Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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Pepe
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26 May 2020, 1:16 am

Teach51 wrote:
So....Krafties' wife is a nurse, I am a nurse and a teacher and I like aspie men also. So not all women dislike aspies. Spiritual, empathetic and good women love aspies.


Could you "guesstimate" a percentage of NT women who would be interested in an Aspie male?
I suspect it wouldn't be high. 8O



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26 May 2020, 1:19 am

No, some guys here seem to think women only look for good- looking, wealthy, successful, tall men. Some do but many don't. Not all women run with the herd. I don't know what a binary view is.


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26 May 2020, 1:28 am

Teach51 wrote:
I am interested to know how many of you Aspie guys who are married to NT women have wives who are strong-minded caretakers, nurses, teachers, social workers? How many to intellectual, scientific types?


My NT wife used to be a teacher. She is now a health education/health coach.



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26 May 2020, 1:32 am

How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.

My own social network consists of unusually nice men and women who would stop and take the time to dig deeper and reveal the positive attributes that exist in a neuro-diverse person. Actually I have quite a few aspie friends.


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Pepe
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26 May 2020, 1:47 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
I've been fighting with myself as to whether to say anything in this thread, I think the OP made a bit of a mistake in self-extrapolating this widely and I think anyone who'd say that he could have it all (or that anyone could) if he just 'got it together' would be making an equal and opposite mistake.

Lets just say in my life experience I've seen such a wide divergence in how people get treated for non-commonsensical reasons that I don't think one person's anecdote would undo another's. That leaves me in a quandary for what do with or for people who constantly complain that they can't find a partner. My advice would probably be a bit too cold - ie. I'd be inclined to tell them what I see to be the truth, ie. that much like physics, chemistry and medicine don't care much about Judao-Christian, Greek, or secular humanist values this is an example of where human beings fall into far more pragmatic realities, much more akin to being as irresistible as physics, and where the veneer of our humanity voids out by necessity. It's an event horizon that cultural values at best penetrate by accident or convenience and get deflected back out the moment they're found to be inconvenient.

I think part of why many people have trouble speaking openly about it from that perspective is that, like ideas of absolute determinism, the idea that our identities are thin veneers on top of something else that may have very different priorities which we can't do a whole lot about is a scary thought. I do think there's some benefit to at least integrating with that side of one's self in that you can get a bit better of a moral negotiation hashed out (in Freudian terms humanizing the unconscious) and that's perhaps the silver-lining of being opened to see it that way and work from that assumption.


Based on what I have observed/comprehended, most, but not all, significant other relationships have a superficial foundation.
Hardly surprising since human interpersonal connectivity has a lot to do with emotionalistic/biochemical subconscious/unconscious/instinctual involvement.
Not to mention psycho-societal indoctrination. Oh dear, I just did. 8O


ACHTUNG! WARNING!
I am rather extreme here, so those sensitive petals should, perhaps, avert their eyes. 8O

Personally speaking, I find the significant-other paradigm rather embarrassing.
This is due to my profound/autistic value on individuality and my connected/associated repugnance at the corruption of personal integrity.

My assumption is there are significant numbers of "Open Relationships" which depend on the individual's philosophical maturity, self-esteem and self-confidence, but the allure of social respectability, for the "common man/woman", makes this relatively rare, using a global context.

Too much Techno-babble?
Or just enough? 8) :wink:



Pepe
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26 May 2020, 2:06 am

Teach51 wrote:
No, some guys here seem to think women only look for good- looking, wealthy, successful, tall men. Some do but many don't. Not all women run with the herd. I don't know what a binary view is.


An example of a binary:
All men good,
All women bad. :wink:

I am heavily into metacognition (I.E. thinking about the personal thinking process) and have a strong intellectual orientation, but I find the analysis of general interpersonal relationships quite daunting, to date.

The idea of men and women being in different "Leagues" is not knew.
Generally speaking:
Attractive men and women partner up a la "Charlie Sheen" philosophy.
If an average male is attempting to engage in a relationship with an above-average female, he is said to be interested in someone "Outside of His League".
Usually, this sort of matching is doomed to failure, unless there are other factors, such and wealth and/or fame is involved.

So what we have here is a vetting process where realistic men and women assess their position in the social hierarchy and then choose from that "League" to partner up.

Granted, life is not that simple, and one has to consider other factors such as early personal life experiences and social/community/religious influences, which may have embedded different priorities in regard to finding a partner.

Did I say this subject is quite complex? :mrgreen:



Pepe
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26 May 2020, 2:19 am

Teach51 wrote:
How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.


"By George, I think she's got it!" 8O



<tentatively>
The rain in Spain,
Stays mainly in the plain.



Quote:
Ay, not I, "O" not "Ow"
Pounding pounding in our brain
"Ay" not "I", O not "Ow"
Don't say "Rine," say "Rain"
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

By George, she's got it
By George, she's got it
Now, once again where does it rain?
On the plain On the plain

And where's that soggy plain?
In Spain In Spain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain



sly279
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26 May 2020, 2:36 am

Teach51 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
My two last exes were one is nurse and the other a massage therapist. Most of my dates were: nurses, accountants, teachers and civil/architect engineers..etc

I don't think it means anything though, these are simply common occupations among women.


I asked the question because certain professions require certain qualities, good nurses must observe and empathize and be able to nurture, good teachers also must seek out the positive and emphasize it, find ways to empower their students, these professions require a capacity for assessing and analyzing strengths and weaknesses, cognitive processes, see the bigger picture, find a common communication channel and help others to communicate their needs. I gained insight into neurodiversity and the often positive aspects of certain diversities and conditions in both my professions. I am not explaining myself very well I feel. I have encountered incredible courage and tenacity, honesty and creativity in both patients and students and I grew close to them and came to admire them. When I have an intimate working relationship with people on the spectrum I am humbled by the purity of heart, intelligence, loyalty and honesty, Now I will give my NT ramblings a rest for today. I sometimes feel really deficient here with my circular thinking.

Most the women on dating sites are nurses and teachers and they’ve not wanted anything to do with me. Never felt empathy from any of them.


Is it possible that it is difficult for you to identify empathy Sly?
Sometimes it's challenging for aspies to project their "niceness" in a conversation. Adopting socially acceptable templates in conversation might be useful. For example: "Your job sounds really interesting". or "You have a very pretty smile." There needs to be the initial trigger that sparks a womans' interest to delve deeper. Empathy develops during a deeper interaction. A spark of interest that makes you stand apart from other men must come first. Humour, special interest, just taking an interest in her basically.


I’ve got plenty of empathy.
It would seem to me people with empathy wouldn’t deem others beneath them and avoid them for dating.
Empathy should lead to compassion or it’s irrelevant.


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sly279
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26 May 2020, 2:49 am

Teach51 wrote:
No, some guys here seem to think women only look for good- looking, wealthy, successful, tall men. Some do but many don't. Not all women run with the herd. I don't know what a binary view is.

If you mean me I wouldn’t consider 22k a year wealthy. Wealthy to me is bill gates or Goerge clonney.

From what I’ve seen a lot women do require a man who has a middle class income. A real job that means career with advancement possibilities and who will climb the promotion ladder. One who can afford a new car, house, vacations, nice clothes, eating out weekly etc.

Do you honestly think it isn’t frowned upon to be min wage worker for men? Do you think most women will date men who make less then them? Why would a nurse who went to college, has student loans, and works 50+ hours a week date a guy who works part time at a retail store and earns 1/4th of what she makes?

Many like to pretray that as me saying women only want to date rich men, women are gold diggers, etc which is not what I’m saying.some Aspie women on here have even stated they wouldn’t date a guy who didn’t make as much as them or more. Most the profiles for women on dating sites say that or guy has to have a job, House, car pr have his life together. The women at my work have told me the same too. They work the same job as me and look down on me. Tell me I need to go get a real job if I ever expect to date.
The female friends I had told me the same too.
One who liked me said if only I had a real job she’d date me, but she needs a man who can afford to take her on vacations and eat out a lot.

If you disagree with this welcome to the minority.
It doesn’t usually go the other way. Men have traditionally been the providers so they usually date women who make less and it’s not unusual.
It’s why when a woman does date a guy like me their parents say he’s a loser and try to break them up, her friends usually are like why you dating a loser like him. Part of living in a capitalist society I guess.
In my experience the few women who don’t care tend to be in relationships. More loser Men then women willing to date us.

Most on wp have told me this too except K.K. and couple others. It’s why my situation is hopeless.

Never do I say all women or mean all women. Society doesn’t like loser men.


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sly279
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26 May 2020, 2:55 am

Teach51 wrote:
How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.

My own social network consists of unusually nice men and women who would stop and take the time to dig deeper and reveal the positive attributes that exist in a neuro-diverse person. Actually I have quite a few aspie friends.

Not many. I’ve been told I’m a rare person for being honest and loyal.


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Pepe
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26 May 2020, 2:56 am

Teach51 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
My two last exes were one is nurse and the other a massage therapist. Most of my dates were: nurses, accountants, teachers and civil/architect engineers..etc

I don't think it means anything though, these are simply common occupations among women.


I asked the question because certain professions require certain qualities, good nurses must observe and empathize and be able to nurture, good teachers also must seek out the positive and emphasize it, find ways to empower their students, these professions require a capacity for assessing and analyzing strengths and weaknesses, cognitive processes, see the bigger picture, find a common communication channel and help others to communicate their needs. I gained insight into neurodiversity and the often positive aspects of certain diversities and conditions in both my professions. I am not explaining myself very well I feel. I have encountered incredible courage and tenacity, honesty and creativity in both patients and students and I grew close to them and came to admire them. When I have an intimate working relationship with people on the spectrum I am humbled by the purity of heart, intelligence, loyalty and honesty, Now I will give my NT ramblings a rest for today. I sometimes feel really deficient here with my circular thinking.


You are quite insightfull/perceptive and intelligent,
For a neurotypical. :mrgreen:



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26 May 2020, 3:00 am

sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.

My own social network consists of unusually nice men and women who would stop and take the time to dig deeper and reveal the positive attributes that exist in a neuro-diverse person. Actually I have quite a few aspie friends.

Not many. I’ve been told I’m a rare person for being honest and loyal.


Those on the spectrum are known for there honesty and loyalty.
NTs often don't find those qualities particularly useful, in their artificial social value system.

Advice:
Never turn your back on a neurotypical, when you are involved in a commercial transaction. :wink:



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26 May 2020, 3:34 am

sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.

My own social network consists of unusually nice men and women who would stop and take the time to dig deeper and reveal the positive attributes that exist in a neuro-diverse person. Actually I have quite a few aspie friends.

Not many. I’ve been told I’m a rare person for being honest and loyal.


Then someone has appreciated you and given you a compliment. Perhaps you didn't realise that they admire you for these attributes? They do.


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26 May 2020, 3:55 am

sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
No, some guys here seem to think women only look for good- looking, wealthy, successful, tall men. Some do but many don't. Not all women run with the herd. I don't know what a binary view is.

If you mean me I wouldn’t consider 22k a year wealthy. Wealthy to me is bill gates or Goerge clonney.

From what I’ve seen a lot women do require a man who has a middle class income. A real job that means career with advancement possibilities and who will climb the promotion ladder. One who can afford a new car, house, vacations, nice clothes, eating out weekly etc.

Do you honestly think it isn’t frowned upon to be min wage worker for men? Do you think most women will date men who make less then them? Why would a nurse who went to college, has student loans, and works 50+ hours a week date a guy who works part time at a retail store and earns 1/4th of what she makes?

Many like to pretray that as me saying women only want to date rich men, women are gold diggers, etc which is not what I’m saying.some Aspie women on here have even stated they wouldn’t date a guy who didn’t make as much as them or more. Most the profiles for women on dating sites say that or guy has to have a job, House, car pr have his life together. The women at my work have told me the same too. They work the same job as me and look down on me. Tell me I need to go get a real job if I ever expect to date.
The female friends I had told me the same too.
One who liked me said if only I had a real job she’d date me, but she needs a man who can afford to take her on vacations and eat out a lot.

If you disagree with this welcome to the minority.
It doesn’t usually go the other way. Men have traditionally been the providers so they usually date women who make less and it’s not unusual.
It’s why when a woman does date a guy like me their parents say he’s a loser and try to break them up, her friends usually are like why you dating a loser like him. Part of living in a capitalist society I guess.
In my experience the few women who don’t care tend to be in relationships. More loser Men then women willing to date us.

Most on wp have told me this too except K.K. and couple others. It’s why my situation is hopeless.

Never do I say all women or mean all women. Society doesn’t like loser men.


I don't believe in labelling people. I believe your description of what the women you work with want Sly, I can see how discouraging that must be, but they are only representative of a particular demographic. You only need one woman to recognize your value, that's all. It's not impossible, it really isn't. I think it is a mistake to get sucked into the "mentality of the masses," there are always individuals that maintain their integrity and independence of thought, rare as that may be. You deserve more than a woman who is so narrow minded and materialistic, not every woman is worth building your life with or shares your values. Perhaps start thinking that you don't fit in because you are an upgrade to the norm rather than deficient.

My scale of merit differs from most women and I don't give a hoot about the dictates of society because society has distorted values and nobody bothers to stop and think that we are being exploited and herded into mindless consumerism to serve a priviledged few.


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Teach51
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26 May 2020, 4:09 am

Pepe wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
How many people in general have integrity and value honesty, loyalty, individualism and intelligence versus the herd mentality that prevails in these times? Not so many.


"By George, I think she's got it!" 8O



<tentatively>
The rain in Spain,
Stays mainly in the plain.



Quote:
Ay, not I, "O" not "Ow"
Pounding pounding in our brain
"Ay" not "I", O not "Ow"
Don't say "Rine," say "Rain"
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

By George, she's got it
By George, she's got it
Now, once again where does it rain?
On the plain On the plain

And where's that soggy plain?
In Spain In Spain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain



Lol :lol: love that film. " Move your bleedin' arse!!" (Ascot scene, Liza screams at the horse she's backed)


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26 May 2020, 5:29 am

Teach51 wrote:
No, some guys here seem to think women only look for good- looking, wealthy, successful, tall men. Some do but many don't. Not all women run with the herd.


If a = b and b = c therefore a = c

a = women
b = preference for looks/height/wealth/status
c = herd mentality

I've been on the earth for more than half a century and out of several thousand couples I have come across in my life I have maybe come across 2 where the girl/woman dated/married "down" and a handful where the girl/woman earned considerable more than the man. By and large 80-90% of people I remember the man earned more than the woman and was in most cases the breadwinner.