Dating dilemma

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What do NTs value most in relationships?

Beside of just sexual attraction is it their feelings towards each other and their emotional connection. All of this depends a lot on the way that they are towards each other from the very first beginning.

So are most Aspies unable to form emotional connections? Or we just have more difficulty with it? I am able to form emotional connections with others, and become sexually attracted to others, but then I am not at a real high level of Aspergers.

From my experience with aspies I would guess that it has a lot to do with lack of soft skills, all the aspies I know are different. For example when I text my aspie male friends they don't always respond if I haven't asked a question. It is strange but I know they care about me and it's just the way it is. One friend only communicates with me if he has a specific purpose, to meet for example. My NT friends (male) will communicate for a "chat" and exchange pointless banter which we both thoroughly enjoy, generally catching up and exchanging experiences. That's one difference.

People with Asperger's may feel sexual attraction but are unaware of the feelings of others and may be unable to recognize the feelings of other people except they are guessing them. Once you are able to form emotional connections then you may be autistic but you don't have Asperger's. People who have Asperger's don't even develop as many emotions and feelings beside of the sensorical ones as NTs do. NTs are very emotional driven and also get the emotions of others by developing the same emotions as well. They call it 'mirror neurons' and it's beside of the feeling of emotions at all a requirement to form emotional connections. NTs are just aliens to me how they get each others emotions and especially if they form emotional connections.

That people may be turned of by you as well is that also very empathical people can be unaware of the empathy of others towards themself and the very high empathy of women. Once you feel unsure towards others or feel like a looser or once you have a lot of negative expectations then they'll get your negativity and may dislike you just because it causes them to feel the same negative way.

Last edited by quite an extreme on 30 May 2020, 4:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Really? So other people can actually feel how you feel towards yourself? I didn't really know that and cannot do that. I can't really feel others emotions, unless if someone is really angry I might be able to feel uncomfortable because of it. Maybe as much fear over what they may do.

When I said emotional connection I meant more like I develop some sort of positive feelings towards them. Most people I feel neutral towards, but some I feel more positive towards-that's what I thought an emotional connection was.

Wow! I am learning a lot today.

Off the top of my head I will say it varies by the NT & gender but some value things like social status/popularity, independence & someone having their sh!t together with life, physical attraction, chemistry/spark between them like if they magically connect well & finish each others sentences, confidence & take charge attitude, good sex, being fun/their idea of fun which may be partying/clubbing or being outgoing,