Ever loved somebody that doesn't love you?

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Hi WrongPlanet Users

How do you cope when you love somebody that doesn't love you back nor will they ever love you back? Would you stop contact with them to ease the pain or stay in contact and just be friends? Would you tell them you love them? if so what do you think they would say?

I wish i didn't full in love.

Thank you

Many times. 'Tis no great thing, as
by my definition, one loves their friends.

Just a shift in expectations.

And I DO mean the same kind
of love. Just remove the physical
desire aspect.

Too many times to count. I hate love.

sb - life without loving (even unrequited)
is not worthwhile. Doesn't have to be a
person, but don't fault the feeling.

Ever loved somebody that doesn't love you?

Yeah, and it sucks. The best thing to do is move on because anything else will lead to trouble. You might never forget them entirely but soon the memories will fade.

Ed Almos

Fade maybe. But if they disappear,
I wouldn't call it love.

The only thing that helped me in this situation was time and medication.

Looking back, the 'love' I had felt like an illness - like OCD or something because it completely consumed me and I couldn't think of anything else, and I felt it physically too, like someone was trying to pull at my insides or something.

Time (minimum 2 years!) helped make this better. I tried counselling but it didn't really help.

The thing that has really helped me with this is prozac because it 'turns off' my feelings - not completely, but just so that they don't confuse me and get in the way of my functioning and also of my having rational and logical thought. It is also good for reducing obsessive tendencies.

Might be an obsession, too >.<

I would recommend going easy on the friendship for a while.

Maybe not seeing them for a week or two, let the obsession fade a bit - if it doesn't fade, it might be love :/

Problem with staying friends if they start reciprocating and they don't think they want to reciporate, it starts to confuse you and will tear you apart.

Waiting and seeing if someday they think they like you, espercially, is a bad bad thing even if signs are there that they do.

Yes. In fact I'm currently nursing the bleeding open wound that constitutes my feelings towards a very good friend of mine. And after two years, it's getting less and less funny (and it wasn't exactly a laugh-riot to begin with).

Stupid rassum-frassum love.

yes, I have loved unrequited

he never loved me back, he did say he was 'sorry' if I actually felt that way, and did say 'someone in his past begged him to love him back and he didn't want to go through that embarrassment again' which I took as a warning that he didn't want me to pursue it with him.
I did leave flowers on his doorstep and ran before he answered the bell, but this was years before 'stalking' was well known, I suppose maturity and caution would stop me from doing something like that today.
I had to move on and move out, so I would not be constantly tortured by him being with others or flirting with others as he avoided me after I told him my feelings.
We are not responsible for FEELING attached, but we ARE responsible for how we act on those feelings.
as my mom used to say "My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins"

sorry I don't have more encouraging words for you, but the feelings fade if we remove ourselves from constant stimulus.

Merle

Yes. I once loved someone quite dearly, only to find out she didn't feel the same. It was extremely painful, but you know what they say - time heals all wounds.

Are you sure they don't feel the same way back?

I ask because I know I tend to freak a bit when I realize I'm interested in someone. The prospect of rejection triggers a defense mechanism that causes me to be convinced there is no way the person could reciprocate my feelings (even if there's no real reason for me to think I'd be rejected). I then attempt to condition myself into no longer liking them (I'm trying to mentally reject them before they reject me).

I don't know what your situation is, but unless you've actually talked to this person and gotten a confirmation that they don't feel the same way back, don't be so sure that they could never reciprocate you're feelings.

If you have gotten confirmation then yes, that really sucks. Personally, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out than have to deal with rejection. If you know for certain this person doesn't feel the same way, you might need to take a break from them for a while to distance yourself.

Tangent - I just noticed I'm a snowy owl

Last edited by Spot17 on 22 Jul 2007, 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yarr

It's not love if it isn't reciprocated. It's mere infactuation. In my opinion, that is.

Fair. I hate romantic love then. It's great when you're in it(I am now, I think), but I think the world would be better without romantic love.

Yes, in the past this happened and it didn't make sense to me. Now that I am older, and am more mature (not to mention being diagnosed as AS), I understand how this works better. Basically, if you are a guy, you need to find a girl who likes you more than you like her, or you will simply be constantly trying to gain her approval and meet their standards. This is just my opinion, but most of the guys I know in RL will attest to this. Also I don't think it's really love if it's only one way, it's infatuation or a crush or lust etc, which can be confused with love.