Women Are Rarely Direct With You About Not Being Interested

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Gentleman Argentum
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08 May 2021, 3:20 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Aspies above all should never, ever drink -- because... because... well, say you have only a Celeron for your social cpu. And let's say, you decide to run the Celeron at half-speed (by drinking). Well, the poor little Celeron social cpu just can't keep up with all the social instructions firing at it all the time... result: freeze, glitch, system slowdown...problems! :coffee:
This isn't even close to truth for me. Some of my best social experiences happened while I was drunk. I had my first French kiss while totally wasted at a fraternity party in a bar. I danced with friendly women on my cruises, also while drink. I met a feisty lady during a karaoke night on one cruise, while I was drink, and singing onstage. After I sang and walked offstage, she shouted across the room to invite me to sit with her; I'm sure she was drunk too. She turned out to be one of the most fun women I ever met, even though she had sleeve tattoos and dropped F-bombs frequently. Me and her group hung out for the rest of the cruisel.

Last but not least, I first took up drinking after a very traumatizing therapy session. That ***** [female dog] didn't even apologize, but instead demanded that I tell her how the abusive session made me feel. :evil: I realized she was a sociopath who enjoyed seeing me emotionally destroyed. (Most, if not all, therapists are sociopaths, but she was just worse than others.) So I took up drinking. If it weren't for the alcohol that numbed my sad, miserable feelings, I probably would have committed suicide the same week. Which means there would have been blood on that the-rapist's hands, so alcohol saved her career too. I've been drinking every change I get ever since.


I recall my drinking daze & think drunks feel a kinship to one other much as sober folk do and gravitate toward one another. When they're not brawling or sobbing their eyes out they might be kissing and slobbering over one another or doing something that feels like a good time. It is really random but if you do find the right drunks of the appropriate sex, then it will be a blast! :jester:

As for therapist--I believe you when you say you had a bad apple, a sociopath, as I have encountered same in my brief, teenaged foray into psychotherapy. The psychotherapists hid my own patient information from me, plotted against me, lied, pitted me vs. my parents, antagonized me...all that stuff, and yes I really hated one in particular, a Doctor A---- (& I don't know why I obfuscate his name, as he's probably dead by now - or really old - but I know, the mods would not smile upon real names in the forum, and 'tis a matter of no consequence to anyone except me.)

It is funny how we really hate a certain therapist or another--even forty years later :lol: & how you use the profanity B--- signifying your anger - time to let go, yo.

They were trying to help us and failing, which means they suck at their job, so pity them, because that's an ill fate... and I think half the reason we hate them is because we were going through a heavy dark episode. It is especially difficult to reach those that are already lost in the darkness, and these fools that got advanced degrees may lack sufficient social skills to do the job they were assigned.

At any rate some of the less qualified counselors were actually much better and much more helpful - the less education, the more people skills is my rule of thumb.

Nowadays the only therapy I do is massage therapy of which I got one today :mrgreen:


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nomad48
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10 May 2021, 10:40 pm

Fnord wrote:
Women are not always direct, but if you know what to look for, you cannot go wrong.

"Yes" means "Yes".
Anything other than an obvious "Yes" means "No".

If she does not say "Yes", and you think she is just waiting for you to coax her, forget it.  If she is the kind of women to play mind games with you (and a small fraction of them will), then she is not worth your interest; and if you are the kind of man who will play those Incel/PUA mind games on a woman, then maybe you do not deserve a date in the first place.

Just smile, say "Thank you", and move on.


Some people can put everything into appealing to others and never achieve a thing. they will not have the status or prestige worth that person's time.



Muse933277
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26 Sep 2021, 9:56 pm

Dating is tough for this reason.



Sweetleaf
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27 Sep 2021, 2:35 am

Well at the end of the day so what?

I mean when I was looking for dates online I just kind of initially assumed most people would be flakey about it and probably not in the end actually go for a real life meet up.

But yeah idk maybe sometimes someone talks to someone for a while and finds they are not interested and is akward about it. And with how pissed off some guys get about a potentially interested women deciding maybe they aren't so interested it is no wonder why some want to try to let them off easy or just get away without having to give some defense as to why they aren't interested. Like what should we put women on trial for why they chose not to date a guy or continuing to see a guy they went on a date with and scrutinize their reason...maybe they just didn't want to and if you don't like it waaa.

But yeah one time I couldn't be direct with a guy that I was not interested was, because he tried to force himself on me so I just had to kind of play it off and let them mess with my boobs till I could finally make my way to the door and say I had to go...while pretending I did not see it as an outright assualt. I feel it was kind of lucky like that person was large enough I could not have stopped them if they tried to do something so I pretended I was willing enough and what not just long enough to get out. I think I like faked it enough to make them think I didn't mind so maybe i'd come back for more I even gave him a hug before I left, but yeah it was just an act so I could get the hell out of there. That was not online that was someone I met at the college..and even some people at my work study job thought he was cool enough...and he was like 30 while I was 18 and idk I thought he just wanted to be a friend but one time he invited me to watch movies and tried to get sexual but didn't seem willing to just take no as an answer when I tried turning it down but yeah just glad I somehow got out without getting raped.

Sure that is kind of extreme but like that is the kind of thing that sometimes women deal with, so sometimes well maybe we are worried of what will happen if we are too direct. I get that it is sh*tty from the perspective of someone who gets flaked out on...but like those kind of things can happen so sometimes women are just trying to be cautious and avoid situations like that. And threads like this make it sound like we should need excuses when maybe sometimes it is also ok to say no just because...like do women really need a specific reason to say no to an advance? Why should they have to defend their reasoning for saying no?


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Gentleman Argentum
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27 Sep 2021, 4:04 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah one time I couldn't be direct with a guy that I was not interested was, because he tried to force himself on me so I just had to kind of play it off and...

Sure that is kind of extreme but like that is the kind of thing that sometimes women deal with, so sometimes well maybe we are worried of what will happen if we are too direct. I get that it is sh*tty from the perspective of someone who gets flaked out on...but like those kind of things can happen so sometimes women are just trying to be cautious and avoid situations like that. And threads like this make it sound like we should need excuses when maybe sometimes it is also ok to say no just because...like do women really need a specific reason to say no to an advance? Why should they have to defend their reasoning for saying no?


Ew, that was a pretty unpleasant scenario, but I have had similar things happen to me as well back in the gay old days. But you know, when I stand up it is not that easy to keep me from leaving, I am taller and probably would have beat the crap out of a rapist guy tried to keep me from leaving. He would have been clutching his family jewels in the fetal position on the floor.

The trouble women get into is they get involved with big dominant alpha guys then get surprised by boorish, aggressive behavior. Alphas don't take no for an answer, they take it as a challenge. Meanwhile the gentle, kind and respectful beta guys like myself and probably every male on this forum, including the mods, are most of us sitting at home lonely or with that lucky woman that made the wise choice to give one of us a chance.

I don't personally need a woman to be direct about "No," as that is my default assumption and probably should be for all guys. No, until proven Yes.

I listen to how the woman talks to me, what she says. If she does not seem particularly interested, seems distant, not keen to get together again, then it is time to delete that number from my phone, quit contacting her.

So that's beta guy for you, the one you overlooked chasing big alpha guy that does all the talking (mostly about himself) at the dinner party


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Sweetleaf
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27 Sep 2021, 4:15 am

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah one time I couldn't be direct with a guy that I was not interested was, because he tried to force himself on me so I just had to kind of play it off and...

Sure that is kind of extreme but like that is the kind of thing that sometimes women deal with, so sometimes well maybe we are worried of what will happen if we are too direct. I get that it is sh*tty from the perspective of someone who gets flaked out on...but like those kind of things can happen so sometimes women are just trying to be cautious and avoid situations like that. And threads like this make it sound like we should need excuses when maybe sometimes it is also ok to say no just because...like do women really need a specific reason to say no to an advance? Why should they have to defend their reasoning for saying no?


Ew, that was a pretty unpleasant scenario, but I have had similar things happen to me as well back in the gay old days. But you know, when I stand up it is not that easy to keep me from leaving, I am taller and probably would have beat the crap out of a rapist guy tried to keep me from leaving. He would have been clutching his family jewels in the fetal position on the floor.

The trouble women get into is they get involved with big dominant alpha guys then get surprised by boorish, aggressive behavior. Alphas don't take no for an answer, they take it as a challenge. Meanwhile the gentle, kind and respectful beta guys like myself and probably every male on this forum, including the mods, are most of us sitting at home lonely or with that lucky woman that made the wise choice to give one of us a chance.

I don't personally need a woman to be direct about "No," as that is my default assumption and probably should be for all guys. No, until proven Yes.

I listen to how the woman talks to me, what she says. If she does not seem particularly interested, seems distant, not keen to get together again, then it is time to delete that number from my phone, quit contacting her.

So that's beta guy for you, the one you overlooked chasing big alpha guy that does all the talking (mostly about himself) at the dinner party


Well to be fair I wasn't chasing them at all..they were presented to me as like a person I could maybe trust, and idk so seemed like they were probably chill enough...all up until that thing I described. But yeah I was not interested in them I just though maybe they could be like an older student that could maybe just be a good friend...and idk I was naive enough to figure me being 18 and him being well into his 30's was clear enough that like it wasn't a romantic thing. But yeah whatever I was naive and stupid and he tried to take advantage.

But yeah that is kind of the thing I did not get so much chance as some people around here thing all females by default get to just pick and choose. Like I never really chased any guys...lol I had a pretty insignificant dating life and finally met my boyfriend because he sent me a good messege on okcupid that got my interest. Even though I am pretty short myself I did manage to date a guy shorter than me one time...and he is the one who broke it off with me because he did not feel a connection.


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27 Sep 2021, 8:31 am

nomad48 wrote:
Some people can put everything into appealing to others and never achieve a thing. they will not have the status or prestige worth that person's time.
Some people can put everything into appealing to others because they are desperately hoping for something in return.


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Gentleman Argentum
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27 Sep 2021, 10:54 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well to be fair I wasn't chasing them at all..they were presented to me as like a person I could maybe trust, and idk so seemed like they were probably chill enough...all up until that thing I described. But yeah I was not interested in them I just though maybe they could be like an older student that could maybe just be a good friend...and idk I was naive enough to figure me being 18 and him being well into his 30's was clear enough that like it wasn't a romantic thing. But yeah whatever I was naive and stupid and he tried to take advantage.

But yeah that is kind of the thing I did not get so much chance as some people around here thing all females by default get to just pick and choose. Like I never really chased any guys...lol I had a pretty insignificant dating life and finally met my boyfriend because he sent me a good messege on okcupid that got my interest. Even though I am pretty short myself I did manage to date a guy shorter than me one time...and he is the one who broke it off with me because he did not feel a connection.


You brought up a good point about how you met someone in real life and they proved super-creepy.
You met someone on a dating app, and now he's your boyfriend.

A lot of people here seem to feel dating apps are worse, risky... I think that is nonsense, meeting someone off the street is risky, even if a friend makes the introduction.

I may give okcupid another try. I think I understand better how dating apps work or don't work. My expectations have lowered until basically I have none.


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20 Dec 2021, 4:40 pm

women are also normally the same way when it comes to actually being interested or being attracted to a guy, actually liking a guy, women are normally never upfront or point-blank, blunt when it comes to expressing interest in a guy, thats why its still very rare and probably always will be very rare for a woman to approach a guy or ask a guy out or be the initiator in starting a relationship



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20 Dec 2021, 5:43 pm

I am going to crawl a little further out on this metaphorical limb and assume that I know what women want (e.g., I am only guessing here).

[opinion=mine]

Women of child-bearing age who date men are, deep down inside, looking for a man with whom they can raise children.  To this end, a relationship has to (at the very least) have the potential for full-time commitment.  This can only happen if the following conditions are met:

• Can she have a real conversation with him?  This means something other than traditionally man-centric topics like sports, hunting, drinking, and sex.

• Do his qualities that mesh well with hers?  For example, if she hates to cook, then his cooking skills should take up the slack.

• Do their plans coincide?  For example, if she plans on an acting career, and he plans on running his daddy's pig farm, then a future together may be doomed.

• Do the things he says match up with his behavior?  If he says he is interested only in her at the same he is scoping out the waitress, then he is headed for the Friend Zone (at best) or the Creep Zone (at worst).

• Does he behave like a gentleman?  While the man does not need the mannerisms of an English butler, he should remember to behave courteously toward her, instead of treating her like "one of the guys" or a life-support system for a vagina.

• Does he believe in her dreams and her ability to meet her goals?  A man who dismisses a woman's dreams is stifling her spirit, and she will likely become sullen and lifeless, subtly sniping at the man's own dreams and ambitions.

• Does he believe in the same things as her?  Having similar philosophies, political opinions, and religious beliefs encourage togetherness and interpersonal growth.

• Does he even want to become a daddy?   Be honest; if you do not want to be a daddy, then say so from the start.  Do not lie to her, and do not string her along on false hope.

• Is he ambitious?  This means simple ambition (e.g., always wanting a better life) -- something for which everyone should aspire.

• Is he physically attractive to her?  While this may be the most important aspect for some (everyone's appearance eventually deteriorates), it is not a deal-breaker if he is average, as long as everything else is there.

• Is he reliable?  He says what he means and means what he says.  He is punctual, does what needs to be done, and never lets her down.  His bills are paid on time, and she can count on his help and support even if sex is not part of the relationship.

Two more that seem weird, but that actually make sense to parents:

• Can she trust this man to raise their children alone if she should suddenly die?  Those kids are her future, even if she is no longer around.  Will he raise their daughters in her image?  Will he raise their sons to respect women?

• Is he the kind of man she wants her children spending every-other weekend with?  Okay, so not every marriage lasts forever; this too must be taken into account.  Is he going to be a good daddy, even though he and their mother no longer get along?  Will he spoil them?  Will he abuse them?  Will he abandon them entirely without a moment's guilt?

While this is not an "All-Or-Nothing" checklist, it is important to note that some men seem to focus on only one or two of these qualities without giving due consideration for any of the others.  Because of this, reasonable women will observe a man closely, and not waste any more of their time on a man who (for example) focusses solely on his "manly" physique at the expense of good manners and the ability to maintain a thoughtful conversation.


[/opinion]



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20 Dec 2021, 5:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
I think this is interesting. Men in my experience are also not direct. For example, if you only want to have sex, why not say so? [..]
Because saying, "Hey, y'wanna f███?" is just plain rude, and "Shall we engage in mutual coital activity?" seems too damned formal, even for me.


And in conservative areas, you would get a response worse than no. How bad a response depends on how many immediate male relatives she has, all determined to make sure she stays pure until her wedding day.


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20 Dec 2021, 6:27 pm

What I have discovered is that when you're direct with a girl, they tend to be direct to you back.

For instance, whenever I have asked a girl out on a date, and specifically said the word date, or I have expressed my romantic interest, this makes girls be more direct with me. Of course, I always get friendzoned, but still. At least they are telling the truth.



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20 Dec 2021, 6:57 pm

sometimes i envy male lions, their role in attracting a mate or courting a female, looks easier than compared to humans.