My gf only wants to have spontaneous unplanned sex.

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'Everyone is individual, everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, what works one one person, might not work for another', yet 'sex should never be a "planned" thing', BUT 'if you want to believe in "planned" sex, go right ahead'.

So, basically, what you are saying is you have a strong belief that 'sex should never be a "planned" thing'. But "what works one one person, might not work for another" applies to your opinion, not the idea that planned sex might work for some people and not for others.

I'm laughing tears now. Again, I'm not arguing, just impossible to ignore how this reached absurd levels of 'person-centered' or whatever it is.

Yeah...I'm person-centered.....

And it's cool!

Yep I started noticing the tone of ironpony's posts moving in this direction as well. He needs to move back toward mutual understanding and that's why robot's idea about planning sex makes sense for these two.

He seems to have run away. I wish people appreciate (just a little) the effort others go to provide advice.

There are some people who appreciate people giving advice.

Others aren't so appreciative.

But...like many things in life....we must adjust to the actualities.

Hey sorry about this. I got really busy with work the past week or so. I don't mean to make it sound like I am ignoring advice. There is a lot to think about and digest from this thread for sure.

Don't try the peekaboo sex.

Oh what's that?

Glory hole

As I'm still following this thread, I thought I might add a couple comments.

One point that was brought up had to do with giving advice and expecting it to be taken. Fact is, advice is very seldom taken. I think the reason is that it's difficult to translate something that worked for another person in their experience to one's own experience in such a way as to achieve the same result the other person had. More typically, the person asking advice doesn't give enough background for anyone else to give an informed response, although I wouldn't say that was the case here.

When I participate in these discussions it's more about me presenting my personal point of view rather than hoping to help the other person. In matters of the heart, most people will just do what they were going to do anyway. If anybody has seen the latest American Crime Story: Impeachment they'll know what I mean.

As for the original topic, I would have to say though that a person who needs sex to always be spontaneous is basically uncomfortable with their own sexual urges. What I mean is, in order to not feel some sort of shame due to possibly having sex for its own sake, which for a woman might be equivalent to regarding oneself as a slut, it's necessary for the sex to be romantic in the Hollywood sense, in which lately so many of the sex scenes seem to involve people having sex standing up which is the exact opposite of how sex would happen if it's at all planned. Of course this is convenient for Hollywood because it means the female actors won't need to take off any clothes which nowadays few of them will willingly do as opposed to the situation in the 1970s.

As to how to deal with this, I can't really say.

Oh okay that's interesting. But if she wants to have more romantic sex and not 'slu*ty sex' for example, how is it that the sex being planned, makes it less romantic?

Ahhh so you need to change your thread to spontaneous/romantic sex. That's much much harder and takes a lot more effort than surprise sex.

Oh but I thought the problem was that she was into surprise sex, which I was trying to get around. So that was still the issue I thought.

Not many people are into surprise sex, especially the receiving end.

I guess not, but she seems to be into surprising me with sex, which I don't like as much compared to be it being more predictable. So she is into surprising me is what I meant.

That makes sense, especially if you're sorta disrupted by it not being predictable.

Yeah. Is it unfair of me to not want surprise sex from her as much and to make it more predictable or even plan it out?

I think part of the problem is, she does want to have sex, but doesn't want to admit it for some reason, so she feels more comfortable if she is the one initiating it, or doing it on her terms more. But that is just my theory.