I'm 19-20 and I've recently been diagnosed with aspergers

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I wasn't, and still am not, good at socializing with people. I have a hard time doing it at all. At least now I can put a proper label on why I act the way I do and why I have such difficulties. However, now that I'm nearing my 20s I've started to realise my teenage years are completely over with. I didn't have many friends, I didn't get out of house that much or at all, never had a girlfriend or lost my virginity. I'm not even ugly, I just have no clue on how to make relationships with people.

All of that makes me deeply regret not making an effort to meet more people cause now I'm entering my 20s a virgin, without proper friends. Wish I could go back at least 3 years to my 16s so I could make a change and properly enjoy a chapter of life many other people enjoyed. I feel like it's too late now, even though technically, people in their 20s are still young adults and they can have fun, go to parties and etc. but, it won't feel the same to me and it'll feel like I'll be trying to compensate for my lost teenage years if I started doing all of that.

Am I in the wrong for having this pessimistic thought?

The pesimistic thought is the worst case scinario. This means that thinking logically, that if this is the worst case, there is a mid case and a best case scinario. Age does not matter because you still have a whole life ahead to explore.

I don't like parties either. I try to avoid parties. For me, exploring a beach in the rain is exciting. I have the beach to myself! I can have fun!

Finding a significent other is not easy but I learned not to try. I missread people so much of the time I do not notice if a woman is flirting with me. I only find out ages after when my Mum said something and I would be saying "What girl? Where?" And my Mum would look at me daft and say "She could not have made it more obvious!"

It's just I feel really bad for missing out on a period of their life (14-19) that a lot of people seemed to enjoy. I stayed inside a long time.

I missed out on the dating scene until I hit my mid 30's. Also, I kinda kept myself to myself mostly.

i've never been "with it." it is like a race happened that i was never notified about, by the time i found out about it, the race was long over and forgotten, and the race track was paved over into a parking lot.

If you make a habit of looking back with regrets, you will one day be looking back at your entire life.

It's better to learn to look forward with goals, even tiny goals. What are you going to do tomorrow?

^^^took me too long to grasp that.

I am planning to move on with my life, and I plan to be more social, but I have no idea how I'm going to cope with not living a "normal teenager life".

I wanted to be the socially outgoing kid, or at the very least the outcast with friends, and while I did have "friends" they never felt genuine, they never gave me their contacts and never invited me anywhere. They seemed uninterested in me for the most part and only let me hangout with them at school, other wise I was pretty lonely.

I just feel bad and wrong for not enjoying a very carefree part of my life like everyone else did. Though I suppose my only option now is to keep moving forward and hopefully apply to an University in the future.

Essentially you are not able to socialize with friends, date girls or have sex with girls like you have seen people your age do. You can still experience this partially. It will not be exactly like you see others succeed in it and it may not happen at all if you don't do anything to make it happen - essentially self improvement. This anxiety about missing out lasts all your life. Then in your late 30s and 40s you make peace with it. Dressing up, going to events and social groups like group lessons or meet up groups, exercise, going to public social events, travel, work, as well as what you do at home all add up and can help. You can make some progress if you work at it, although you can never have it like you wish you did, and not all normal people do either. Some are very successful at it and they stand out and you end up feeling bad. But plenty of people are in a similar situation as you.

I realise that and know I could start doing the things I missed out on right now. But my problem is that I didn't experience those same things that most people do in their teens, in my teens. And even if I do decide to experiment now, it won't be the full experience and it will feel like I'm a grown ass man trying to make up for the lost years of mental issues, shut-in behaviour, constantly refusing to go to school due to anxiety and etc. that happened in my teens.

You say you didn't make an effort to meet people. But are you sure that you just don't understand how to do it? I wouldn't blame yourself if there is a difference. Guaranteed that even if you were trying it would be pretty hard to achieve what you are asking for.

Honestly it's a mix of both. I grew up in a small town so there weren't many things outside of school catered to my interests that'd help me meet new people aside from football/soccer clubs, a drama school and etc. As such my only means of socializing and meeting new people were via school, at least for me. This is mostly why I only had my classmates as "friends" and no one else.

Most people were in big groups which was already a big "no" for me, but even if they were by themselves I'd have no idea of how to approach someone and initiate a conversation to get to know them better, so I never did it. My school wasn't that big either and only held 200 people at best.

Looking back tho I honestly wish I made an effort at least, it just hurts watching people still in their prime teens have fun.

To be honest, your 20s is an extension of your teen years. You don't magically become a grown up when you hit 20.

You've still got time to be young. Look ahead, not backwards.

The past is difficult to change (fortunately I also find it hard to remember). The future is not certain but should be considered. I live in the present, keep going forward, and try to choose a direction forward that looks promising.

Hey.
I know from experience that it is possible to maximise your opportunities.
Perhaps consider making a tinder profile, and if not that, perhaps a different profile.

From what I gather, Tinder works primarily on physical appearance, so if you are good looking,
or even average looking, you should be contacted by people who will want to have sex with you.

As to whether these people want a long term i can not say, but they may, suck it and see.


Do this when you are young and attractive enough to, as the older you get, usually the less attractive you
become unless you make loads of money (and then woman want to be with you for the easy ride).

Hey! You sound more normal than me actually. I had anxiety and skipped a lot of school too, and it was my mom that actually had anxiety about sending me to school. I too knew that I haven't done what others have done, so they would see that I am a grown ass man doing middle school stuff for the first time. To be honest, I never got over that. I did get a few opportunities and got a taste of dating, making out, dancing and sex, but never the full experience really. I recommend and indirect method - learn and practice taking care of yourself with money, health, cooking, dressing, cleaning - all the executive function skills, meditation, studying, family stuff, etc. If you are lacking in any of these, you will be stressed out about your life when you do meet women and go on dates with them. But if you know you can budget money and take care of your daily life and your future, you have something to calm you down and be proud of. As an aspie, chances are that even your wife and family will eventually grow to hate you for something rude you said or for not hearing them or keeping them company. As a socially disabled person, you will always disappoint people who want to enjoy socialization stuff with you. So a discipline not to hurt people close to you and taking care of yourself is a good plan for your 20s.

The biggest thing that helped was taking social dance lessons. There are group lessons for swing dancing, ballroom or salsa dancing, or folk dancing. It kind of helped me get rid of anxiety and felt like I could trust people and the skill of dancing is a way of communicating with women.

Have the same schedule every day. Learn to cook, clean and dress yourself and keep a budget. Study. Work. Look for jobs and internships. Be nice to your family no matter what and if you feel a necessity to lash out at your family, just isolate yourself and keep silent until the desire to express yourself in a mean way has passed even if it means not talking for weeks.

Avoid places where cool people go such as cool night clubs and travel trips - they will make you feel very inferior. Instead, look for group of nerdier and more awkward people. Go to free frisbee and soccer games or jogging groups. Enjoy the little interactions you end up having with people and it may lead to a date and maybe even a wife.