Do you get obsessed and/or stalk people you like?

Page 1 of 3 [ 43 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next


Do you get obsessed?
Yes 65%  65%  [ 15 ]
No 35%  35%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 23

StewartMango
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 258
Location: Brick, NJ

02 Oct 2020, 3:34 pm

I have a serious issue with becoming obsessed with men I find attractive and I have stalked guys in the past. I never had a boyfriend before or even been on a real date. This issue I have has caused me a lot of depression, anger, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Most normal people move on if they like someone who doesn't like them back, but for some reason, I can't move on from a guy until I like a new guy, which could take a few years! I'm going to see a therapist about this issue, but I was wondering if other Aspies had the same issue?

I want to add that I don't plan on harming anyone and I refuse to give away any of the guys I've liked identities.


_________________
I'm Nicole Marie Doherty, the creator of Stewart Mango the cartoon show.

www.stewartmango.com


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,544
Location: Houston, Texas

02 Oct 2020, 4:20 pm

Welcome back, SM! Long tome no see!

I have been in that situation numerous times, though I try not to stalk.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,297
Location: Wales,UK Relationship: Single Interests: Trains AgeGroup: 40's FavouriteColor: Green Music: CyndiLauper Pets: Cats and Ducks

02 Oct 2020, 7:08 pm

I can understand what you are going through though I am a man. I used to be very "All or nothing" and I would want just the one young lady.... And no one else... Then another maybe a few years later...

I finally dated when I was about 36 years old. I was fully in love with her. However, when she ended it without telling me it was over and I found out that she had been dating three other guys the same time as I had (Before I found this out I was suicidal as I thought I had done something wrong as we were engagued to be married)... I had even found out after dating her for a fair few months when her sister accidently let it slip out that she was down the solicitor and was divorcing a guy. I did not know she was married. I was told the guy dis a runner. (Probably wize! Haha!) But anyway. I took it so hard and blamed myself even though she somehow (I do not know why to this day) did a few nasty things to me to take revenge on me? It dis not work as I was in love with her so all it did was puzzle me!)

But anyway. When about six months after I was working with a train driver who I had not seen foe a while due to our ever changing shifts, that he told me that he had seen her being very intermate with another man and he knew I was going to marry her at the time. He had been waiting to tell me. When I heard this all suicidal thoughts stopped, but I was in such a shock as she had lied to me and the "Lodger" was this man (She lived with her parents).
I was soo taken aback and shocked that since that day I have never been able to be fully in love yet. It is that I expect it not to work out so I slightly hold back just incase... Though to be fair only dated properly once since and twice which were online only...
I have been hoping though that the longer I date someone the more I can trust to overcome this, but it is very rare for me to date someone in my life, as I don't think I am very good at it. I don't know. I don't pick up on things which the lady expects me to know or pick up on, and I can find myself being accused when I am not able to gather my thoughts quick enough so I will just agree with the accusations as it is easier then trying to work out how I am feeling etc.
It is MUCH easier to date in person for real as one does not have to talk. Online is soo limiting. One can find oneself madly in love when one says just one word wrong in a text or online and it is all over. But in real life dating you can just be together. Hold each others hands etc.

Anyway. I have gone off on tangents.

Do not worry about focussing everything on the one you fancy, but don't make the past mistakes that I made. I was soo focussed that other girls who really liked me I said "No" to because I fancied a one girl (I never got to date her as I was too shy to ask) who turned out to be a rather nasty person.

My problem is I just don't always pick up on the flirt and hint system. Oddly I can see it if it is direted at others, but less so if it is directed at me!


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200. Empathy 11/80. AQ 39.
Shutdown link: --》 Music I love: --》
Shutdown Experience similar to mine: --》


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,714
Location: Australia

02 Oct 2020, 7:23 pm

StewartMango wrote:
I have a serious issue with becoming obsessed with men I find attractive and I have stalked guys in the past. I never had a boyfriend before or even been on a real date. This issue I have has caused me a lot of depression, anger, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Most normal people move on if they like someone who doesn't like them back, but for some reason, I can't move on from a guy until I like a new guy, which could take a few years! I'm going to see a therapist about this issue, but I was wondering if other Aspies had the same issue?

I want to add that I don't plan on harming anyone and I refuse to give away any of the guys I've liked identities.


Emotions can be very difficult to cope with, yes.
Perhaps your hormone levels are overriding your rational thinking capabilities?

I will be interested in hearing what your therapist has to say, on the matter. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,714
Location: Australia

02 Oct 2020, 10:09 pm

I'd be interested in what the therapist says.


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 790
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

02 Oct 2020, 10:24 pm

Yes, I think this is a common issue for ASD folks.

Since we tend to obsess over whatever we are interested in at the moment, if that subject is suddenly a "special someone" it kinda makes sense, if you understand how the autistic mind works :lol:

I hope your therapist is helpful!


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,544
Location: Houston, Texas

02 Oct 2020, 10:41 pm

For me, my issue is that I get very emotionally attached to people, and if it’s someone with the same interests, the attachment is even stronger, because of the extreme rarity of people with the same interests in Houston.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,714
Location: Australia

03 Oct 2020, 4:05 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Yes, I think this is a common issue for ASD folks.


Perhaps,
But I don't stalk.

But then,
I am special.
My mum told me so. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


quite an extreme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2018
Age: 321
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,882
Location: Germany

03 Oct 2020, 7:57 am

StewartMango wrote:
I have a serious issue with becoming obsessed with men I find attractive and I have stalked guys in the past.

There is a quite simple solution to that. Just crush on me next time. :sunny:
I'm living to far away for being obsessively stalked by you. :mrgreen:

Btw. a crush causes everybody to become obsessed by somebody else. It's normal but mostly kind of self-hynosis only. Just become aware of this because it helps to get over it if your crush doesn't likes you as well. :wink:


_________________
I am as I am. :skull: :sunny: :wink: :sunny: :skull: Life has to be an adventure!


Last edited by quite an extreme on 03 Oct 2020, 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

StewartMango
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 258
Location: Brick, NJ

03 Oct 2020, 8:16 am

Thanks for replies, I'll update you on what the therapist says. I don't see him until October 16th.

I want to tackle this issue before it gets worse. I have not really been myself this year, a lot of anger, depression, and anxiety has plagued my mind.

I started puberty when I was 10 years old and now I'm 31 years old, so my hormones may be going out of wack, because menopause may be creeping up on me soon!

I just want to clarify though, that even though I'm obsessed with this one guy, I haven't shown up to his home or his new job and I don't ever plan to, also I have not contacted him since he quit my job August 2020. I plan to leave him alone, I’m just having difficulty getting over him and it makes it even more difficult when people talk about him.

I will not give out any more information about him, I posted this to see if any other aspies have this issue and how they solve it or deal with it. Therapy and medication should hopefully help me, but I feel reaching out to others will help even more.

I also hope that by sharing my story, it'll inspire others to seek out help and educate others.


_________________
I'm Nicole Marie Doherty, the creator of Stewart Mango the cartoon show.

www.stewartmango.com


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,714
Location: Australia

03 Oct 2020, 8:26 am

StewartMango wrote:
Thanks for replies, I'll update you on what the therapist says. I don't see him until October 16th.

I want to tackle this issue before it gets worse. I have not really been myself this year, a lot of anger, depression, and anxiety has plagued my mind.

I started puberty when I was 10 years old and now I'm 31 years old, so my hormones may be going out of wack, because menopause may be creeping up on me soon!

I just want to clarify though, that even though I'm obsessed with this one guy, I haven't shown up to his home or his new job and I don't ever plan to, also I have not contacted him since he quit my job August 2020. I plan to leave him alone, I’m just having difficulty getting over him and it makes it even more difficult when people talk about him.

I will not give out any more information about him, I posted this to see if any other aspies have this issue and how they solve it or deal with it. Therapy and medication should hopefully help me, but I feel reaching out to others will help even more.

I also hope that by sharing my story, it'll inspire others to seek out help and educate others.


Even with the early start, I doubt you will see menopause soon.

Quote:
Menopause is the time that marks the end of your menstrual cycles. It's diagnosed after you've gone 12 months without a menstrual period. Menopause can happen in your 40s or 50s, but the average age is 51 in the United States. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... c-20353397


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,274
Location: I'm on the streets like curbs

03 Oct 2020, 9:31 am

I try not to.

I still have crushes that seem to last forever. :oops:


_________________
politics is dumb but very important
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


StewartMango
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 258
Location: Brick, NJ

03 Oct 2020, 10:06 am

funeralxempire wrote:
I try not to.

I still have crushes that seem to last forever. :oops:


Ah...yes, I do too, one of my crushes lasted over 10+ years, even after not seeing or hearing from him for many years. For some reason, I always have to think about a guy, I never understood how people can not having feelings for anyone. I wish I was normal. :(


_________________
I'm Nicole Marie Doherty, the creator of Stewart Mango the cartoon show.

www.stewartmango.com


greenmm37
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2020
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 351

03 Oct 2020, 10:20 am

A little bit, although I've never physically stalked someone. But I relate to the general concept of becoming fixated on an individual - I tend to check people's social media posts somewhat obsessively, which I have worried about (regarding my own behavior) in the past. I, like you, have never had a boyfriend...I went on what might have been called a 'date' in high school with a boy I was really uninterested in - I feel like I have to concede that, but I didn't want it to be a date, he did.
Anyway! Yes, I am curious about whether this is ASD-related or not...my issue is I develop crushes rarely and quite strongly when I do, so I become kind of obsessed, you could say, with who that person is, what they like, what they have to say about things, and whether they might like me back. I think I'm too afraid of the adverse reaction that could result from physically coming on too strong (i.e. stalking, flirting openly in person, etc) so I wouldn't do that...the distance of following online posts is nice but again, I worry about obsessive behavior coming from myself.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,544
Location: Houston, Texas

03 Oct 2020, 3:50 pm

StewartMango wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
I try not to.

I still have crushes that seem to last forever. :oops:


Ah...yes, I do too, one of my crushes lasted over 10+ years, even after not seeing or hearing from him for many years. For some reason, I always have to think about a guy, I never understood how people can not having feelings for anyone. I wish I was normal. :(


My scenario exactly.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 25,653
Location: temperate zone

03 Oct 2020, 4:52 pm

I am prone to getting hyperinterested in particular members of the opposite sex- individuals whom I cant have a relationship with for one of any number of reasons. In real life, and lately even online aquaintences. But it doesnt interfere with my life.

Sometimes my mind helps out by just spontaneously fixating on a celebrity as a harmless stand in for my real life crush. I just spontaneously transfer my obsession to the celeb. Like methadone treatment for heroin addiction. That until I can find another real life person... to obsess about.