Are Christian girls more judgemental in non-religious topics

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What exactly is it they get picky over on skype? give me an example? why are they "snowflakes" when it comes to skype?

I see your point: when they hear Christianity they don't hear insecurity. But at the same time I don't want to make the opposite mistake and only have them hear insecurity without hearing Christianity. Because what I really want is to understand the connection between the two. Are Chrsitian women more insecure than secular ones? Thats what I am trying to ask.

Maybe replace the word "judgemental" with the word "insecure" while leaving the word Christian there? That would probably sumarize my question better. But in any case it doesn't let me edit it any more.



That is certainly possible. Because, even though she was around 30 when she stated dating me, she told me I was the very first guy she dated. And she was talking about other guys being to no good at the beginning when we were starting talking. And yes, she did connect it to Christianity: she said most people aren't good Christians so they are to no good.

The other thing that comes to mind is her sister: her sister's boyfriend broke up with her a year after me and her started dating, and she told me she thinks that her boyfriend had another girl. I didn't know the time they broke up since she didn't tell me until a while after the fact, but as it happens she started getting upset about my skype issue also a year after we started dating, so that seems like it might be related.

However, the above paragraph only refers to the woman I met in 2012--2014. But then what about the woman that I met just a month ago, that was also devote Christian and also accused me of cheating? In her case, she didn't have a sister who was cheated on, yet she acted VERY SIMILARLY to that earlier girl. In particular, here are the similarities:

1) They both acted like they were very easy going and everything was fine

2) They both tried to leave in a very easy going way. In particular,

a) In case of 2012--2014 girl she was like "oops, the skype doesn't work" (so I think its just a leisurly remark) but then she goes like "wait a second, I want to know why the skype doesn't work" (and I am surprised why is she so upset about something that I thought was leisurly) and then only later she tells me that actually she thought it was another girl, which I never suspected till she told me

b) In case of a girl a month ago, she had a nice easy going phone conversation with me, then she said in equally easy going way that she had to go. Then I don't hear from her. Then few days later I contact her to find out why she lost interest. At first she tried to be nice about it, as in "oh you are just so far away". But after I pushed she told me that actually she thought there was another girl.

To me those girls really remind me of each other. They are both finding "easy going" ways of exitting the situation when I don't act "proper" in their book. Both fit the description of a "snowflake". You see, here are the two things about the snowflake:

a) Snow flake melts easily. Just like these two girls get spooked easily

b) Snow flake is soft, just like these two girls act like they are easy going

When I got mad at that second girl, that made me want to google "snowflake". What I found on google was some college kids starting a fight over something others would of thought to be insignificant. I was like "no, those college kids are NOT snowflakes; snowflakes can't fight; BUT those two girls I dated ARE snowflakes, very much so, and it pisses me off".

In any case, since these two snowflakes are both devoted Christian, thats why I am asking whether being a Christian is related to it.



Unfortunately its too late, it won't let me edit it.

Last edited by QFT on 08 Aug 2021, 2:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Apparently, there’s a woman who thinks the OP cheated because of a Skype malfunction.

Seems like she’s sort of nuts, to me.

When you say "more judgemental", what do you mean?

More judgemental than Muslim girls? Jewish girls? Sikh girls?

And are you dating girls, or women?

Sorry I thought it was all the same woman. I read it twice as well. Silly me.

I have another theory, but its an extension of my first. They were probably brought up in a very rigid gender role culture which is a whole other rabbit hole. And also I'm not American, this is what I observe from reading what Americans write.

But it seems Americans in the south have a bit of a "Boys will be boys" attitude and expect men to be louts (I can't think of an American English translation). And I'll bet they think "Christian" men have slightly higher standards than the average Joe, so will expect even worse "boys will be boys" behaviour from non-Christians.

If one expects an outcome then often one will look for that outcome. They expect men to be cheaters. They expect non-Christian men to have even lower standards, so they expect him to cheat especially.

Actually I've seen people give up Christianity and go wild because they were told non-Christians got up to all sorts of nefarious things. So they got into all sorts to prove they were normal, but in actual fact they proved that they were just sheltered and didn't know how other people actually behave.

My friend thought that a non-Christians reaction to a sad event was really touching the other day and I had to bite my tongue not to say, "you know they have feelings too right!" I held back because she was grieving

To a Brit their politeness seems normal. We are especially polite when angry and trying to gloss it over and get away from what made us angry in the first place. So I can't comment on that. When a Brit says something is ok rather than great -Run.

https://verybritishproblemstshirts.com/product/bloody-hell-t-shirt/?cgi=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgb6IBhAREiwAgMYKRmk0aLwWhH32ZjNo481EZF-pNkikiRkaEHEAANU4orWmyy9_yvbzoBoCIJwQAvD_BwE

On the other hand some people really love drama!!

If there's no drama. Create drama.

Drama on TV is entertaining and exciting. They want their mundane life to be exciting.

They want you to say no, I only have eyes for you and show some grand gesture of love to make them feel good.

So I had two skype accounts and I told her the TRUE reason why. In particular I didn't want my mom to know that she exists so I wanted to skype with her from an account other than the one my mom knows about. Now, the skype account my mom knows about is hooked up to hotmail, so any time I log into hotmail it pops up even if I am not using it. But I didn't know that is how it worked (I only figured it out TOGETHER with her after an hour of us arguing about it). So when she said that the other account pops up I didn't know why. But the other thing is that when she said it the first time she pretended as if it is leisurly curiocity. So I was in the middle of a monologue about religion, and she interrupted my monologue to make that "light" remark about the other skype account. So my interpretation of it was that she was probably bored with my monologue and got disracted (which is really not unusual at all) but I felt a need to finish it anyway. So when she said "oh isn't it interesting your other account pops up" I said "oh yeah thats interesting" and then went right back to my monologue. But then she started to continue to bring it up in more and more angry way. So once she did make an angry tone then there was no way for me to miss that. But I still didn't know it had anything to do with cheating. Rather it sounded like she was angry over nothing. So I blew up at her and then she hanged up. Then I started calling her over and over and she said "I am done talking, you got what you wanted". Then I persisted and then she finally got back on, and THAT was when we figured out together that my hotmail hooked to the skype account. But it was like a two hour process of figuring it out. And to make it worse wifi stopped working so I had to get to paid station, and there I could only chat with her but I couldn't actually skype. Yet she "told me" that I was on a laptop since she saw my skype account popping up again. And I was telling her I have no idea why my skype account pops up (remember I haven't figured out that it is hooked to hotmail yet) but I know FOR A FACT that I am on paid computer and not on a laptop because I see what is in front of me and I am not blind nor hallucinating. But for some reason she didn't seem to get it. She still thought I was on a laptop. Now, remember she haven't told me that she suspected me of cheating yet. So I had no idea thats what it was about. I literally thought that she was thinking I was hallucinating, and I had no idea how could she possibly think that. Then after we had this really frustrating argument for an hour, we FINALLY figured out that my email was hooked to skype account and it pops up every time I check my email.

Then the other thing with skype was when it was not working very well due to the bad connection. Actually part of the reason I had bad connection is because I wasn't very careful with my laptop so its internet cord got damaged. But it didn't get damaged too much, just a little bit. So I could still get into the internet from my laptop, it just wasn't working too well sometimes. And by "sometimes" I mean that maybe 80% of my conversation with her were okay and 20% there were some connection inconveniences. During the vast majority of those 20% she acted very easy going about it. But then one day she decided to make a big deal about it. And, as it happened, that one day had nothing to do with my laptop. Instead, it had to do with wifi being turned off in the house I was at. So its like the one and only time when it was TRULY out of my control yet that is when she decides to get mad at me. I guess one thing that happened at that time that didn't happen at the other times is this. Normally when she sends me a skype messages she sees those gray circles in her screen, and those gray circles go away when I read them. So when there is a connection problem and I don't get to read those messages, then the gray circles on her screen stay. But what happened this time is that the gray circles on her screen went away, while at the same time I didn't see her messages. So she didn't believe me that I didn't see them. Yet I know for a fact I didn't see them. Now, if you ask me how is it possible that she saw the circles go away yet I didn't see her messages, I can speculate. Maybe the connection was strong enough for one and not strong enough for the other. If the common knowledge says its impossible, I have no idea how that happened. But what I do know is that I didn't see the messages on my screen, she saw the circles on her screen go away, so somehow such glitch did happen. How, I have no idea. But I am not going to accuse her of lying, nor am I going to accuse myself of hallucinating. I trust both what I say and what she says. I didn't get how she couldn't understand this simple concept. But again I had no idea it had anything to do with another girl since she didn't tell me till later.

Both of the skype examples are with the 2012--2014 girl. On the other hand, what happened with a girl a month ago is that she wanted to exchange phone numbers with me and I told her I didn't want to talk on the phone because I live with my mom during the pandemic, and I keep from her that I use dating sites. Then I noticed that she started talking to me less and less. I later asked her why is that. She told me two things: one is that my photo doesn't look white (actually I am white so I don't know what it is about the photo that made her think that) and the other is that mom thing made her think I am "hiding something". "Hiding something" is her words, so I wasn't sure whether she meant "hiding something from my mom" (as in I am a bad person) or "hiding something from her" (as in, its not really my mom but rather another girl). From what I learend a couple of weeks later, it was the latter. But I assumed it was the former. So I explained myself how I am "not watching porn nor doing anything else my mom wouldn't like; its just that my mom is overprotective". Also, I told her over and over, that I know for a fact I am white so it was a photo illumination that was off. She didn't believe me and still said she needed to see my other photos. So I referred her to an hour-long video of my physics lecture. After she seen that video she believed me that I am white. So after I convinced her I am white, she was willing to give me another chance. Now when she called me first time, I happened to have been doing other thing so I didn't pick it up. She left me a message though, but I was enjoying a sight of a community college campus I used to go to in the good old days so I didn't really want to disract myself with the phone calls; but getting a message from her DID feel like "icing on a cake" so to speak. I was certainly happy to get that message! And then she called me the next day, and it happened that when she called me I was in the same room as my mom. So I hanged up on her since I hide from my mom that I am using dating sites. Then few minutes later I sent her a text saying I only hanged up because of my mom. She responsed by saying "isn't it a bit strange". I then explained that it was my mom treating me like a little kid so thats why I react accordingly. I then called her and we talked for like 15 minutes or so. It sounded like an easy going conversation, so I thought everything was fine. We mostly talked about religion, and she asked me what I thought of homeschooling (which I assumed to be a good sign: why would she discuss it unless she views me as a potential partner). But then she had to go. When she said it I asked her if I turned her off. She said I didn't, we just talked long enough. Interestingly enough she didn't say that she had to do this that and htat other thing like most people would have. Instead she was like "I am not sure what I am going to do, maybe lay down or maybe watch TV". This sounds strange that she didn't even attempt to make an excuse. Yet at the same time she sounded really easy going so it didn't seem like she stopped talking either. But then I didn't hear from her for few days. So then I called her and she was like "oh no I was just busy with my family". And then I pressed on further saying that its hard to believe because if she really wanted to talk she would find a few minutes in an entire day to message me. Then she said that part of it is that I am really far away. So then I asked if I am far away then this would have been an issue from get go, why did it become an issue now? She pointed out that she only said "part of it". So then I asked her what is the other part. Then she wasn't saying. Then I decided to make a guess FOR her and ask her if its true. So I went BACK to her saying "I am hiding something" in connection to my mom. Now remember how the first time I assumed she meant hiding something "from my mom" (as in doing something my mom won't approve of). Well, THIS TIME I decided to try a different meaning: namely, "hiding something from that girl" (as in, lying to her it was my mom when actually its another girl). So I outright asked her "did you think I was with another girl when I said it was my mom". SHE SAID YES. So then I started to repeatedly telling her its not the case and how I realize its hard to believe that a 41 year old would have a mom issues but its true. After repeated messages like that she finally believed me, and said we can try again. So we did "try again". I told her how its good for me to call her a certain time in the morning because that is when I am suppsoed to "go running", so I can lie to my mom I am running while actually talking to her (and yes I told her that running would have to be a lie since I can't talk and run at the same time). She was fine with that so we had our conversation that day. Then the next day I called her an hour late because I overslept, and I apologized for it explaining that I slept really well, she said it was fine, and we had another long conversation. During the end of second conversation she mentinoed how she was thikning of re-locating just to find people from her sect. That made me worried because it contradicts any possible plan of relocating to where I am (since I have to be at my university). So I brought it up, and she said yes she can consider relocating to where I am too, but she needs to talk on skype first. So we agreed to decide when is the best time to talk on skype. Then the next day I didn't call her at all, again I overslept, and this time I just assumed it would be fine since it was fine the previous day. As it happened my mom had to go to a doctor which normally takes half a day if not a full day. So I texted her that this is a perfect time to skype with her since I can go to Barns and Noble and if my mom shows up early I can just lie to her that my computer is broken and I went to fix it. She said "well, not today". I thought she was frustrated that I didn't call her when I was supposed to. So I started sending her text after text explaning how the reason I didn't call was because I was preparing all night for the meeting with my professor (which is true). She said to me that actually my not calling is not an issue: in fact she thinks we talk a bit too much. What bothers her is that I keep asking her if she dislikes something every time she ends the phone conversation. And then she added "is your laptop really broken?" So I told her no its not broken I just want to tell my mom its broken to get an excuse to get out of the house at some time other than my running (namely to fix it). She then sent me a bunch of verses to show me why lying is wrong and asked me why can't I just say I go to Barns and Noble without making any stories. I said that my mom treats me like a little child so if I just tell her I go to Barns and Noble she would get nousy as to why I want to go there. She never responded to that message nor a subsequent message.

As far as "boys will be boys", thats the expression I head in the context of saying its okay for boys to do those things. But in her case she certainly didn't think it was okay for boys to cheat. I guess literal meaning of that expression can be two things:

a) Its okay for boys to be boys

b) No its not okay for boys to be boys, but they will be boys anyway, so they can't be trusted

While both "a" and "b" fits the literal reading, I am used to hearing that expressin as in "a", but what you are saying would make more sense only in terms of "b"



But in my case I am a Christian, and she knew it -- or else she won't be dating me.

Its true though that I was in a different denomination than her: she was Southern Baptist and I was Messianic. So are you saying they also assume that Christians of their own denomination are better-behaved than Christians of other denominations?

Here is an example. I am a Protestant. But I will still admit that Catholics might be better behaved than Protestants when it comes to keeping themselves till marriage (still by far not all are pure, but they are more likely to be). Now, are you saying that most other American Protestants won't make that assumption, and most of them will assume Catholics are promiscuous just cause they aren't in their denomination?

Thats a good question. What I assumed it means is that they are judgemental towards things like having different beliefs from their own, or sexual orientation, or the like. Those are connected to religion in a self explanatory ways. Yet the women described above are "reacting" towards totally mundane things, unrelated to any of the above. Which makes me wonder: is this "also" part of what people mean when they say Christians are judgemental, or no?



More judgemental than agnostic/atheist girls.

And also conservative Christians are more judgemental than liberal Christians.



Everyone I date is an adult. In American English it is common to refer to adult female as a girl. Particularly if she is in her 20-s, but in the 30-s they do that too sometimes, although less often. The woman I dated in 2012--2014 was 30 when we started and 32 when it ended. The woman a month ago was 39.

But then why did both of them ended up leaving?

Can I make three comments before diving into your very long post.

Firstly there is evidence that both girls (the 2013/14 girl and the month ago girl) are put off talking to you on skype because they likely suspect your mother is able to either i) listen in to your talking and/or ii) open skype through her account and spy. While they may understand you live with your mother during the lockdown its hard to be close to somebody long distance when there's a mother hovering around.

Because of your mother you are also acting "shady" so maybe that's why they think you are hiding something, If you can't be 100% honest with these girls online then how do you expect them to trust you?

Third is I don't think the girl is racist. More she is worried about being catfished. Why? because she thinks your photo doesn't match how she expects you look. This may be another reason why she doesn't trust you.

Website glitch made a double post

Last edited by hurtloam on 08 Aug 2021, 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes I meant b) MY mum is very much of that attitude. "Men can't be trusted". My Dad has never cheated and they've been married for 40years, but still... She doesn't trust men. She thinks most guys she meets would cheat with her if she gave them the opportunity. It's a form of toxic masculinity - the idea that men have urges they can't control so women need to keep them in check.

When I moved to my new flat and she saw my downstairs neighbours were 2 guys she said, "Don't get close with the men". I had to laugh. They're not my type. I'm still not sure if they're a couple or not anyway.

I'm sorry I don't know much about differences in denominations. I can't comment on that

That would make sense, except that neither of them mentioned it. Or are you saying they were too polite to say this and so they substitutted it with other things? But, if so, why would saying "your mom might spy" would be more rude than saying "you might be cheating"? I would assume it to be the opposite.



The lockdown is only applicable to the second girl, not the first one. The first was in 2012--2014, which was long before covid ever started.

Also in case of the first girl I was far away from my mom. But I made two skype accounts anyway in case my mom visits.



But I never said I wasn't 100% honest with them. The only thing I said was that I admitted to them how I lie to my mom. But I didn't actually lie "to them".



Actually during the first message when she said she didn't think I was white, she quoted some biblical scriptures against mixing animals of different breeds and claimed it applies to humans too. And then, after she was convinced I am white, we talked about some race issues and she said she believed in blacks being under the curse of Ham as well as Whites being lost tribes of Israel.



I know exactly what you are saying because on that dating site I saw a lot of girls who say they are white yet their photo is sort of ambiguous (not really white and not really colored) and they all turned out to display other red flags of scammers (such as using "am" instead of "I am", making grammar mistakes, etc). And that particular site happens to have A LOT of scammers. I run into them on a daily basis.

At the same time, however, when I shown her that hour-long video of my lecture, I would assume it would be enough to convince her that my photo matches it. Because during the lecture I would look by all those different angles, so she should be able to extrapolate how I would look like on that photo. Although of course thats just my assumption, I could be wrong.

So do you think the fact that women won't approach me or start a conversation with me is part of that phenomenon? Since you said "boys will be boys" is an American mentality, do you think if I go to England then women would be more likely to approach me?

I wouldn’t count on women approaching you—anywhere.

At least 90% of the time in the “real world,” it’s the man that must approach the woman, even if the woman strongly hints that she wants to be approached by you.

Religious Christian women: even MORE likely that the man must approach the woman.