Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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Karamazov
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19 Jun 2020, 11:48 am

smudge wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
^ Life of Elizabeth Bathory?
Is that the film version with Anna Friel as the countess?

(I listened to Cradle if Filth’s concept album about her way too many times when I was 16/17...)


This one, with Julie Delphy.:

Image

The first film I liked him in was Rush, that was a pretty good film. The Countess is alright. He was hot in Inglourious Basterds. Not sure if anyone will come to this conclusion or not, but just in case (sigh), no, I'm really not into Nazis. Soldiers though. :D


Ah, I was thinking of this one:
Image

Which was released a year before the one you meant. :D



smudge
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19 Jun 2020, 2:57 pm

How odd! Is that version any good?



Karamazov
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19 Jun 2020, 3:12 pm

smudge wrote:
How odd! Is that version any good?


I remember quite liking it: I found the portrayal of the countess quite sympathetic, and the costumes and locations are for the most part gorgeous.

It is a long film, and does have a gratuitous rape scene relatively early on.

Hmmm... may have to see if I can find it online and rewatch.



sly279
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19 Jun 2020, 3:25 pm

Ended chatting with lady on dating site, she wasn’t really interested and I didn’t feel like being strung on for week or so like usual before she finds someone else.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jun 2020, 3:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
Ended chatting with lady on dating site, she wasn’t really interested and I didn’t feel like being strung on for week or so like usual before she finds someone else.


That’s good actually, never chase a woman who sounds uninterested, never.



cyberdad
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20 Jun 2020, 12:33 am

sly279 wrote:
Ended chatting with lady on dating site, she wasn’t really interested and I didn’t feel like being strung on for week or so like usual before she finds someone else.


No worries Sly! plenty of fish in the sea...very proud of you :D



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06 Aug 2020, 3:55 pm

LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.


That may be a big part of the problem.
I think most women/people are attracted to someone who has higher self-confidence and self-esteem, without being arrogant.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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06 Aug 2020, 6:23 pm

Pepe wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.


That may be a big part of the problem.
I think most women/people are attracted to someone who has higher self-confidence and self-esteem, without being arrogant.

But self-confidence is generally developed through watching yourself succeed. If you've had no luck with women over a long period of time, having confidence in your ability to attract women would be illogical, no?

In this context, I think a lack of confidence and a decimated self-esteem is generally the result of a demonstrated inability to attract a romantic partner. From there, that lack of confidence and/or self-esteem probably makes it harder to attract a partner, so the individual feels even less confident, which makes them even less attractive, etcetera. I think it's a self-perpetuating loop, and I don't know how one could break free from it without either getting a girlfriend, or being given a damn good reason to think that something's different now to the extent that they might have better luck than they have in the past.

How do you instill confidence in someone for whom there's no rational justification to be confident?



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06 Aug 2020, 6:59 pm

You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


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Pepe
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07 Aug 2020, 7:03 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Pepe wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.


That may be a big part of the problem.
I think most women/people are attracted to someone who has higher self-confidence and self-esteem, without being arrogant.

But self-confidence is generally developed through watching yourself succeed. If you've had no luck with women over a long period of time, having confidence in your ability to attract women would be illogical, no?


Wow! Talk about being GF-centric. EEP! 8O :mrgreen:

The "problem" here is that you put all your self-worth into having a GF.
That is inherent "Dependency", not intrinsic self-esteem, imo.

My self-confidence and self-esteem have skyrocketed in the last 6 years.
And guess what, there wasn't a GF in sight. ;)

My self-confidence and self-esteem developed through accepting myself, with my strengths and limitations, and realising I am a decent human being. I made peace with myself.

Striving for self-actualisation was more important to me that putting on an NT social mask and pretending to have social status, so as to impress other people.

The Buddhists have a saying: "If you are a frog, be that frog. Be the best frog you can be." ;)

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
In this context, I think a lack of confidence and a decimated self-esteem is generally the result of a demonstrated inability to attract a romantic partner. From there, that lack of confidence and/or self-esteem probably makes it harder to attract a partner, so the individual feels even less confident, which makes them even less attractive, etcetera. I think it's a self-perpetuating loop, and I don't know how one could break free from it without either getting a girlfriend, or being given a damn good reason to think that something's different now to the extent that they might have better luck than they have in the past.


As I said, I think you put too much emphasis on having a girlfriend and not enough on achieving greater self-actualisation.

As I have mentioned a while ago, from what I can see, most relationships tend to be on the more superficial side, but there are rare exceptions.
And because they are rare, these relationships aren't easy to find.
I suggest you keep looking. ;)

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
How do you instill confidence in someone for whom there's no rational justification to be confident?



Well, *I* can't instil confidence in you. That is up to you to develop. :wink:
I suggest you focus on improving yourself as a person in all possible areas.
Be realistic in your expectations.

And how about focusing on finding female friendships, rather than girlfriends.
Friendships can develop into something more, down the track. ;)


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Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,




Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


cyberdad
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07 Aug 2020, 10:10 pm

Pepe wrote:
[
Striving for self-actualisation was more important to me that putting on an NT social mask and pretending to have social status, so as to impress other people.

The Buddhists have a saying: "If you are a frog, be that frog. Be the best frog you can be."


Very wise words. Seeing the big picture that self-actualisation is a personal journey and has nothing to do with "keeping up with the Jones's" is an important discovery.

Sometimes it pays for younger folk to listen to us "old fellas" who have gone on that journey as it makes it easier for them....



Pepe
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08 Aug 2020, 4:16 am

cyberdad wrote:
Pepe wrote:
[
Striving for self-actualisation was more important to me that putting on an NT social mask and pretending to have social status, so as to impress other people.

The Buddhists have a saying: "If you are a frog, be that frog. Be the best frog you can be."


Very wise words. Seeing the big picture that self-actualisation is a personal journey and has nothing to do with "keeping up with the Jones's" is an important discovery.

Sometimes it pays for younger folk to listen to us "old fellas" who have gone on that journey as it makes it easier for them....


You are a mensch.

The trouble is, most young people don't listen to more mature people.
We both can remember our own attitude towards older people giving advice.

There is an allegory which goes like this:
When I was 16, my father knew virtually nothing.
When I turned 24, I was surprised by how much my father learnt in 8 years. :mrgreen:

"Illusory Superiority", otherwise known as "Arrogance of Youth", interferes with the giving of well-intentioned wisdom. :wink:

But what can one do?
Meh. :shrug: :wink:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,




Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


funeralxempire
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08 Aug 2020, 4:21 am

Pepe wrote:
There is an allegory which goes like this:
When I was 16, my father knew virtually nothing.
When I turned 24, I was surprised by how much my father learnt in 8 years. :mrgreen:


My father's been telling me that since well before I was 16...

...and he's learned even more in the 11 years since I turned 24 even compared to that 8 year span (duh Eh, he had more time)


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cyberdad
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08 Aug 2020, 4:31 am

Pepe wrote:
There is an allegory which goes like this:
When I was 16, my father knew virtually nothing.
When I turned 24, I was surprised by how much my father learnt in 8 years.

That's brilliant.

Pepe wrote:
"Illusory Superiority", otherwise known as "Arrogance of Youth", interferes with the giving of well-intentioned wisdom. :wink:
But what can one do?
Meh. :shrug: :wink:


Speaking for myself I spent much of my 20s and 30s inebriated and ruled by hormones and sensation seeking. If I could go back in time and spoke to my 30yr old self about women he would have nodded in agreement, said something like "that made a lot of sense" and then later that night driven to the closest bottle shop and got drunk on single malt whiskey while watching porn.



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11 Aug 2020, 5:32 am

I think dating sites are just very difficult places to meet for many reasons. There's a high failure rate even for NT's.



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15 Aug 2020, 6:01 am

cberg wrote:
You don't. We need to transition from an image based society to basically anything more substantial.


It's not the lack of image, or not dressing right or doing your hair right that puts women off. It's the passivity, the lack of confidence, the boring conversation, the lack of affection, the obsessions, the lack of communication, the mixed up communication, the lack of executive functioning skills. Women want a partner, not someone to take care of.

I'm generalising. There are responsible aspie men out there, but looks are the least of some blokes worries.