My gf only wants to have spontaneous unplanned sex.

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badRobot
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05 Oct 2021, 1:48 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh ok, but just because I prefer to plan, does that mean we are sexually incompatible just based on that alone?

In dating, is there a way to find out if you are sexually compatible with someone before having sex? Or is the only to find out for sure is to have sex and find out the hard way?

You could plan around her spontaneity and plan to make her feel it was spontaneous. Kind of like a good movie or masterful drawing, the more planning was put into it, the more deliberate and less spontaneous every shot or line is, the more natural and spontaneous it feels when you watch it. Many relationships work well when at least one person puts effort into planning and arranging stuff to make it feel fresh and spontaneous over years.



cyberdad
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05 Oct 2021, 10:53 pm

Actually Robot makes sense.



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 6:12 am

Sex should never be a “planned” thing.



badRobot
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06 Oct 2021, 6:28 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sex should never be a “planned” thing.

kraftiekortie wrote:
What works for one person might not work for another person.


It's is really amazing how you use this argument in discussion about basic physiological processes like "human body needs water to stay hydrated" which applies to every living human, but all over sudden it's categorical "should never be" when it's about personal life preferences, where this is actually true.



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 7:31 am

Having sex is just not as necessary for survival as drinking water.

I've had "planned" sex before; it just doesn't do it for me. I'm talking from experience.

Not all "logic" is actually 'logical" when put to real-life scrutiny.



badRobot
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06 Oct 2021, 7:43 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Having sex is just not as necessary for survival as drinking water.

Yep, but every time I say something as straightforward as "human body needs water to stay hydrated", you are trying to object my opinion with arguments like "what works for one person might not work for another person".

But now all over sudden your favorite philosophy "what works for one person might not work for another person" doesn't apply to actually deeply subjective and individual thing, personal life preferences? Like, WTF?

This is so weird to me, I just can't wrap my mind around this mentality.



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06 Oct 2021, 8:00 am

badRobot wrote:
But now all over sudden your favorite philosophy "what works for one person might not work for another person" doesn't apply to actually deeply subjective and individual thing, personal life preferences? Like, WTF?

This is so weird to me, I just can't wrap my mind around this mentality.


I see what you are saying here, and I agree.

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sex should never be a “planned” thing.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've had "planned" sex before; it just doesn't do it for me. I'm talking from experience.


Your "experience" is exactly that. It's anecdotal and doesn't necessarily apply to anyone but you. It would be more accurate to say "In my bedroom, sex is something I prefer not to be 'planned'." I'm not invalidating your view, but it just doesn't apply to everyone else.

All of that being said...I've had both planned and unplanned sex. I prefer the latter, but I can see how people with tight or complicated schedules (or even kids running around) would benefit greatly from the former. Many people trying to have children also do a LOT of planned sex. I'm not saying that they all enjoy this process, but I'm sure that many do.


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06 Oct 2021, 8:07 am

ironpony wrote:
Well it seems that I have to save up for a few days so I can't just relieve myself of being horny on my days off without worrying about not having enough energy say the next day...

What if I did the opposite of pushy and just act disinterested in sex, and whenever she spontaneously all of a sudden wants to have it, I just tell her that I already masturbated and I didn't know she wanted it as she didn't tell me in advance, and I just keep doing that for a while. It sounds kind of bad, but will this sexually drive her a little nuts to the point where she is willing to plan it with me a little better maybe?


Sorry to be blunt, but your intentions seem really selfish from what I can see in this post. You seem to be prioritizing your pleasure and masturbation time over her needs. Maybe I just don't have a full view of the situation. Have you thought of any ways to compromise in this situation? Have you both sat down and discussed exactly what is troubling you both in the bedroom? If it is hard to bring up or communicate, maybe writing out a list on paper (of things you would like, of things you dislike) would help?


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kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 8:33 am

When I say something is from my "experience," it means it's "anecdotal."

It's my subjective experience.

I never claimed to be an expert on this.

I do get what you say about kids running around, schedules, etc.


There are times when anecdotal accounts get more into the "heart" of a situation than the results of research studies.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 06 Oct 2021, 8:52 am, edited 2 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 8:41 am

BadRobot. I'm not trying to do anything.

I have my view on this---and you have your view.

C'est la vie!

If there's one thing I can't stand: It's an argument just for the sake of an argument.



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06 Oct 2021, 8:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
When I say something is from my "experience," it means it's "anecdotal."

It's my subjective experience.

I never claimed to be an expert on this.

I do get what you say about kids running around, schedules, etc.


Gotcha. There seemed to be some finality in some of your statements, so I misunderstood your intent.


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babybird
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06 Oct 2021, 9:05 am

I've heard of postmodern couples having date nights because of their busy schedules. Like a couple of nights a week for instance that they set aside just for them to be intimate or do nice things together.

My relationship is a long distance one so we seem to talk about nothing else but sex when we are apart and do sex quite a lot when we're together so it may just seem like we plan for sex a lot.


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badRobot
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06 Oct 2021, 9:46 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
BadRobot. I'm not trying to do anything.

I have my view on this---and you have your view.

C'est la vie!

If there's one thing I can't stand: It's an argument just for the sake of an argument.


I'm not arguing. I'm expressing my amazement. "argument just for the sake of an argument" is exactly what I think every time I see your responses to my posts. If it was me who said "sex should never be a “planned” thing", I would bet billion dollars your reply would be something like "what works for one person might not work for another person" or "there can't be one-size-fits-all approach in personal life. maybe planned sex doesn't work for you, but for others is works. C'est la vie!".



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 10:06 am

If you said "sex shouldn't be a planned thing," I would agree with you 100%.

I never write what I don't believe just for the sake of being a "devil's advocate."

My responses are usually not related to your responses, anyway. They are in response to an overriding philosophy.



badRobot
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06 Oct 2021, 10:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I never write what I don't believe just for the sake of being a "devil's advocate."


Many times you replied to me with phrases like "what works for one person might not work for another person", "flexible approach is the best approach", "we should be person-centered", etc. 'Sex should never be a “planned” thing' literally contradicts these beliefs in area of life these beliefs are the most appropriate. This is just so bizarre.



kraftiekortie
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06 Oct 2021, 10:48 am

Bizarre to you---not bizarre to me.

I just don't see the "contradiction."

If you want to believe in "planned" sex, go right ahead. No skin off my back.