Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Is informed consent valuable for autistics?

Page 6 of 8 [ 127 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

wastubricine
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2021
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

21 Jan 2021, 7:31 pm

KT67 wrote:

When I wanted to date it was because I did not yet have enough confidence to be happy with myself as I was. I wanted to find a way to 'escape'. I found that on my own and am happier for that.


That's self-deception. You wouldn't even want to hang around "Love and Dating" if that were true.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

22 Jan 2021, 2:21 am

KT67 wrote:
Being single is better for me.

But I would rather be in a consensual relationship than either of us (me and whatever partner) not consent to one.

And I would rather be emotionally well adjusted enough to be completely content in myself than long after some imaginary version of someone else.

I think what you're missing when you believe I want to date is the fact that someone in their 30s is likely to have experiences of things they might not necessarily want anymore.

When I wanted to date it was because I did not yet have enough confidence to be happy with myself as I was. I wanted to find a way to 'escape'. I found that on my own and am happier for that. I do not believe that is a very good way of finding such escape but it is one which is pedaled towards little girls in our society.


Basically, everything you write suggests that you do not want those things that come with the dating culture, and so you have decided you are better off single. Yet, as wastubricine correctly noted, you are still on the Love & Dating forum.

I think you and Kraftie simply have failed to understand what a soul mate is. It's certainly not a dream about somebody that doesn't know about it. I mean, I'd be completely unable to pursue such a thing, and in fact, never did either. Imaginary relationships are not for me. Instead, having a soul mate / mind-to-mind connection means you have somebody real in your head all the time. You can have conversations that way. You can exchange happy feelings. In fact, I can be all alone but still not feel lonely. Additionally, there will be no power games, you are not bound by commitments, rather by bonding. You can live your own life and don't need to participate in your loved one's partying or friend circles.



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

22 Jan 2021, 6:16 am

wastubricine wrote:
KT67 wrote:

When I wanted to date it was because I did not yet have enough confidence to be happy with myself as I was. I wanted to find a way to 'escape'. I found that on my own and am happier for that.


That's self-deception. You wouldn't even want to hang around "Love and Dating" if that were true.


I hang around L&D in order to create an understanding for other people of what consent means.

It scares me that other people don't know.

I want to make the world a better place. I stick around here for the same reason as PPR.

If you're not a socialist you won't get it because everything will be done with self interest in mind.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


wastubricine
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2021
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

22 Jan 2021, 7:08 am

KT67 wrote:

If you're not a socialist you won't get it because everything will be done with self interest in mind.


I honestly didn't know it was a political forum, where I had to align myself with certain dogmas.

Going by that, I guess Buddha was not a socialist:

"Searching all directions
with your awareness,
you find no one dearer
than yourself.
In the same way, others
are thickly dear to themselves.
So you shouldn't hurt others
if you love yourself."

from Rājan Sutta: The King (https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html)



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

22 Jan 2021, 7:09 am

 ! magz wrote:
Please, don't go into politics outside of PPR.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

22 Jan 2021, 7:35 am

OK I'll stay out of L&D then because my intentions on being here is to make a better world for others. That is inherently a political motive.

In the same spirit though, PPR is politics, philosophy and religion so I don't think supernatural notions and religious figures belong here either...


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

22 Jan 2021, 7:41 am

KT67 wrote:
In the same spirit though, PPR is politics, philosophy and religion so I don't think supernatural notions and religious figures belong here either...

True.
At least they shouldn't be central point here - like, preference for religious or non-religious partners can be discussed in L&D but beliefs themselves shouldn't.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Jan 2021, 7:55 am

Actually, most of my relationships did not derive from conventional dating.

Usually, I was introduced to people. Then, we might go to a movie...but this was not a “date,” per se.

We would have conversations after the movie. We wouldn’t just glance at each other.

I had the distant, glance sorts of situations as a younger person. These were very frustrating to me. I wasn’t able to communicate psychically...nor did I discern her psychic communication, if it existed.

If somebody is able to communicate psychically, that’s cool. But that’s not me. Maybe I’m not “evolved” enough.



wastubricine
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2021
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

22 Jan 2021, 7:57 am

Jeez. (Though "jeez" is a religious overtone as well.)



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

22 Jan 2021, 8:55 am

Don't like moderation? Stay off moderated forums & go somewhere like twitter where the moderation's low.

Moderation keeps things civil :)

Anyway we're not gonna convince each other so I'm done. Truce.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


wastubricine
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2021
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

22 Jan 2021, 9:13 am

KT67 wrote:
Don't like moderation? Stay off moderated forums & go somewhere like twitter where the moderation's low.

Moderation keeps things civil :)

Anyway we're not gonna convince each other so I'm done. Truce.


Pardon me but it seemed like it was you getting the warning for bringing politics into the discussion at hand, wasn't it? I didn't feel like I was trying to be convinced. Convinced of what anyway? I trust my intuition way more than to believe things someone aggressively writes on an internet forum. I know myself perfectly well, so things like that can't shake me.



Last edited by magz on 22 Jan 2021, 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.: Personal attack removed

KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

22 Jan 2021, 9:16 am

wastubricine wrote:
KT67 wrote:
Don't like moderation? Stay off moderated forums & go somewhere like twitter where the moderation's low.

Moderation keeps things civil :)

Anyway we're not gonna convince each other so I'm done. Truce.


Pardon me but it seemed like it was you getting the warning for bringing politics into the discussion at hand, wasn't it? I didn't feel like I was trying to be convinced. Convinced of what anyway? I trust my intuition way more than to believe things someone aggressively writes on an internet forum. I know myself perfectly well, so things like that can't shake me.


That is not what the original conversation is about and you know it.

OP won't be able to convince me that he is a mind reader.

I won't be able to convince him that he isn't. I'm not a trained professional.

If you dislike the word socialist I'll use a phrase. 'I give a crap about people who aren't me'. That's why I want a world where everyone gets informed consent before having sex.


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him


Last edited by magz on 22 Jan 2021, 9:32 am, edited 1 time in total.: cross-posting personal attack removed

magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

22 Jan 2021, 9:32 am

 ! magz wrote:
No personal attacks, please.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

22 Jan 2021, 3:04 pm

KT67 wrote:
OP won't be able to convince me that he is a mind reader.


Nobody is a mind reader. It's physically impossible.

There are various ways people can use for communication: As transmitters, we can use our larynx for talking, our hands for writing or brail. As receivers, we can use our ears to decode speech, our eyes to read and our tactile sense to decode brail. We can use facial expressions and other body language to transmit feelings and we can decode those with our eyes. It's pretty likely that at least some sea animals can use sound in water to communicate. If we have radio transmitters & receivers, then it wouldn't be hard for the brain to use that channel for communication. It's just another medium.

So, it's not mind reading. NDs often talk to themselves when they have their inner dialog, and it's as simple as to switch the medium to radio instead of talking to yourself, and then you can transmit things to somebody that is in tune with you. If the other person also has discovered this, then you can have a dialog. There is nothing strange or supernatural with this. It's a communication system with a physical medium, and you only can "read" the things the other person wants to transmit.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

22 Jan 2021, 3:14 pm

rdos wrote:
KT67 wrote:
OP won't be able to convince me that he is a mind reader.


Nobody is a mind reader. It's physically impossible.

There are various ways people can use for communication: As transmitters, we can use our larynx for talking, our hands for writing or brail. As receivers, we can use our ears to decode speech, our eyes to read and our tactile sense to decode brail. We can use facial expressions and other body language to transmit feelings and we can decode those with our eyes. It's pretty likely that at least some sea animals can use sound in water to communicate. If we have radio transmitters & receivers, then it wouldn't be hard for the brain to use that channel for communication. It's just another medium.

So, it's not mind reading. NDs often talk to themselves when they have their inner dialog, and it's as simple as to switch the medium to radio instead of talking to yourself, and then you can transmit things to somebody that is in tune with you. If the other person also has discovered this, then you can have a dialog. There is nothing strange or supernatural with this. It's a communication system with a physical medium, and you only can "read" the things the other person wants to transmit.


There is no evidence for people or animals having the capability to create/transmit or receive radio signals with their body. If there was such an organ in the body that allows for that, people who study anatomy would have already found it.

Sure there is nothing super-natural about that idea, sure but its still physically impossible.


_________________
We won't go back.


wastubricine
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2021
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 52

22 Jan 2021, 4:08 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
If there was such an organ in the body that allows for that, people who study anatomy would have already found it.



I wouldn't write it off so quick. The magnetoreception of birds is also something that's only getting discovered now: https://www.sciencealert.com/birds-see- ... eptor-2018