How can you tell if someone likes you without asking? (help)

Page 1 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

21 Mar 2021, 4:18 pm

I'm kind of really like this girl from work and am curious if she likes me, but one thing I differently can't do is ask her, because the unfortunate thing is she's already in a relationship. But that doesn't stop me from being super curious and overanalysing everything she does.

I've always been taken back by how nice she is to me, but she's nice to everyone. Also considering both her an her partner are well off and generally well liked by everyone I always used to consider her well out of my league and never even used to consider the possibility. But then I've noticed a few changes in her behaviour over the last few months that made me question things.

The main thing is, when she sends me messages, she sends these super long replies now that she obviously put a lot of effort into. They are always super complimentary even if I do litterally nothing deserving of compliments, and as I'm guilty of acting the same way we often spend half the workday typing progressively longer replies such that I'm genuinely surprised after we get to say the 10 paragraph mark she doesn't lose interest in talking to me.

Also there are a few other things, like how whenever I post anything on Facebook, she immediately reacts to it even when noone else does. I guess she probably just has me set to "See First", but I've never known anyone to react to my statuses so consistently. Maybe I'm just not used to having close friends?

Another thing is, whenever she needs help with something or needs someone to fill in for her because she's absent, she always ask me to do it. First time she did this I just figured "okay, friends do this all the time, so what?" but now I've noticed it becoming a pattern I don't get why she doesn't ever ask any of her other friends.

Also, touching on her boyfriend, they seem to have a really happy relationship from what I've seen on Facebook and the videos they've made on Youtube, so I've been trying to avoid talking about him out of fear of jealousy. The one time I did mention him however she said she was embarrassed by him? Is it not abnormal for the first thing someone to say about their partner to be negative? Or am I reading too much into this?

Now that I've got this off my chest do you think she is more likely to have a crush on me too, or is probably just being friendly? Is there anything I should look out for that might give it away?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,772
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Mar 2021, 5:37 pm

STOP liking girls from work, WPers.

Especially girls with boyfriends.


_________________
Come here to get the Block functionality for Wrongplanet:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=390645


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 50,505
Location: Stendec

21 Mar 2021, 7:55 pm

Boo beat me to it.

It is never a good idea to have anything more than a working relationship with co-workers, especially when those co-workers are already involved in relationships of their own.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

22 Mar 2021, 3:00 am

I don't care, this is the happiest I've felt in a while so I'm comfortable knowing it's never going to work. I have no intention to act on my feelings I'm super happy just being her friend, doesn't stop me from wanting to know if she likes me though!

I think being able to tell if someone likes you is a useful skill regardless, just think about how it could help in the future :)



ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,555
Location: New Jersey, USA

22 Mar 2021, 3:41 am

robo37 wrote:
I've always been taken back by how nice she is to me, but she's nice to everyone.

WELCOME to Friendsville
POPULATION: You

robo37 wrote:
...when she sends me messages, she sends these super long replies now that she obviously put a lot of effort into. They are always super complimentary even if I do litterally nothing deserving of compliments...

She's buttering you up in order to take advantage of you.

robo37 wrote:
Another thing is, whenever she needs help with something or needs someone to fill in for her because she's absent, she always ask me to do it...but now I've noticed it becoming a pattern I don't get why she doesn't ever ask any of her other friends.

It will become more and more frequent. If you say no, she'll suddenly become less friendly. But you wouldn't dare do that, would you?



robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

22 Mar 2021, 4:36 pm

Honestly, if you knew her you'd know she's not the kind of person to take advantage of people.

But even if she was (which she's not) and she is taking advantage of me (which she isn't), I honestly just feel so happy getting to talk to her and feel so appreciated what does it matter anyway? We both benefit.

Could someone please just answer the original question? I'm starting to get super paranoid she will cotton onto the fact that I like her, so if I know she doesn't like me I can start thinking about dialling things back a little so it doesn't end in disaster.



Last edited by robo37 on 22 Mar 2021, 5:17 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 50,505
Location: Stendec

22 Mar 2021, 4:46 pm

robo37 wrote:
... Could someone please just answer the original question? ...
Study the list that I posted  Here. 


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


r00tb33r
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2016
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,271
Location: Virginia  Interests: fabrication  Music: synthwave

22 Mar 2021, 4:58 pm

What everyone else said, bad idea. But it sounds like you want us to say something else. Ask her to go for a drink to talk about "something". If she says yes, then watch closely. If you two are going then keep repeating. That's how a relationship may start over time.
Otherwise if she turns you down then it's not gonna happen. Also such benign offer won't cause (significant) problems in the workplace. She might avoid you from that point on though, that's how some people are.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 77,102
Location: Queens, NYC

22 Mar 2021, 4:58 pm

This person is taken already. I wouldn't rock the boat if I were you. This can be problematic, especially in a job situation.

I had this sort of thing happen to me---and it wasn't pretty.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 50,505
Location: Stendec

22 Mar 2021, 6:26 pm

30 Quatloos says she pulls the "We're just friends" or the "Let's just be friends" lines on him.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 40,104

22 Mar 2021, 6:36 pm

It sounds like she really cares about you, and respects you. I disagree when people assume she's trying to take advantage of you, or manipulate you. That's a rather cynical view of women, which I hear all too often. Women are blamed for being friendly, and blamed even more if they aren't.

I don't know how to classify her feelings and I wouldn't want to hazard a guess.

I would like to point out though, that it's frustrating when people say you should never date a person you meet at work. That's especially frustrating for autistic people or neurodiverse people. Most of us only manage to go to work, and go home again. It's not like we have stellar social lives and opportunities to meet people elsewhere. Likewise, we aren't supposed to date or take interest in people we meet in therapy, for obvious reasons. That really limits the opportunities for ND people who don't join a lot of artificial clubs / groups with the hidden motive of meeting a partner. That's disingenuous. I've met partners at work. The difference is that when the person is already in a relationship, you have to assume they aren't available. It's not cool to fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship. It's not healthy, and very very seldom works out for the best for either of you - even if they split up.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,772
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

23 Mar 2021, 1:54 am

^ It she initiates contact with him only for asking for help/favors then this is a good indication what it is all about.
It has nothing to do about her being a woman. She can be a woman, a man or a sponge and still doing toxic friendship.

OP, did she ever initiate contact with you just to check you out? without asking for anything? Be honest.


Quote:
Another thing is, whenever she needs help with something or needs someone to fill in for her because she's absent, she always ask me to do it...but now I've noticed it becoming a pattern I don't get why she doesn't ever ask any of her other friends.


I mean, this part sounds problematic if it is too frequent; is she willing to do the same for you?


_________________
Come here to get the Block functionality for Wrongplanet:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=390645


Earthbound_Alien
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 549

23 Mar 2021, 8:12 am

No F**ing idea.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 50,505
Location: Stendec

23 Mar 2021, 8:39 am

robo37 wrote:
Another thing is, whenever she needs help with something or needs someone to fill in for her because she's absent, she always ask me to do it...but now I've noticed it becoming a pattern I don't get why she doesn't ever ask any of her other friends.
Obviously, she is just manipulating you and using you to get you to do whatever she wants.

She may act friendly, but she is not your friend.


_________________
 Link to Official List of Trump's Atrocities 

45OFFICE = TRE45ON
Lock Him Up!


robo37
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 505

23 Mar 2021, 4:46 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
It sounds like she really cares about you, and respects you. I disagree when people assume she's trying to take advantage of you, or manipulate you. That's a rather cynical view of women, which I hear all too often. Women are blamed for being friendly, and blamed even more if they aren't.

I don't know how to classify her feelings and I wouldn't want to hazard a guess.

I would like to point out though, that it's frustrating when people say you should never date a person you meet at work. That's especially frustrating for autistic people or neurodiverse people. Most of us only manage to go to work, and go home again. It's not like we have stellar social lives and opportunities to meet people elsewhere. Likewise, we aren't supposed to date or take interest in people we meet in therapy, for obvious reasons. That really limits the opportunities for ND people who don't join a lot of artificial clubs / groups with the hidden motive of meeting a partner. That's disingenuous. I've met partners at work. The difference is that when the person is already in a relationship, you have to assume they aren't available. It's not cool to fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship. It's not healthy, and very very seldom works out for the best for either of you - even if they split up.


This is a great reply, thanks for taking the time to post it. I agree with everything but I don't see how it's unhealthy, I'm not looking for a relationship I'm just happy to be appreciated.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Another thing is, whenever she needs help with something or needs someone to fill in for her because she's absent, she always ask me to do it...but now I've noticed it becoming a pattern I don't get why she doesn't ever ask any of her other friends.


I mean, this part sounds problematic if it is too frequent; is she willing to do the same for you?


Definitely, I mean she ended her last two messages by saying "IOU something cool for this" and "Always here to talk for anything as I know you are for me" so she's clearly willing to return the favour if I asked, I just have no interest to ask she makes me more than enough happy just talking to her.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 77,102
Location: Queens, NYC

23 Mar 2021, 4:51 pm

Hate to say it:

She's probably taking advantage of you in some way.

I've had these sorts of "relationships" at work, too.