A life lesson for the active guys here: never chase.

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Fnord
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28 May 2020, 9:19 am

Play it safe: "No" means "No".  "Maybe" means "No".  "Mm-hmm" means "No".  Silence means "No".

"Yes" means "Maybe".


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Karamazov
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28 May 2020, 11:40 am

Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.



Pepe
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02 Aug 2020, 3:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Disclaimer: the purpose of this thread is not how to make yourself more attractive and more 'chaseable' by women, but it's about not to waste time for zero-potentials.

I am a very strong proponent of the rule that if a girl really likes you, then she will make it very EXTREMELY obvious to you - like rubbing her admiration on your face to the extent that it's impossible to miss even for aspies. Things like frequently initiating texts with you, adding you to her facebook, coming TO your way whenever she sees you to say hi and start a conversation with you, small gestures like buying something to eat for you ...etc. The whole thing, when combined together, will become VERY OBVIOUS, you wouldn't even do second guesses even if you have the worst social skills in the universe.

Personally, only those cases flourished into relationships - NO other scenario in the past flourished into anything; which strengthens further my belief in this rule.

Even though I do fall sometimes in a 'chasing the girl mode' pitfalls when I do have a liking of a girl, but I always ending up remembering this rule again; and things always prove me how true it is.

So here' an anecdote story happened recently, there's an introvert girl who works in a different company but happens to be on the same floor of my workplace(so no, we are not coworkers, totally two different companies and two different groups); I had few talks with this girl by coincidence mostly in the lunch places and I did have some interest in her in the past.

I did even attempt to add her on facebook but the request was never accepted; I kept my interaction with her normal of course and I didn't bring up the FB thing to her (I never do, I am smarter than that).


But she obviously developed a liking toward my coworker instead, who's totally opposite of me (and of her): Tall, extrovert, sales-type of person (non technical), smooth talker and very outgoing, very metrosexual, and overall handsome and charming.

The signs she did:
- Talking to him whenever she gets the chance.
- Inviting him to lunch meals.
- Adding him to facebook and initiating texting with him (he showed me).
- Buying for him crafts such as a transitional chocolate box every time she came back from a travel, and she was so bold about it to the point she gave them to him in our office.

Even the guy himself told me that she's obviously chasing him but he was already taken; she only stopped all these gestures at once after he finally got formally engaged with this girlfriend; that was like a year ago.

Then suddenly, few weeks ago she finally accepted my FB's friend request! lol after a year. I did send a Hello with a question related to quarantine (I haven't seen her back then since the lockdown), it was a very casual question - she read it, but ignored me - so I unfriended her right away and decided to forget about it (note: to those who don't know, the fb messenger does show a 'seen' sign when someone reads your message.

My workplace happens to be in a highly secured area, and there's a checkpoint which checks the identify of people whether they're really employees working there; on last Friday, the newly appointed dgendarme couldn't find my name in the list and so couldn't let me in even though I was sure it was there on that very damn list, It has been there registered for 6 months at least but he was refusing to recheck.

Then this girl arrived, we were both wearing medical masks but she recognized me still, and she told him that she knows me, she told him of my name and that I work in the same bloc as hers; she passed, but her talk convinced him to re-check his list for my name until he finally found it.

I wanted to thank her (while deep inside just taking the opportunity :lol:) but she was ahead me already, so I sent her later a FB message of thanks without expecting a reply (again) especially that it was morning during a work time.
But this time she did reply; and she was like "oh it was really nothing" - then the conversation flowed well until I got back to my senses! I just had quick flash memories of how she showed interest toward my coworker vs showing a total meh casual behavior toward me, plus I am a total opposite of that guy so there's no way she would like two opposite types, plus how she ignored my very first text few weeks ago. So I did cut that chat with something like "That was a nice conversation, but I have work now, we will talk later, have a nice weekend." with the thought that if she really has any liking toward me then she will initiate texting at some point later.

Which of course I know she wouldn't because she didn't show any of the signs above (and politely replying to my thank you message is not one of them).

So the purpose of this story? Guys, never waste your time for girls who show like ZERO signs toward you and make ZERO effort to get to know you; and no, a 1-2 signs once in a blue moon like smiling to you once is never enough; these signs must be very frequent, repetitive, and happen on almost daily/weekly basis to be even considered 'being chased'.

I see plenty of guys here constantly second-guessing whether this girl who smiled at them once likes them or not, if you have to second guess then the answer is almost always a no.


So, you are saying Pepe le Pew never had a chance. 8O
Bummer. :wink:


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And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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Pepe
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02 Aug 2020, 3:31 pm

Fnord wrote:
Play it safe: "No" means "No".  "Maybe" means "No".  "Mm-hmm" means "No".  Silence means "No".

"Yes" means "Maybe".


:mrgreen:
Do you luv me?
Yes or no? :mrgreen:


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


Pepe
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02 Aug 2020, 3:34 pm

Karamazov wrote:
Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.


Why is being interested in someone a humiliating experience? :scratch:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


rdos
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03 Aug 2020, 2:21 pm

I agree about persistent interest, but that's about it. If there is persistent, reciprocal interest, then you cannot put too much effort into, regardless if it advances or not.

And I don't count talking to somebody, smiling or even buying stuff as persistent interest. Those are just NTs ways that show you that you are dealing with an NT, which should be a really big red flag.



rdos
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03 Aug 2020, 2:24 pm

Pepe wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.


Why is being interested in someone a humiliating experience? :scratch:


I don't know. I find a crush the most wonderful experience that I want to keep as long a possible. It really never gets much better than that.



Pepe
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04 Aug 2020, 1:57 am

rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.


Why is being interested in someone a humiliating experience? :scratch:


I don't know. I find a crush the most wonderful experience that I want to keep as long a possible. It really never gets much better than that.


And if the person "you" are interested in turns around and tries to humiliate you, the shame is with them, assuming you take no for an answer, and haven't been acting stupidly.
I guess I have matured, over the years. ;)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


rdos
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04 Aug 2020, 3:08 am

Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.


Why is being interested in someone a humiliating experience? :scratch:


I don't know. I find a crush the most wonderful experience that I want to keep as long a possible. It really never gets much better than that.


And if the person "you" are interested in turns around and tries to humiliate you, the shame is with them, assuming you take no for an answer, and haven't been acting stupidly.
I guess I have matured, over the years. ;)


Number one in the "crush business" is that you NEVER get a crush on somebody unless they play along in the courtship game in the correct way. Smiling, talking & gifts all break the rules. Keeping the distance, flirting with quick glances, and arranging stuff so you can be at the same place all counts as correct. That will keep you out of the humiliation business, and also out of depression & despair when you discover it's only in your head.

I actually never had to take "no" for an answer simply because dating and asking out is not my "method", and so I never did any of that.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Aug 2020, 3:17 am

rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
rdos wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Karamazov wrote:
Yes, I agree with the OP too.
It’s in complete accord with my experience: every time I’ve tried to “approach/chase” a girl it’s lead to humiliation at best, and driven them out of my life at worst.
By contrast every woman who’s made an effort/went out of their way to spend time with me became a friend, and in a handful of instances more than that.

I think it may be something to do with making someone feel under pressure to want you when they don’t really know you, and thus don’t know if they can trust you with their time & affection.


Why is being interested in someone a humiliating experience? :scratch:


I don't know. I find a crush the most wonderful experience that I want to keep as long a possible. It really never gets much better than that.


And if the person "you" are interested in turns around and tries to humiliate you, the shame is with them, assuming you take no for an answer, and haven't been acting stupidly.
I guess I have matured, over the years. ;)


Number one in the "crush business" is that you NEVER get a crush on somebody unless they play along in the courtship game in the correct way. Smiling, talking & gifts all break the rules. Keeping the distance, flirting with quick glances, and arranging stuff so you can be at the same place all counts as correct. That will keep you out of the humiliation business, and also out of depression & despair when you discover it's only in your head.

I actually never had to take "no" for an answer simply because dating and asking out is not my "method", and so I never did any of that.



Then that's probably why Neanderthals went extinct.



rdos
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04 Aug 2020, 3:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Then that's probably why Neanderthals went extinct.


They never did, and I'm sure they won't be with me either. :mrgreen:



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Aug 2020, 3:34 am

Fnord wrote:
Play it safe: "No" means "No".  "Maybe" means "No".  "Mm-hmm" means "No".  Silence means "No".

"Yes" means "Maybe".


In the cases I mentioned I would get "I like you" and even "I love you" , there was no "no" or "yes" - because I don't ask out in that fashion; while my reply to them every time was like "give it time and we will see where it goes".



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04 Aug 2020, 3:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Then that's probably why Neanderthals went extinct.

Not in Russia.
Image


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05 Aug 2020, 10:46 pm

magz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Then that's probably why Neanderthals went extinct.

Not in Russia.
Image


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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Sep 2020, 3:59 am

*bump* for the newcomers



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08 Sep 2020, 4:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But she obviously developed a liking toward my coworker instead, who's totally opposite of me (and of her): Tall, extrovert, sales-type of person (non technical), smooth talker and very outgoing, very metrosexual, and overall handsome and charming..


The aforementioned "pretty boy" just has to show up and women get pregnant :lol: