Keep on keeping on...

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I fear I may have finally given up to a large degree in regard to finding a mate. I've been married twice, and quasi-dated a couple of other girls, but they've all ended with me feeling the blame. I go out to clubs to meet girls, and I usually end up talking to a few, but they're just not my type. Almost none of them are.

I used to get very nervous around women, but nowadays I feel nothing. It's like talking to a child or relative. They don't have anything I want, so I have nothing to gain or lose, and feel no tension at all. Without tension, it's hard to recognize desire, and I feel kind of sexless. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism, depression, or just my own shrinking circle of whom I find attractive. Every girl I've been with has narrowed my scope of attraction by teaching me what traits I don't get along with, and now my scope is a microscope.

On the plus side, my apathy doesn't really bother me. If desire is indeed the root of suffering, I suffer not. Still, I have dreams now and then in which I've found someone wonderful that makes me feel unbearably in love, and the morning residue of those decaying dreams are the highlights of my week.

So, I soldier on. You never know what the next day will bring.

This is where an imaginary gf for you would be order, perhaps inflatable with proper anatomical features.

I take myself on dates sometimes. I'm good company too, just ask me.

You're not too far off base with this. The only person I'm intimate with nowadays is myself.

I kind of wish I could simply hypnotize myself, like in Office Space, to appreciate the sea of girls that I currently disregard. Or maybe I'll move to another city. I need a change.

Ah, the power of subjective reality.
'twould solve all.

As to moving, you'd be surprised how
much of a gain there could be. I know
that some locations are just so WRONG
for me. Lousy thing is, I'm leaving a place
which is pretty good, and probably heading
back to what amounts to hell.

But, the weather will be nicer.

Actually, what would probably help most is getting a new job. I work in a tiny company of 5 people, so there's zero chance to meet anyone new.



That's a plus. If I were to move, it'd likely be to Illinois, which has much crappier weather than my current locale.

Hmm...I think I'd rather avoid seeing co-workers.
I have fairly difficult tastes, and 'tis unlikely that
I'd meet a good match at work.



Oh, I beg to differ.

I'm looking at a move from Oregon (which though a bit chillier
and nicer than Florida, lacks seasons) to the Northeast. But,
to each his own.

I can relate to the keep on keeping on idea. I used to basically torture my over the fact that I couldn't find someone. I made myself suicidally depressed, which was completely silly. So many other things were going right in my life, and I kept getting hung up on one thing.

I now realize that I should just go out and live my life. If I find someone eventually that's great. If not that doesn't bother me either. That what I've been doing, and I'm definitely much happier.