I dated another Aspie...it didn't go very well...

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Descartes
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13 Nov 2020, 11:03 pm

Hey, everybody! Long time, no see!

So I've been bummed because I recently got out of a relationship that did not end well. It's a long, complicated story, so buckle in.

I've been friends with this guy since July of last year. Our relationship has always been flirty, even though we didn't get to see each other often. We started hanging out again in March this year, right when s**t hit the fan with the coronavirus.

Well, a couple months later, we admitted to each other that we liked each other as more than friends. At that point we began talking, but not actually dating.

He had been kind of off and on while we were talking. Like, one moment he would seem totally into me, and the next he would seem withdrawn. I always suspected he might be depressed or have some other issues he was dealing with.

Around late July, he messaged me around midnight basically talking about how he wanted to die, how he was wanting to "go away." Later that week, he was in and out of the hospital getting emergency surgery for what I found out later was tumors around his stomach area.

A couple weeks after his surgery, he asked me to go out with him. The week after that, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I accepted, but...

Four days after we became a couple, I woke up to find out that he had locked his Facebook down so that I couldn't see any of his posts that weren't marked public. When I asked him about it, he got an attitude. Here's how it went:

ME: Hey, are you locking your profile down or something?
HIM: Yes why?
ME: I can't see your posts anymore. Is everything okay?
HIM: I am keeping my social media private now for this exact reason it's uncomfortable
ME: Did something happen? Are you and I still cool?
HIM: Yea but I'm annoyed and you've literally asked me way too many questions for today literally too much

After a couple weeks of silence, I had finally had enough and broke up with him. He replied to my breakup message three days later at 2 in the morning saying, "Ok I understand." Then when I asked if we were okay, he said, "Sure."

If it makes any difference, this guy admitted to me that he has mild Asperger's.

What did I do wrong? Was I annoying when I asked him twice if he wanted to change our relationship status on Facebook? Maybe I pushed his buttons when I jokingly asked him if he was pissed after he left me on read, two days before he locked his profile down? :lol:


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auntblabby
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13 Nov 2020, 11:12 pm

IMHO you passively dodged a bullet there. live the rest of your life with your native good sense, and you will find others more suitable for your energies.



RightGalaxy
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13 Nov 2020, 11:45 pm

RUNNNNN!! !! He's an F'n Nutjob!!



auntblabby
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13 Nov 2020, 11:56 pm

and in my typically slow-uptake manner, it HAS been QUITE A WHILE since you last posted here! welcome back :alien:



Descartes
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14 Nov 2020, 3:18 am

auntblabby wrote:
and in my typically slow-uptake manner, it HAS been QUITE A WHILE since you last posted here! welcome back :alien:


Thanks, auntie! It's good to be back! :D


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auntblabby
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14 Nov 2020, 8:51 am

Descartes wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
and in my typically slow-uptake manner, it HAS been QUITE A WHILE since you last posted here! welcome back :alien:


Thanks, auntie! It's good to be back! :D

would love to hear of your adventures in the meantime. :bounce:



Descartes
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14 Nov 2020, 4:17 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
RUNNNNN!! ! ! He's an F'n Nutjob!!


Lol, you really think so? :lol:


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nick007
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14 Nov 2020, 8:41 pm

It does not sound like you did anything wrong. Most people would of told you to run 1ce he talked about wanting to die. Also most people would of assumed he ghosted you after the FB thing & a couple weeks of silence. Hypothetically if your entire relationship was online & you never met offline, I would suspect he was a catfish & making sh!t up about the surgery. If you did know him offline there is a chance that his poor physical health & surgery & recovery were taking a major toll on his mental health but even if that was the case, he is NOT ready for a relationship rite now. I agree with auntblabby & say that you dodged a bullet.


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Descartes
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14 Nov 2020, 10:28 pm

Y'all are making sense. The problem is, I still have feelings for him. :cry:


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kraftiekortie
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14 Nov 2020, 11:10 pm

Stay far away.....he might try to get back with you when he’s lonely. Then he’ll pull away again.

I’ve had women like that (note: I still think most women are wonderful and cute).



nick007
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14 Nov 2020, 11:50 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Stay far away.....he might try to get back with you when he’s lonely. Then he’ll pull away again.

I’ve had women like that (note: I still think most women are wonderful and cute).
Perhaps in the future a ways things could be different with him but he better have a damn good explanation as to why he would not pull away again. It would take a bit of time for him to learn, grow, mature, feel better, work on himself, whatever. I definitely would strongly advise against waiting around for him to change & reaching out to him 1st.

I agree with you kraft that most women are wonderful & cute :mrgreen:


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nick007
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14 Nov 2020, 11:55 pm

Descartes wrote:
Y'all are making sense. The problem is, I still have feelings for him. :cry:
Yeah that can be rough. Take some time for yourself. I know it can be a lot harder to do stuff offline nowadays thou.


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Descartes
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15 Nov 2020, 4:39 am

nick007 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Stay far away.....he might try to get back with you when he’s lonely. Then he’ll pull away again.

I’ve had women like that (note: I still think most women are wonderful and cute).
Perhaps in the future a ways things could be different with him but he better have a damn good explanation as to why he would not pull away again. It would take a bit of time for him to learn, grow, mature, feel better, work on himself, whatever. I definitely would strongly advise against waiting around for him to change & reaching out to him 1st.

I agree with you kraft that most women are wonderful & cute :mrgreen:


He actually has a birthday next week. I was planning on wishing him a happy birthday.


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auntblabby
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15 Nov 2020, 10:36 am

Descartes wrote:
nick007 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Stay far away.....he might try to get back with you when he’s lonely. Then he’ll pull away again.

I’ve had women like that (note: I still think most women are wonderful and cute).
Perhaps in the future a ways things could be different with him but he better have a damn good explanation as to why he would not pull away again. It would take a bit of time for him to learn, grow, mature, feel better, work on himself, whatever. I definitely would strongly advise against waiting around for him to change & reaching out to him 1st.

I agree with you kraft that most women are wonderful & cute :mrgreen:


He actually has a birthday next week. I was planning on wishing him a happy birthday.

be careful and take care of yourself ABOVE ALL. love YOU more and love HIM a bit less.



Descartes
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22 Nov 2020, 5:17 pm

Well, here's an update. The night before his birthday, I wished him a happy birthday. He was like, "Omg thank u so much" and he invited me to his party the next day. I couldn't go, because I had other plans, but I said maybe some other time. He seemed pretty eager to see me again. I guess these two months of non-communication have softened him, lol.


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beady
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22 Nov 2020, 6:21 pm

Imho, it sounds like he wants to have you as friend but nothing more.

Preachy bits...

If he is hiding things from you that is a huge red flag for a relationship. We all have our secrets but facebook blocking is kinda in your face. Asking multiple times, even if it was 100 times is not unwarranted. He blocked you from a part of his life. He wanted to be in a relationship with you but didn't want the obligations that go with that status: like honest, open, and respectful behavior.