Seriously struggling with mental health - please help me!

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Dermatillomanian
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03 Apr 2021, 11:38 am

Ok I'm just gonna let this all out and see what you guys think of it.

Long story short, I have not got over a girl who rejected me over 10 year agos and now I'm seriously struggling to stay away from suicidal thoughts 2 years after finding out she has a new boyfriend.

I don't know who to turn to in real life to discuss because of I'm afraid of the possibility of people trying to get them to break up and get me together with her, which is the wrong thing to do, even if I kill myself tonight.

The other issue is it's causing me physical and visible panic attacks constantly all day long so it's so hard to hide this from other people.

I've tried online dating and hookup apps but I can tell they won't work for me long term.

Please someone help me and stop me from committing suicide over this, because I fear it's the ONLY way for me to be at peace once more



HeroOfHyrule
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03 Apr 2021, 11:53 am

How much contact did you have with this woman before and after she rejected you? Are you still in contact with her?

I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much. I'm also curious as to how properly supportive you think your family is overall? If you think they'd try to get her together with you 10 years after being rejected it doesn't sound like they are actually helping you get over her.



Dermatillomanian
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03 Apr 2021, 12:01 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
How much contact did you have with this woman before and after she rejected you? Are you still in contact with her?

I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much. I'm also curious as to how properly supportive you think your family is overall? If you think they'd try to get her together with you 10 years after being rejected it doesn't sound like they are actually helping you get over her.


A lot before because we were in Irish high school final year together but no contact since.

I don't know how my family will respond.

I only think one of dozens of people who know both me and her would try to break off her current relationship if they heard about me being suicidal, of course they could do nothing in a potentially tricky situation or just not give a s**t about a potential suicide



HeroOfHyrule
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03 Apr 2021, 12:25 pm

Have you thought about why exactly you are so hung up over this girl? Like, are you afraid that it'll be hard to find someone else as a partner in general? Have you just not found someone that you like as much as her yet? Etc?

I was unhealthily hung up over my ex for months, even though the last year of our relationship was really crappy and I honestly don't like him as a person at all anymore. It took me awhile to figure out that I just am insecure about being able to find another partner in general, and am worried I won't find someone I like as much as I liked him. Figuring out why I thought I missed him so much was helpful and allowed me to reason with myself better.

I know she rejected you, so you didn't get to date her and my experience doesn't exactly apply to you, but there has to be a reason why you think you want her and only her.



Dermatillomanian
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03 Apr 2021, 12:47 pm

I don't really know the answer to that.

But previous experience of asking another girl out, getting rejected, and then focusing back on the first girl worries in terms of online dating or future dates that I won't be able to make that new girl my number one option and not even want the first girl as a backup option



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03 Apr 2021, 2:32 pm

If she broke up with you over 10 years ago, then obsessing about her is unhealthy. But then again you probably already know this.

When I was young I had a girlfriend that I was considering proposing to. But then she suddenly broke up with me saying she didn't want to be tied down. I found out a few months later she had moved to another State, was now married and expecting. It made no logical sense to me. Instead of obsessing, I moved on and found another girlfriend that eventually dumped me also. Part of dating is REJECTION. It goes with the territory. In a way it is like applying for a job. If you apply for a job and get turned down, then apply for another one and become better at presenting yourself and your capabilities. Eventually you will find a job. Dating is all about gaining experience and rejection is part of that experience. When I look back at when I was young and in school, NTs began dating in Junior High and had years of building up experience by the time I actually began the process around a decade latter. I was way behind the curve.

So rather than look at rejection as the fact that you were rejected personally; look at it as one step along the road to finding love and a mate. It is a process. Everyone NTs and Aspies alike need to work their ways through this process and become skilled at it. You need to enhance your skills and this is accomplished by dating other girls. Work towards becoming efficient in asking girls out, in dating, in romance and in love.


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03 Apr 2021, 2:34 pm

Dermatillomanian wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
How much contact did you have with this woman before and after she rejected you? Are you still in contact with her?

I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much. I'm also curious as to how properly supportive you think your family is overall? If you think they'd try to get her together with you 10 years after being rejected it doesn't sound like they are actually helping you get over her.


A lot before because we were in Irish high school final year together but no contact since.

I don't know how my family will respond.

I only think one of dozens of people who know both me and her would try to break off her current relationship if they heard about me being suicidal, of course they could do nothing in a potentially tricky situation or just not give a s**t about a potential suicide


No one should attempt to convince her to break off her current relationship. That's not something anyone is entitled to ask of her on your behalf and that's not something you're entitled to expect.


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Dermatillomanian
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03 Apr 2021, 2:41 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Dermatillomanian wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
How much contact did you have with this woman before and after she rejected you? Are you still in contact with her?

I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much. I'm also curious as to how properly supportive you think your family is overall? If you think they'd try to get her together with you 10 years after being rejected it doesn't sound like they are actually helping you get over her.


A lot before because we were in Irish high school final year together but no contact since.

I don't know how my family will respond.

I only think one of dozens of people who know both me and her would try to break off her current relationship if they heard about me being suicidal, of course they could do nothing in a potentially tricky situation or just not give a s**t about a potential suicide


No one should attempt to convince her to break off her current relationship. That's not something anyone is entitled to ask of her on your behalf and that's not something you're entitled to expect.


I know, was just saying I don't want that to happen and I would be furious with anyone who attempted to possibly do so and to address the previous poster, she didn't break up with me, we were never together, it was just a rejection of an asking out



funeralxempire
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03 Apr 2021, 2:46 pm

Dermatillomanian wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Dermatillomanian wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
How much contact did you have with this woman before and after she rejected you? Are you still in contact with her?

I'm sorry that this is upsetting you so much. I'm also curious as to how properly supportive you think your family is overall? If you think they'd try to get her together with you 10 years after being rejected it doesn't sound like they are actually helping you get over her.


A lot before because we were in Irish high school final year together but no contact since.

I don't know how my family will respond.

I only think one of dozens of people who know both me and her would try to break off her current relationship if they heard about me being suicidal, of course they could do nothing in a potentially tricky situation or just not give a s**t about a potential suicide


No one should attempt to convince her to break off her current relationship. That's not something anyone is entitled to ask of her on your behalf and that's not something you're entitled to expect.


I know, was just saying I don't want to happen and I would be furious with anyone who attempted to possibly do so and to address the previous poster, she didn't break up with me, we were never together, it was just a rejection of an asking out


Just making sure, not assuming.

You've got to work on putting it in perspective, which might be difficult to do but is necessary. You'll have lots of other people enter your life like how she did and most will only be there briefly and superficially. Sometimes they'll be people you'd like more depth and time with, they're interesting and you'd like if that interest was reciprocated. But, fixating on one where it's not an option hurts you and distracts you from other people with greater potential to get to know.


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Mountain Goat
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03 Apr 2021, 4:29 pm

To the origional poster. Forgive yourself. Often we blame ourselves for something that is not our fault. Forgive yourself as it is not your fault.



that1weirdgrrrl
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03 Apr 2021, 7:20 pm

You could call a crisis hotline. They are free, confidential and it will be easy to remain anonymous and avoid any meddling on your friends' affairs....

It looks like you are in Ireland? You could use Aware.....

Aware is a national organisation providing support, education and information to people impacted by depression, bipolar disorder and related mood conditions.

Tel: 1800 80 48 48

I sincerely hope you find the support you need :heart:


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nick007
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03 Apr 2021, 11:26 pm

I would recommend trying to get some mental help. The panic attacks & obsession makes me suspect OCD but you may be dealing with a bad depression as well. The panic attacks might could be helped by anxiety medication. I had bad anxiety & OCD that caused me to screw up my two previous relationships but being on the rite meds for that is helping me not screw my current relationship up. Counseling might could be useful as well. I know dealing with that can be extremely difficult & trying to get mental help can take some time & a bit of trial & error.


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Dermatillomanian
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04 Apr 2021, 6:51 am

nick007 wrote:
I would recommend trying to get some mental help. The panic attacks & obsession makes me suspect OCD but you may be dealing with a bad depression as well. The panic attacks might could be helped by anxiety medication. I had bad anxiety & OCD that caused me to screw up my two previous relationships but being on the rite meds for that is helping me not screw my current relationship up. Counseling might could be useful as well. I know dealing with that can be extremely difficult & trying to get mental help can take some time & a bit of trial & error.


Tried plenty of anxiety meds, none have really helped too much.



quite an extreme
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04 Apr 2021, 10:50 am

Dermatillomanian wrote:
Long story short, I have not got over a girl who rejected me over 10 year agos and now I'm seriously struggling to stay away from suicidal thoughts 2 years after finding out she has a new boyfriend.

It's nothing but your very own kind of self-hypnosis. Face reality and get over it!


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09 Apr 2021, 1:56 pm

Dermatillomanian wrote:
Tried plenty of anxiety meds, none have really helped too much.

Please stay alive. :jester:

I understand that with any medication affecting the brain’s neurotransmitters that it’s trial-and-error in a respectful sense. And not all doctors have the patience for this, frankly and/or their particular health care system doesn’t support them in seeing the patient often enough. And maybe phone consults only partially make up for this. So definitely real world issues.

I’ve read from multiple sources that an antidepressant typically takes 4 to 8 weeks to work (even if it’s one which is going to work for a particular patient).

I don’t know about medication to reduce and prevent panic attacks.



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09 Apr 2021, 2:00 pm

quite an extreme wrote:
. . . your very own kind of self-hypnosis. . .

Wouldn’t that pretty much be true for everything — good, bad, and in-between! :nemo: