I dont know but I need help badly... idk maybe its goodbye

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So idk why but I think about being in a relationship but a few that didnt last long and one 1 yr long relationship I feel lonely.

Like its hit a point where I feel like I just need someone to hold after a long day and someone to come home to... like not having someone to share life intimately is just slowly making me dull and making life seem empty. I dont wanna rush or force it... like I refuse to get a mail order bride, or just be flashy with my money to get women.

I have realized a few things that I need to work on that can help me love me to be confident, and the best version of myself but idk how or where to begin.

1) being more disciplined. Like sticking to routines to keep up cleaning my room or new house,Making sure to get to bed on time every day.

2)getting over feeling like I'm missing out by being on a schedule and having to sacrafice my time for doing willy nilly.

3)loosing weight and sticking to it with no binges

4)staying sober( which I tend to be for the most part)


5) MOST IMPORTANT

GETTING OVER

MY FEAR OF INTIMACY ISSUES

IE. MOT FUNCTIONALITY BUT THINGS I CANNOT CONTROLL AS A MAN THAT I will be judged on


6)completing some of my creative projects so I can have more to talk about and be more interesting.

7) getting things cleaned, ie. My car and keeping it clean

I understand as it is not easy, but may I suggest some enjoyable trips out in your car and maybe some cycling trips etc? (Be safe and get good lights and a nice touring or hybrid bike with panniers as you can take dry clothes and lunch with you etc. Just a thought.

Or nice car trips to places where you can walk to see nice countryside?

Good to see you are making improvements in your life. Sorry you have found relationships hard. Autism sucks when it comes to things like that.