Perceived sexual threat Unfair or not?

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Would you say it's unfair?
No women should always be on the lookout for guys who behave strangely 89%  89%  [ 16 ]
Women should be more open minded and tolerant towards creepy men 11%  11%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 18

Fnord
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25 Oct 2021, 10:50 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Others on this website have gone years denying that their social problems originated with themselves, and claiming that their social problems were everybody else's fault.
When you say that their social problems originate with themselves, are you implying that their social problems are their own fault?
No, because the word "fault" implies intent, and it seems that most people who have social problems unintentionally exhibit behavior that others may perceive as creepy -- some people are labelled as creeps through no fault of their own.  So when I said, "claiming that their social problems were everybody else's fault", I meant that the person with the social problems blames others for intentionally causing those same social problems.
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
If so, would you also say that a dyslexic person's extra difficulty with reading is their own fault?
If a dyslexic person does not know that he or she even has dyslexia, then the "fault" is not theirs, even though the problem originates with them.  It is knowing that one has dyslexia, refusing to do anything about it (i.e., therapy, developing coping mechanisms, et cetera), and blaming the world for their own social problems is where the "fault" may come in.



funeralxempire
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25 Oct 2021, 10:59 am

Jamesy wrote:
Having a weird attitude towards women probably doesn't help me escape the creep zone either.


I can't imagine that helping since that's almost always part of how creeps are defined.


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DuckHairback
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25 Oct 2021, 11:23 am

Jamesy wrote:
Having a weird attitude towards women probably doesn't help me escape the creep zone either.


If you know that about yourself, why wouldn't that be your starting point?



Jamesy
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25 Oct 2021, 12:45 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Having a weird attitude towards women probably doesn't help me escape the creep zone either.


If you know that about yourself, why wouldn't that be your starting point?



Yes true

Maybe its just a bad phase in terms of my thinking?


Also it can depend if a woman are nice to me in social setting I am usually nice and charming towards them. If they treat me with contempt then yeah I will admit I get difficult.



babybird
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25 Oct 2021, 1:18 pm

What do you mean by weird attitude towards women?



MushroomPrincess
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25 Oct 2021, 4:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
4 years ago there was this incident in the bar I go to where this woman who [b]8 years younger[b] than me was outright hostile towards me. I was just sitting there minding my own business and she raised her voice at me.

(bolded for emphasis)

That's an oddly specific number. Why do I feel like there's more to this story that you're not telling?



Jamesy
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25 Oct 2021, 4:50 pm

MushroomPrincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
4 years ago there was this incident in the bar I go to where this woman who [b]8 years younger[b] than me was outright hostile towards me. I was just sitting there minding my own business and she raised her voice at me.

(bolded for emphasis)

That's an oddly specific number. Why do I feel like there's more to this story that you're not telling?




There isn’t more to this story. I was literally sitting there and she got rowdy accusing me of spiking drinks etc



badRobot
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25 Oct 2021, 5:39 pm

I can imagine this is similar to how awkward and self-aware I feel when I run into a store in a hurry to buy one specific item, but immediately see it is not there.

Every time in this situation I feel like I must pretend to be looking for something for everyone to see I didn't find it or to buy something just to avoid suspicion. Then often I immediately feel really anxious and self-aware about how some of my ASD manners could be easily misinterpreted and probably act even more suspiciously.



MushroomPrincess
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25 Oct 2021, 6:27 pm

Jamesy wrote:
There isn’t more to this story. I was literally sitting there and she got rowdy accusing me of spiking drinks etc

How do you know how old she was? Details like that that make me think we're missing some context, that there's more to the story that you're not telling.



Mona Pereth
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26 Oct 2021, 2:18 am

Jamesy, I think the question for you is how to get out of the vicious cycle of:

- being perceived as "creepy"
- feeling resentful over being perceived as "creepy"
- being perceived as even "creepier" due to said resentment
- feeling even more resentful over being perceived as "creepy"
- being perceived as even "creepier" due to feeling even more resentful ....

and so on.

I would hazard a guess that there are two things you need to do to break the cycle:

1) As others have noted, don't blame the women. People have the right to associate only with people they feel safe with.
2) Stop trying to meet women in bars. Instead, find ways to get to know people via participation in enjoyable group activities.


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Ettina
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27 Oct 2021, 11:01 am

When making decisions based on uncertain information, it's often a good idea to compare the consequences of being wrong with each option.

So, for the decision: "Should I give this creepy guy a chance?" What are the consequences of a woman making the wrong choice?

If he's harmless and actually really nice, but she avoids him, she misses out on a potential friend or love interest. Unfortunate, but not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

If he's dangerous, but she decides to trust him, she could be raped, abused, or even murdered. Pretty dire consequences.

It's estimated that 1 out of 4 women has experienced sexual violence. Those that have, tend to be wary about it happening again. Those that haven't, know women it has happened to, and don't want to end up in their position.



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Oct 2021, 5:21 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Jamesy, I think the question for you is how to get out of the vicious cycle of:

- being perceived as "creepy"
- feeling resentful over being perceived as "creepy"
- being perceived as even "creepier" due to said resentment
- feeling even more resentful over being perceived as "creepy"
- being perceived as even "creepier" due to feeling even more resentful ....

and so on.



Legends say that he metamorphosed into a Creeper.

Image

Behold the blast!


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01 Nov 2021, 8:12 am

people are aloud to feel threatened . they might watch too much tv or naturally be on high alert .

i'm super vigilant and it probably makes people avoid me in particular circumstances . f**k it . only worry about the close people to you .

chances are OP that there is something people are perceiving .

if needs pay for a hooker , and learn how to make people not feel uncomfortable . btw im not suggesting you are creepy . sometimes something as simple as standing face on to people can make them feel threatened .. strange i know .. but true .



nick007
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01 Nov 2021, 2:34 pm

I totally get why women feel the need to protect themselves & I would encourage them & anyone really to take proactive steps for protecting themselves when dating or meeting up with somebody new. I would also like to point out that it is quite possible for a guy who's perceived as nonthreatening & makes great 1st impressions to actually be quite dangerous. I've watched a bit of those real life crime shows & it's not uncommon for the perps to be perceived in a positive way for a bit & then things suddenly turn very bad. I guess I get why women tend to see awkward & creepy guys as threats but it is NOT that black & white. There are plenty of awkward seemingly creepy guys who are real sweethearts & misunderstood & there are also plenty of charming charismatic guys who are horrible people. I'm not saying that judging the awkward creepy guys as dangerous is unfair or not. We have the right to judge people for anything & be judged for anything. That's the way the world works & it is not about being fair or unfair. It's ashame there is not a surefire system to determine who is really dangerous & who is not but we cant literally read minds or sense emotions like Deanna Troi in Star Trek TNG. That could be a much needed improvement for the criminal justice system if people could.



I have a question for you Fnord. If somebody is often thought to be a creep or a threat because of they are a minority race & were born in an extremely racist area, Is it that person's fault because they can not change their skin color? I'm NOT trying to start a giant debate that belongs in PPR but in that analogy the person would be the common denominator but it would be because of something they literally have no control over. What if that person was a teenager who was posting on this forum about getting beat up at school regularly because of his race, Would you actually tell him that he's the common denominator & needs to change himself somehow? I know your not like that Fnord, I'm trying to make a point.


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