Does anyone else find cheating super hard to understand?

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rdos
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03 Aug 2020, 2:05 pm

hurtloam wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
When a woman flirts with me, I tend to take it seriously as a default. Later on, I might understand that it didn’t mean much in a truly amorous sense.

I’ve made mistakes of this nature in the past...and I still do.



Same. It's rare I get any interest so I'm like oooh, this guy likes me. It's taken me too long to learn it means nothing.


I wouldn't say it never means anything, but it is certainly best to assume it doesn't mean anything.



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03 Aug 2020, 10:32 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I can’t separate sex from regard for a woman.

I can’t have sex with someone I dislike.

If I want a “release,” and “no one is available,” I rely on myself.


You love your left hand too much.


Who said anything about hands?


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05 Aug 2020, 2:45 am

hurtloam wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
When a woman flirts with me, I tend to take it seriously as a default. Later on, I might understand that it didn’t mean much in a truly amorous sense.

I’ve made mistakes of this nature in the past...and I still do.



Same. It's rare I get any interest so I'm like oooh, this guy likes me. It's taken me too long to learn it means nothing.



I wouldn't say that.
For a start, it is "Existential Verification" of your existence.
It usually means a desire to have an actual positive interchange.
It can be a bonding mechanism.
It probably has the intent to alleviate the drudgery of life.

Unfortunately, because of weaponised political correctness, the days of "The Flirt" may be severely curtailed, if not ending, in many/most situations. 8O


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Pepe
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05 Aug 2020, 2:49 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I can’t separate sex from regard for a woman.

I can’t have sex with someone I dislike.

If I want a “release,” and “no one is available,” I rely on myself.


You love your left hand too much.


My left hand means nothing to me. Putooee! :eew:
My *right* hand, well... :heart: :heart: :heart: :mrgreen:


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07 Aug 2020, 3:25 pm

Some people cheat because their partners can’t satisfy their particular sexual desires.. like the time I was in a middle of a hot hookup with a cute blonde boy when he said “I’m not gonna tell my girlfriend about this.”


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nick007
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09 Aug 2020, 7:51 am

A long time ago when I was still living in Louisiana, there was a commercial on the radio for a bit by some conservative religious leader that was advertising some class or book or something for people in romantic relationships. & the guy was saying how if your partner cheats on you it's because you are not attentive enough to them & you should of communicated better with them & tried to listen to them better & stuff :silent:
I do think that could of been a big part of the problem in some cases of cheating but some people are cheaters because they don't take romantic relationships very seriously in general &/or they just don't really care about their partner. Also some people have serious issues like drugs & alcohol or serious mental issues which can cause them to cheat. My 1st girlfriend gave her druggie ex a BJ when they were doing drugs together. I'm sure that [email protected] religious person would of thought it was all my fault & I know I did have some very serious issues within that relationship but she did as well so I don't think it was entirely due to me.


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09 Aug 2020, 9:59 am

I may have been cheated on but never knew for certain. Both reasons to think this possible involved my 2nd "real girlfriend" who I believe may have been on the spectrum (I have more recently come to think my first "real girlfriend" was on the spectrum although the two were superficially very different people).

So the first night we spent together, she informed me she had a FWB although she called him her "lover", who she would sometimes visit when she was randy. This of course meant that she didn't need me for sex as she had it available whenever she wanted (TBH I was also in a sexual relationship with somebody I was ready to leave the instant I had a better option, not proud!). Although the topic never again came up (I did sort of meet this guy later) I have no reason to assume she never had another booty call with him after she and I became a couple. Admittedly this is very weak evidence, but in retrospect I think the possibility is real that she did hook up with him again.

However, a more blatant situation occurred later (again this was fairly early in our relationship) I happened to show up at an event held by a sort of cultural organization to which the aforementioned FWB belonged, and saw her quite literally walking and holding hands with a guy who I found out was at least 8 years older than she (I had been criticized over the fact that I was just 4 years older). I guess she wasn't expecting me, but the two of them just walked past and she sort of looked at me and smiled and kept going. When I think back on it, they definitely looked like two people who had either recently had sex or were about to. So that evening I asked her a couple of questions (which is how I found out his name and age) and I remember telling her never to do that again in front of me. I expect many other respondents on this thread would have considered that incident alone cheating enough without knowing anything else about what was really going on. For some reason having to do with my perception of her as being such an unusual person, I never really thought about or spoke to her about that incident again. I can't help thinking most people would have just up and left. I honestly never knew what she might have expected. She may have expected me to leave but I wouldn't know.

You can draw whatever conclusion you want from the above. I'll add just one thing, which is that one of the reasons my parents gave me for not wanting me to marry her was that they didn't think her capable of monogamy and I have no idea what it was about her that gave them that impression, however they seemed fairly certain of their judgment.


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11 Aug 2020, 2:49 pm

Cheating is wrong but to be honest a many of the guys I know who have cheated was because they felt like something was missing in their relationship

one married a woman who hated sex and thought that it was for reproduction only never understood why they thought they were marriage material in the first place

Another one married a woman who for some reason decided they were going to use sex to control their man and the guy ended up cheating.

Another guy got married before we was ready to settle down which is a mistake.


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11 Aug 2020, 6:54 pm

Nope. They do it because they want to. You don't have to accept it. It hurts to break away but it hurts more to put up with that.



nick007
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11 Aug 2020, 7:47 pm

I forgot to mention that sometimes people are pressured &,or blackmailed into cheeting. That's a very common plot theme in porn. Of corse those plots are made up but things like that do happen in real life sometimes. However that can quickly cross a blurred line into rape or sexual assault.


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