How to understand when someone is flirting

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Pepe
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14 Oct 2021, 7:30 am

AprilR wrote:
Pepe wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I have no interest in dating or casual sex, i Just want to make friends regardless of gender but a friend of mine Said that after a certain age you can't be friends with people of the opposite sex since it is clear that they want a girlfriend.

I never had many friends and i would really like to make friends since i am scared of being left alone after my parents die. But i really don't want a relationship and never feel any emotional connection with people. Of course these things are impossible to tell to other people. What can i do or say to people to make them understand that i Just want platonic relationships, and friendships are a lot more meaningful to me since i almost had no friends growing up?

I fear that people don't take me seriously when i mention that i don't want a relationship. They think i am playing hard to get or have commitment issues or whatever. What else can i say to make them understand i REALLY am not interested in dating?

Please help me as i don't want to lise potential friends by acting too cold, but i really don't want anyone to think that i am flirting with them.


Like the real Pepe Le Pew, all my flirting never amounts to romance.
I even had my anal glands removed, but nada. 8O

I have only been in luv twice in my life.
The first time romantically. The second platonically.
I never want to experience that level of pain ever again.

We are in a similar boat.
The difference is, I am twice your age. 8)


I have also been in love once, and i feel like that's enough for a lifetime lol. I am glad i got to experience it but i don't want more. It was more or less like an illusion anyway.


The romantic luv mechanism is simply a ruse to prepare for procreation, using an evolutionary context.
Nature's trickery.
It is very powerful.
Avoid at all costs. 8O

Question: Are you more emotional than rational?
Question: Do you actively search for bliss/happiness?
Question: Do you believe there is an intrinsic point to life?


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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AprilR
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14 Oct 2021, 8:29 am

^ I don't agree with that. At least first love or childhood feelings are not really sexual in nature. But yeah, a lot of people think sexual attraction is the basis of relationships.

1.I think i am 50/50 when it comes to logic/emotion.

2.I actively search for peace i guess, not a grand happiness.

3.ı think there is a point to my life yes, and i create this meaning myself. I think everyone is like that, everyone lives life creating their reality in some way.



Pepe
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14 Oct 2021, 5:14 pm

AprilR wrote:
^ I don't agree with that. At least first love or childhood feelings are not really sexual in nature. But yeah, a lot of people think sexual attraction is the basis of relationships.


"Context", my dear woman.
"Flirting" involves a sexual component, imo.

There are different types of luv, yes.
Quote:
What are the 4 types of love?
The Four Types of Love: Some Are Healthy, Some Are Not

Eros: erotic, passionate love.
Philia: love of friends and equals.
Storge: love of parents for children.
Agape: love of mankind.


AprilR wrote:
1.I think i am 50/50 when it comes to logic/emotion.


Women have a reputation of being more emotional than rational.
Women are from Venus and men are from Mars, sort of thing.

Autistic women have a greater tendency to be more rational than NT women.
Quote:
People With Autism Make More Rational Decisions, Study Shows

Date:
October 15, 2008
Source:
Wellcome Trust
Summary:
People with autism-related disorders are less likely to make irrational decisions, and are less influenced by gut instincts, according to new research. The study adds to the growing body of research implicating altered emotional processing in autism.

This explains why some autistic women seem "cold" compared to NT women.
Many people's expectations pervert the appreciation of more rational women.

AprilR wrote:
2.I actively search for peace i guess, not a grand happiness.


My entire focus is on emotional stability.
This is the main reason why I avoid stimulants such as caffeine.

AprilR wrote:
3.ı think there is a point to my life yes, and i create this meaning myself. I think everyone is like that, everyone lives life creating their reality in some way.


What you are engaging in is existentialism which happens in lieu of an actual meaning in life.
I embrace it also, yes.

Quote:
Existential nihilism is the philosophical theory that life has no intrinsic meaning or value. ... The inherent meaninglessness of life is largely explored in the philosophical school of existentialism, where one can potentially create their own subjective 'meaning' or 'purpose'.

Existential nihilism - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki ›


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


cyberdad
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14 Oct 2021, 5:42 pm

AprilR wrote:
I have no interest in dating or casual sex, i Just want to make friends regardless of gender but a friend of mine Said that after a certain age you can't be friends with people of the opposite sex since it is clear that they want a girlfriend.

What can i do or say to people to make them understand that i Just want platonic relationships, and friendships are a lot more meaningful to me since i almost had no friends growing up?


Sorry? I'm not clear, do you identify as non-binary? I'll assume you are talking about male friends as you mentioned girlfriends here so in that case you have a specific concern with males misinterpreting intentions so I can throw in some advice.

There is a basic algorithm in relation to biological attraction. The more physically attractive you are to men the harder it will be to maintain a platonic relationship as eventually they will not appreciate being friendzoned and move on. No amount of strategy or boundary setting is going to change that for any male friends you make. The reality is that men who are in relationships can't be your "friend". Single/unattached men will move on. Those who keep your friendship will at the back of their minds hope that you will one day provide them with sex.

Female friends on the otherhand are a different kettle of fish. In theory they should be easier to make friends with. But judging from my daughter's experience in highschool, they are quite bitchy to her. She tends to hang out with males in the school yard.



Pepe
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14 Oct 2021, 7:20 pm

cyberdad wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I have no interest in dating or casual sex, i Just want to make friends regardless of gender but a friend of mine Said that after a certain age you can't be friends with people of the opposite sex since it is clear that they want a girlfriend.

What can i do or say to people to make them understand that i Just want platonic relationships, and friendships are a lot more meaningful to me since i almost had no friends growing up?


Sorry? I'm not clear, do you identify as non-binary? I'll assume you are talking about male friends as you mentioned girlfriends here so in that case you have a specific concern with males misinterpreting intentions so I can throw in some advice.

There is a basic algorithm in relation to biological attraction. The more physically attractive you are to men the harder it will be to maintain a platonic relationship as eventually they will not appreciate being friendzoned and move on. No amount of strategy or boundary setting is going to change that for any male friends you make. The reality is that men who are in relationships can't be your "friend". Single/unattached men will move on.


Not all men.
Also, you can be a single guy on the hunt and still have a female friend who might be able to provide a "lead".
And further, having a gorgeous friend next to you increases a male's attractiveness coinage.
"He must have something going for him", sort of thing. :mrgreen:

You have related your unfortunate experience years ago, but you could have still maintained a friendship while realising nothing was going to develop.
I suspect you felt resentment that she didn't view you as a potential partner after spending so much energy in trying to bed her engage her.
By the sounds of it, your "Princess" was out of your league physically.
Life's a biatch. 8)

cyberdad wrote:
Those who keep your friendship will at the back of their minds hope that you will one day provide them with sex.


Boyz will be boyz. But being in touch with reality will mitigate the genetically coded stupidity.


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


AprilR
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15 Oct 2021, 7:12 am

@Pepe: I know about the Greeks' four types of love. You are right in this context, flirting mostly includes sexual interest.

I also know about the Baron cohen theory and the men-Women gender difference theories but i don't believe in them. My aspie father is in some aspects a lot more emotional and irrational than my perfectly nt Mother. My Mother despite being perfectly functioning socially is.. Def. Not a illogical person. If anything she is too logical for her own good and even for my dad and me! (pretty sure my dad and i are both aspies)

Although i guess processing and being able to regulate emotions are harder in autistic people, but this is true for a lot of emotion- driven people too. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you can express or regulate your emotions well. I know i def. Can't.

About the caffeine thing, you might be right but it is impossible for me to get off it. I drink min 3 cups everyday, i get addicted to certain foods easily too.

@cyberdad: what you said is a bit depressing but many people i know share the same thoughts. It seems after a certain age no one has the priority of making friends, they would rather have a relationship and get married/have children.

I guess i will have to try being more distant and cold with men from now on. Or lie about having a boy friend, since that seems to work better.



kraftiekortie
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15 Oct 2021, 7:40 am

I have been "just friends" with many women.

It can be a bit frustrating----but I'm a civilized man, and I can restrain my "base" desires.

If I wasn't able to practice restraint, I wouldn't be able to run the Brooklyn Bridge every day. There are some very beautiful women running there---and some of them reveal A LOT.

I don't believe "algorithms" apply to all people; I believe they only apply to those who believe in "algorithms"----almost like "faith."



Pepe
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15 Oct 2021, 3:44 pm

AprilR wrote:
@Pepe: I know about the Greeks' four types of love. You are right in this context, flirting mostly includes sexual interest.


I suspected you did.
I just wanted you to know I was enlightened about this also. ;)

AprilR wrote:
I also know about the Baron cohen theory and the men-Women gender difference theories but i don't believe in them. My aspie father is in some aspects a lot more emotional and irrational than my perfectly nt Mother.



Those on the spectrum are known to have poor emotion regulation. I.E. Low E.Q.
Could that explain your father's emotional "wattage"?
Is he rational in other ways?
Having a family can be very stressful, especially for those on the spectrum.

AprilR wrote:
My Mother despite being perfectly functioning socially is.. Def. Not a illogical person. If anything she is too logical for her own good and even for my dad and me! (pretty sure my dad and i are both aspies)


Could your mother be an undiagnosed Aspie?

AprilR wrote:
Although i guess processing and being able to regulate emotions are harder in autistic people, but this is true for a lot of emotion- driven people too. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you can express or regulate your emotions well. I know i def. Can't.


Agreed, as stated above.

AprilR wrote:
About the caffeine thing, you might be right but it is impossible for me to get off it. I drink min 3 cups everyday, i get addicted to certain foods easily too.


I ordered a large coffee at Maccers, this morning.
I am full as a boot with caffeine now, as a result.
I get extremely creative when exposed to this stimulant.
You have been warned. :mrgreen:

AprilR wrote:
@cyberdad: what you said is a bit depressing but many people i know share the same thoughts. It seems after a certain age no one has the priority of making friends, they would rather have a relationship and get married/have children.


I vigorously disagree.
Some find having children an anathema, including myself.
Also, there are people who have been bitten by the luv bug and never want to be afflicted by "the madness" again.
You need to add the qualifier "Many/Most people", imo. 8)


AprilR wrote:
I guess i will have to try being more distant and cold with men from now on. Or lie about having a boy friend, since that seems to work better.


What about online friendships?
Too limited?
It is a much safer approach, though.

Question: What do you want out of a friendship?
Question: What type of people do you want to be friends with?
Question: What are the deal breakers?


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


Pepe
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15 Oct 2021, 3:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I have been "just friends" with many women.


Same here, though most friendships don't last, unfortunately.

kraftiekortie wrote:
It can be a bit frustrating----but I'm a civilized man, and I can restrain my "base" desires.

More so in real life. Much easier online.

kraftiekortie wrote:
If I wasn't able to practice restraint, I wouldn't be able to run the Brooklyn Bridge every day. There are some very beautiful women running there---and some of them reveal A LOT.

Your marathon running is very impressive. I'm sure it helped you greatly in overcoming your covid experience.

BTW, having a sexy woman in front of you would be very motivating.
Being chased by a 60 year old man would make her more motivated to run faster, too. 8O

You seem to have a nice symbiotic relationship going there.
Unfortunately, for you, you will probably always be relegated to second place, at best. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


AprilR
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16 Oct 2021, 7:33 am

Pepe wrote:

Those on the spectrum are known to have poor emotion regulation. I.E. Low E.Q.
Could that explain your father's emotional "wattage"?
Is he rational in other ways?
Having a family can be very stressful, especially for those on the spectrum.


Yeah, he doesn't always understand or control his feelings well. He is like a stereotypical aspie obsessed with science and space etc. and sees himself as a very rational and logical person but he def. Has a sensitive and emotional side my mother doesn't have.

Pepe wrote:

Could your mother be an undiagnosed Aspie?


I also though about this but she definitely isn't.
She has the social instinct and too much nt traits. She is def. a nt person that is not very emotional and sensitive or traditionally feminine.

I also met lots of feminine men and masculine women despite living in a society where gender roles are very strict. I notice that most people try hard to fit themselves into these roles despite not having the traits inherently and it depresses me.


Pepe wrote:

I ordered a large coffee at Maccers, this morning.
I am full as a boot with caffeine now, as a result.
I get extremely creative when exposed to this stimulant.
You have been warned. :mrgreen:


I already had my first cup of Coffee too, No problem :lol:

Pepe wrote:


I vigorously disagree.
Some find having children an anathema, including myself.
Also, there are people who have been bitten by the luv bug and never want to be afflicted by "the madness" again.
You need to add the qualifier "Many/Most people", imo. 8)


Yes, i know there is a minority that is not interested in these things but it is not easy to find them.


Pepe wrote:

What about online friendships?
Too limited?
It is a much safer approach, though.

Question: What do you want out of a friendship?
Question: What type of people do you want to be friends with?
Question: What are the deal breakers?


I do have online friends and i appreciate them a lot but none of them live close and there are certain things i cannot share with them because we live in very different societies.

I guess i Just want to have a supportive person more of like a caretaker than a friend.
I feel like i am not really an adult, i am too immature and don't know what to do in certain situations. My few irl friends are the supportive and reliable type but i don't want to be a burden on them too much.



Pepe
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16 Oct 2021, 3:43 pm

AprilR wrote:
Pepe wrote:

Those on the spectrum are known to have poor emotion regulation. I.E. Low E.Q.
Could that explain your father's emotional "wattage"?
Is he rational in other ways?
Having a family can be very stressful, especially for those on the spectrum.


Yeah, he doesn't always understand or control his feelings well. He is like a stereotypical aspie obsessed with science and space etc. and sees himself as a very rational and logical person but he def. Has a sensitive and emotional side my mother doesn't have.

Pepe wrote:

Could your mother be an undiagnosed Aspie?


I also though about this but she definitely isn't.
She has the social instinct and too much nt traits. She is def. a nt person that is not very emotional and sensitive or traditionally feminine.

I also met lots of feminine men and masculine women despite living in a society where gender roles are very strict. I notice that most people try hard to fit themselves into these roles despite not having the traits inherently and it depresses me.


Pepe wrote:

I ordered a large coffee at Maccers, this morning.
I am full as a boot with caffeine now, as a result.
I get extremely creative when exposed to this stimulant.
You have been warned. :mrgreen:


I already had my first cup of Coffee too, No problem :lol:

Pepe wrote:


I vigorously disagree.
Some find having children an anathema, including myself.
Also, there are people who have been bitten by the luv bug and never want to be afflicted by "the madness" again.
You need to add the qualifier "Many/Most people", imo. 8)


Yes, i know there is a minority that is not interested in these things but it is not easy to find them.


Pepe wrote:

What about online friendships?
Too limited?
It is a much safer approach, though.

Question: What do you want out of a friendship?
Question: What type of people do you want to be friends with?
Question: What are the deal breakers?


I do have online friends and i appreciate them a lot but none of them live close and there are certain things i cannot share with them because we live in very different societies.

I guess i Just want to have a supportive person more of like a caretaker than a friend.
I feel like i am not really an adult, i am too immature and don't know what to do in certain situations. My few irl friends are the supportive and reliable type but i don't want to be a burden on them too much.


It is good to know you have online and offline friendships, even if they aren't close.

I find the concept of a "caretaker" interesting.
Personally, I'd prefer friendships. :wink:

Most people can cope well with a moderate amount of caffeine.
However, I am hypersensitive and it has caused a lot of problems in my life.
I enjoy my emotional stability enormously, now, through abstinence.

So, have you determined how you are going to overcome the problem of people misinterpreting your behaviour as "flirting"?
BTW, do you prefer male or female company?
What about skunks? :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


AprilR
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20 Oct 2021, 4:24 am

^ Sorry for the late reply i got hit by a depressive episode and can't express myself well when that happens.

I think i will Just have to settle with being seem as a cold person because i get too stressed otherwise suspecting i am leading people on.

I really don't care about anyone's gender as long as they want to be my friend. Skunks are no exception either lol.



Pepe
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20 Oct 2021, 5:28 pm

AprilR wrote:
^ Sorry for the late reply i got hit by a depressive episode and can't express myself well when that happens.

I think i will Just have to settle with being seem as a cold person because i get too stressed otherwise suspecting i am leading people on.

I really don't care about anyone's gender as long as they want to be my friend. Skunks are no exception either lol.


I always have room for another platonic friend.
I have to replenish the ones that go missing. 8O

So, how about a coffee and cake to celebrate our new friendship?
My treat. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


AprilR
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21 Oct 2021, 2:54 am

Pepe wrote:

I always have room for another platonic friend.
I have to replenish the ones that go missing. 8O

So, how about a coffee and cake to celebrate our new friendship?
My treat. :mrgreen:


I also love making new friends! Also coffee AND cake? I am already sold :D



Pepe
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21 Oct 2021, 4:53 am

AprilR wrote:
Pepe wrote:

I always have room for another platonic friend.
I have to replenish the ones that go missing. 8O

So, how about a coffee and cake to celebrate our new friendship?
My treat. :mrgreen:


I also love making new friends! Also coffee AND cake? I am already sold :D


Done!
<Pepe starts to plan the wedding reception>
Erm, I hope I didn't think that aloud. 8O


It is at this stage that women start to run away from me. 8O

Image


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


AprilR
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21 Oct 2021, 5:18 am

Pepe wrote:

Done!
<Pepe starts to plan the wedding reception>
Erm, I hope I didn't think that aloud. 8O


It is at this stage that women start to run away from me. 8O

Image


Hahaha i can guess why :lol: