt.

Got another aspie friend who isn't interested in me.

I definitely need quirky and thinking outside the box though.

the people [a few] i liked initially, were definitely not into me in any way shape or form. in my life, precisely one person gave me a chance, and i failed. she couldn't stand me after a while. god knows i did what i knew how to do but it was not only not anywhere near adequate, it was harmful. but god knows i am not a person who likes hurting others, no matter the results of my ineptitude. i tend to be attracted to the ones that others are not attracted to. i guess i'm naive. i could not live, if i thought that love was a total illusion, a total lie. i know that there is a high and perfect love, and that there also is an adequate workaday love, one of determination and honor.

Ah your words remind me of a song I was listening to the other day:

my fave one is this-

I’m going to use the film Inside Out as a partial reference here. In the end credits the main character sees a boy whose “people in his head” scream Girl! Then run around in panic. If this is applied to those of us that have been diagnosed these "people" are now trying to find the right connectors so the correct response can be given only most are missing and those that do seem to fit cause the wrong response such as no comprehension that interest is being shown or wholly misinterpreting what is going on.

By this point you’ve already missed out and the “people in your head” are now reading the instruction manual which has many pages missing while others refer to systems that aren’t working or not there at all.

Some of you are no doubt wondering what the point is I’m trying to make; the autistic mind often cannot process social connections. Knowledge, that we can process no problem but the natural instruction manual normals are born with is often missing with us.

Hurtloam, unlike many of us you are able to move to the first step; to date and have the confidence to do so. You just need to work on this which is the most difficult part of all; finding those right connectors in your box. You may find some need modifying though.

In my case it was made very clear to me by virtually everyone that I wasn't wanted; my box of connectors was never there in the first place but at least you have some and that's a better start than many of us get.

Not always. Sometimes it's a horrible truth.

Is love a lie? Certainly for some people it is. For others, is the shared delusion that the other person is the most perfect mate possible. For others, it is the desire to have a constant 'someone' in their lives who will at least give them attention. For still others, it's an excuse to have a constant sex partner. Sometimes it's a combination of all of the above.