Submissive Women?

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You don't do many on-line searches, do you?

Every search engine looks at all the words in your search and returns results that match up with each of those words.  Every search engine also has "switches" you can use to narrow down your search.

If a result piques your curiosity, then you can click on it and be connected to that website.

I mean ... it's all so obvious!

Hmm interesting, maybe it's cultural differences - most stable, committed couples don't work this way where I live.

I haven't heard (outside the internet) of people having to ask permission for personal expenses, but they consult on big expenses, especially two-income households which is the norm here.

Or the guy having to decide where to eat

Sounds very random and strange to me, I don't understand the reasoning behind it

I think in BDSM it's considered that the submissive partner is in control but what do I know, that's not my cup of tea either.

Not to mention finding links on other sites or forums you might browse, what a strange question

My mother was always the dominant one.

Was a teacher after all!

Now that you successfully mastered your red herring, could you attempt to actually answer my question? You have volunteered so willingly for the original poster, after all, which was weird, to say the least.

The "bullying hyena" behavior is a predominantly neurotypical trait.

^
How exactly am I bullying you? I genuinely find it a strange question: I browse or use all kind of sites and run into all kind of stuff, I found this one mildly amusing but pretty run-of-the-mill.

For some reason, I find your "leader and follower" description much more acceptable than "dominant and submissive". I think a good leader should avoid dominating and a valuable follower is ready to stand up for their own opinions and share their point of view.

When it comes to your questions of "who decides":
In a car, whoever drives, decides. Whoever pays, chooses the place; with split bill, everybody has an equal voice. Whoever cooks, decides what we eat at home. Generally: whoever contributes most to a given activity, has the most to say on it. It doesn't have to be a fixed person between activities, nor even between instances of the same activity.

So you’d sit at the t road arguing with your spouse which way to turn while people honk at you from behind ? No the more dominant person would decide.

In the USA it’s norm for men to drive, I asume cause it’s norm for men to lead the relationship. When people see a woman driving and male passenger, the male is mocked.

So could the guy go buy a PS4 for $300 without his gf being pissed for doing it without asking?
Not in western society. Once a guy gets in relationship he no longer has free will for buying things or who he spends time with. I was always told that once I get a gf she’ll make me sell all my video games and guns.
The punishment for spending money can range from a fight, no sex all way to it’s me or that, ie separation/divorce. So most guys find ways to sneak hide money and purchases. “Can’t let the wife find out” they’ve come up with some interesting systems to do It. So,e have secrete bank accounts that they put money they earned from under table work into so they can buy stuff then sneak it into the house. Cause their wife or gf has access to the joint account and would see if they spent money.
Others bargain. Well if I get this you can get those expensive shoes.
This guy was in yesterday to buy range finding binoculars. Whole time his wife was hammering him about it telling him he didn’t need to spend so much just get those cheap ones. She didn’t seem to understand those cheap ones didn’t do range finding.
I see this stuff all time at work. I’ll have guys ask me to hold something so they can come back later when their wife or gf isn’t with them.
Now while $500 scope or a $200 knife is a lot for me and maybe you, it’s not for them.

I’ve never seen women do any of that though. Besides on tv where they hid their credit debt from shopping and buying clothes and shoes.

Deciding where to eat again is cause the guy is suppose to lead the relationship.
It’s an annoyance to some guys, Girl will be like let’s go eat, guy: where you want to go. G: i dont know you decide. Guy: ok steak. G: no not there., and goes on u til he picks place she wants. So she did want to decide but doesn’t want to appear as such.
Not all women do this, but it’s another common complain I’ve had guys complain to me about

Makes me sad, cause they complain to me like “ you know what’s it’s like”
Which only makes me feel like crap cause no I don’t cause no one will date or love me.

I dont know why they seem to think I’d be loveable while women in my area don’t.

People always jump to BSDM but sub and dom don’t solely exist in that context.
A guy can be submissive in relationship but dominant in sex. Or vice versus or be both. Same for women. I’ve seen women in dating sites who say they dominate in relationship but submissive in bed, and seen the opposite less so.
Perhaps this is why some are using male led or female led in place of dominant and submissive.

You have quickly joined another person to attempt to highlight supposedly negative aspects about my question. My original, neutrally worded question generated such responses, instead of being taken as a valid inquiry. I consider such a reaction to be hostile, even if from your part, only mildly so.

I find it odd that someone takes the extra energy to voice how they're offended by something they can simply avoid by choice. Unless, of course, it's to deliberately create content on an internet forum.

I like the "leader/follower" descriptors. In my experience of marriage of 18 years in what I consider to be an egalitarian relationship, there are certain situations in which one of the two does have to become leader and the other follower or things wouldn't get done, situations could be dangerous or unhealthy, etc. If both partners had the view of both being "in charge" there would frequently be impasses and clashes. It wouldn't work. A leader for one situation can be a follower for another depending on each partner's strengths.

If I'm sick for example, my wife is the leader in regard to my recuperation. She's the "boss" in those situations. What she says goes and I'm a follower.

Being Dominant isn’t same as dominating.
Being submissive isn’t same as being a door mat.


Well in western culture the male always pays.
Wife wants house 1. Husband ants house 2. Who ultimately decides? Is it who makes more? Do they split up? No the more dominant person will decide impasses, and the more submissive one will either go along with it or break up.
The submissive one will give input argue their position. The good dominant will hear the submissive and take their position into account. Ultimately someone has to decide things. Two people make a poor democracy since there’s no majority possible.
A team can only have one leader.
For that matter who’s dominant and who’s submissive can change based on situation. The wife might be better at money so she takes on dominant decisions for money matters, the guy might be better at other decisions say plan out vacation.

Women seem to take dominant over the wedding for example with little to no input from guy allowed. It’s her wedding after all

You’re argument doesn’t seem to be against dominant/submissive relationship but rather how it’s labeled.

I’d prefer my gf or wife be in charge. Unless she’s also indecisive. If I don’t agree with something she says or want to do I’d speak up or not go along with it. Same as relationships where guy is dominant. I’ve never seen such a relationship where women don’t stand their ground on matters important to them. Neither is a slave at the bidding of the dominant person. The dominant person in most cases isn’t Abusive or dominating.There’s a difference between being dominant and being controlling.

Example a woman who says sly you can’t buy thst video game with money you saved. Is controlling.
Sly you saved money for thst game you should buy it, is leading.
Oh remember sly we saving that money for our vacation
Sly let’s go to that place we both love.
I’m indecisive and anxious. I’m also very submissive and shy. A dominant woman would be best for me. A controlling woman would be terrible for me(as I found out first hand)

Exactly, there’s some few situaid be better leading at, but many I’d be terrible at.
I’d rather give those decisions to the gf if I had one.

^ An example in our marriage early on where I led and my wife followed:

We were vacationing in a large city and had our dog with us. We stayed at a dog friendly hotel downtown and had to take the dog out late at night before bed. There was a park across the street with grass and my wife was preoccupied with the dog. She didn't notice a man walking toward us and making his way diagonally closer and closer to us rather than continuing on a straight path. I sensed potential trouble and called to my wife by saying her name, then "Let's go!" The man continued to come closer and my wife was still looking down at the dog and wasn't starting to move yet. So in a deep booming voice I sounded like I was ordering her: "NOW!" She got the message and started to walk toward me and at the same time that I bellowed, the man shifted away from us and walked away. I told my wife after what I'd seen that she hadn't and she understood and was not upset with me.

Calm down, my friend, I'm not challenging your experience, just sharing mine

I'll try to answer how we do it:

We never get into the car without knowing where we're going, so no need for arguing on the way. Things are different here anyway, so we very rarely drive in the city, we either walk or take public transport, it's more convenient.

Whoever says they want to go out picks the place (same goes for takeout) and if the other doesn't like it, we pick together something else. We've been together a long time and always go out to places we both enjoy.

We pool our incomes, some goes to bills, some to savings etc and we each have a personal expenses account we can do with as we please. I can buy consoles, it's never been a problem, my wife can buy whatever she wants. We also each have some personal savings we use for gifts for each other etc. Neither of us has any debt at all, we don't use credit cards and we have similar attitudes towards finances and budgeting.

What you describe saddens me too, it sounds like (some) people are playing power-games, keeping scores and getting out of their way for a reason to fight or assert dominance. I wouldn't ever want to be in such a relationship, it sounds hellish

Also what Magna and magz said: me and my wife each have our strengths and weaknesses and we found a "natural balance" on who takes the lead on what - basically whoever is better at something and enjoys it the most/needs to make the least effort will take the lead and we split the rest.

Wow this is moving fast: we got equal input on the wedding, neither of us wanted a big thing and we ended up eloping at my wife's initiative as she was afraid I will feel bad for having no family of my own to attend.

It seems to boil down to finding a compatible partner from the answers here.

Thank you for the clarification - maybe I was projecting since I run into so many different things on the internet on a daily basis, I don't see anything strange about clicking on stuff out of curiosity or for a laugh.