Have you been the "loose wheel" on a double date?

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Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,125

20 Aug 2021, 10:13 am

You may have heard the expression "the 3rd wheel", or the "extra wheel" when you're in a situation where there's one other couple and just you, or multiple couples and just you. Which remains forever a point of semi-awkwardness in "NT culture".

NOTE: what I'm about to say is mostly Aspie male-oriented, but could also be for Aspie females.

So, what about what I call "the loose wheel" - when you're on a double-date with a friend and the girl he's paired up with, and they're getting on great, but you're not... or, to make things more upsetting - you find out your date has spoken with the others behind your back and asked "what's up with your friend - is he all right?" 8O :( :x

I can honestly say I've been "the loose wheel" more than once. And it was emotionally painful. But the thing was, I couldn't act out my frustrations or get angry, b/c then I'd likely lose that friend (as my reaction may very well f*** up his prospects with the young lady he was with).

One advantage I had was I always looked youthful, worked out, and had a good IT job...but still had "the quirks". So the NT friend I hung out with was more introverted, yet fairly socio-emotionally savvy, and he'd had a difficult childhood family-wise (which I did too). This was from the age of about 25-31, and we eventually parted ways. But anyways, on two occasions of an arranged double-date, I ended up being the loose wheel, which wasn't very fun. In one case, the girl I was paired up with was super-hot, like long blonde hair, big eyes, shapely... so I admit that I was a bit nervous, but didn't make any horrible overt mistakes.

Another time in the summer, with that same guy, we'd met two girls at a club who were in town visiting and staying at a hotel - my friend and the other one hit it off very well but mine was basically frosty... and when we got back to the hotel, I was in a really awkward situation where they had another (girl) friend sleeping in the bed b/c she wasn't feeling well and didn't go out with the other two...so I was stuck with the frosty one on the couch, while my buddy was banging the hot girl he had chemistry with, in the bathroom against the wall. I had to wait for him to be done so that he could drive me back home or I'd have to take a cab. And the cold girl had her legs curled up across the couch so as if to say " don't even think of sitting here" - even with my non-fluency in nonverbal, I KNEW what that meant.

So, yeah, awkward...being the "loose wheel"! !

But to my credit, on one occasion the year after, the situation was reversed - that was a BIG confidence booster :)


Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 37
Posts: 5,052
Location: canada

20 Aug 2021, 4:24 pm

Things like this is why I never got the big deal about double dating. I went with my two friends and my new gf was the loose wheel, but I had her back of course. But I guess it just happens sometimes.


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Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,450
Location: United States

22 Aug 2021, 12:01 pm

I've been a loose wheel. Not so much on an actual double date, but on an outing with a friend and two girls he met. I knew the guy during college. He was a total player, or what the Red Pill community calls an alpha male. He had four regular FWB's and countless hookups. He was also very suave, and had scammed a few guys into lending him money and things, that he didn't pay back or return. But he treated me with some level of decency, so I was friends with him.

One evening, he called me and said he just met two girls, and invited me to come along. I didn't get why he'd invite a hideous monster (that's me) to hang out with girls, but I had nothing to do that night, so I said OK. We went to a bar, that had a dance floor and music playing. After a few drinks and get-to-know-you chit-chat, we hit the dance floor. We danced in partners. The girl dancing with my friend looked like she was on cloud nine. Her smile was a mile wide, and she was snuggling into him. While mine had a "Oh my god, ew, ew, ew! He's so ugly!" look on her face. Well, her mouth smiled, but her eyes gave it away. Mind you, I showered just hours earlier, wore nice clothes, and didn't hold her any closer than the standard partner dance position. Once I picked up on her body language, I stepped aside, so she could dance with my friend; her facial expression did a total 180 in seconds. Then I danced with my friend's original dance partner. She was better at hiding her disgust with me, but by then, I felt so self-conscious, that the dancing became awkward.

At the end of the night, he got full-body hugs from both girls, while I got polite handshakes. I downed 3 shots of vodka as soon as I got home, and went to bed feeling even more disgusted with myself than those girls did.

P.S.: The dancing and disgust became a nonissue once I became a regular in my city's dance community. There, women (and men) compartmentalize very well between romantic dancing and social dancing, and there are strict rules governing the latter.


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Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 722
Location: Dorset

23 Aug 2021, 6:52 am

A friend I had once tried to set me up, I think. His girlfriend had a friend and they maybe thought she and I would hit it off. So we went out together and yeah, really didn't go well. I can't really function in bars and pubs (I hadn't worked this out at that age though) so I was almost mute, in complete shutdown and barely talked to the girl, who I'm sure was a perfectly lovely person. I left early and must have come across as a complete a-hole. They didn't bother trying to set me up again!


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Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 82,683
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Aug 2021, 5:13 am

No “loose wheel” for me.

I just fell in the street. Now I know how it feels to be a “loose wheel” falling from my wagon of a body :wink: