Should I announce my relationship with a co-worker?

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kokopelli
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06 Nov 2021, 9:12 pm

For many of us, office romances are strictly forbidden. It introduces too many strange dynamics. And it gets much worse when they split up.

If I had two employees who were romantically involved, one or both would quickly be gone.

One grad student I knew in the 1970s was really hot for his office mate who was absolutely gorgeous -- I didn't know physicists could even look that good. Her reputation was that she was pretty wild, but she would not date him. As she put it, "I don't sh*t in my own front yard."



dtcyankee
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06 Nov 2021, 9:21 pm

I don’t think it matters. Do whatever you guys want. I dated a coworker for a year and it was fine.



ironpony
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06 Nov 2021, 9:24 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh yes but I wouldn't announce it randomly. It's just that if she holds my hands, others will likely ask us, so do we say it then I mean?

Oh, if someone brought it up to you I think it's fine to admit to it. I thought you meant randomly telling people, sorry about that. lol


Oh no, sorry, I meant if people asked lol.



cyberdad
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06 Nov 2021, 9:27 pm

kokopelli wrote:
For many of us, office romances are strictly forbidden. It introduces too many strange dynamics. And it gets much worse when they split up.

If I had two employees who were romantically involved, one or both would quickly be gone.
I didn't know physicists could even look that good. Her reputation was that she was pretty wild, but she would not date him. As she put it, "I don't sh*t in my own front yard."


:lol:



cyberdad
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06 Nov 2021, 9:28 pm

ironpony wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
ironpony wrote:
You mean look like a show off, by prick?


Not so much showing-off, just by "announcing it",

Just don't make a big deal about it. People at work will respect you more.


Oh it's just that she decides to take my hand and hold it for example, wouldn't that be announcing it pretty much?


Yeah that would be weird, especially if you all have to work together. Maybe be professional and keep the hanky panky to outside of work.



ironpony
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06 Nov 2021, 9:30 pm

Okay thanks. It's just she has made some remarks at work to suggest that we are together before and she is not as subtle. So I guess I am afraid if we go together she may try to go for something like that, compared to me.



cyberdad
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06 Nov 2021, 9:31 pm

ironpony wrote:
Okay thanks. It's just she has made some remarks at work to suggest that we are together before and she is not as subtle. So I guess I am afraid if we go together she may try to go for something like that, compared to me.


Explain the whole workplace etiquette thing to her. She'll understand.



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07 Nov 2021, 5:29 am

The problem with office romances…..is that the breakups are terrible.

She has some leverage when it comes to reporting you to HR (I doubt very much it would go that far, should you break up—but you never know). The fact that she “outranks” you puts her at more risk, though.

I feel obliged to present the cynical side, as well as the romantic side.

I hope you don’t break up, and have a nice romance.



MaxE
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07 Nov 2021, 11:17 am

At the beginning of the 80s, I worked for a while in the Engineering Dept. of a large defense plant, owned by an even larger corporation that was a household name back then. They had a practice of regularly recruiting new and recent graduates and every summer there'd be "new blood". It was generally understood that the newer employees would fraternize. It was their first experience not only living on their own but having a real income. Even back then I had heard it said you shouldn't date co-workers, but at that place nobody seemed to object. I know of one young woman who married her boss who was substantially older (at least 15 years I'd say) and to my knowledge the marriage lasted although I wouldn't know if it lasted forever. Another thing to consider is that back then the security requirements to work there were much less stringent than nowadays. Very few positions required a Top Secret clearance, and typically you began the background investigation process (usually for a Secret clearance) after you started work. That is not the usual situation at such places nowadays.

When I started I had prior experience and was hired directly as opposed to being brought in via the "new grad" program but was told later I might have still technically qualified for that.

Anyway, like I said it wasn't frowned upon to hit on co-workers. I suppose an exception would be made if you continued to make unwanted advances but office romances were common. I once asked out a co-worker I found attractive, who was actually a couple years older than me, out. It turns out she wasn't interested but a "new grad" who was temporarily living in her basement wanted a date with me and wasn't the least bit shy about it. I went out with her off and on although things didn't get really serious with her until after I was no longer employed there. Before that happened, she was in a relationship with another co-worker but unexpectedly called me after they broke up. She was more than 6 years younger than I and eventually admitted her interest in me was primarily physical. I hadn't been much attracted to her at first, but her unselfconscious displays of physical affection led me to develop the "hots" for her very quickly. This is why I've tried to tell other young women that straightforward expression of physical desire for a guy who seems hesitant will probably bring him around, despite concerns that it will scare him away.

There was another young woman there in whom I was interested, but never developed more than a platonic relationship. It turns out she was romantically interested in me but never gave me any recognizable sign. I found out because after my engagement had been announced in the local Jewish newspaper, I happened to run into her in a store and she told me at that time she had always hoped we'd become a couple. I still don't know what to think about that. I don't think she'd have been the right person for me to marry but I'll never know. BTW even telling me that, she wasn't at all emotional about it. I also happen to think she was likely on the spectrum.

Much of what I've said is directly relevant to this thread but it's what comes to my mind whenever the topic of workplace romance arises. I will say though, that this is an area in which today's morality seems to have become much less permissive than when I was dating age. The number of sorts of situations in which it is deemed improper for two people to become romantically involved seems to have grown, at least for heterosexuals, reducing opportunities for everyone.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Nov 2021, 2:46 pm

Is this the same supermodel lookalike lady you shoved down our throats before?


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babybird
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07 Nov 2021, 2:51 pm

That's what I was just thinking.



hurtloam
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07 Nov 2021, 3:42 pm

kokopelli wrote:
For many of us, office romances are strictly forbidden. It introduces too many strange dynamics. And it gets much worse when they split up.

If I had two employees who were romantically involved, one or both would quickly be gone."


Well you suck. How can that even be legal? People aren't robots.

Personally I wouldn't date a coworker, but people are people. It's not illegal.



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07 Nov 2021, 3:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this the same supermodel lookalike lady you shoved down our throats before?


Maybe he's scared someone will tell her she can do better. At least they don't know about the perverted things he coerced this poor girl into.



funeralxempire
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07 Nov 2021, 3:46 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this the same supermodel lookalike lady you shoved down our throats before?


Maybe he's scared someone will tell her she can do better. At least they don't know about the perverted things he coerced this poor girl into.


Why assume she was coerced?


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hurtloam
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07 Nov 2021, 3:51 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is this the same supermodel lookalike lady you shoved down our throats before?


Maybe he's scared someone will tell her she can do better. At least they don't know about the perverted things he coerced this poor girl into.


Why assume she was coerced?


He said she wasn't really into it and he complained profusely about it on this forum.

Edit. I've just been reading the definition of coerced. I thought it meant persuaded strongly, but it's a more sinister word. I meant persuaded.



Last edited by hurtloam on 07 Nov 2021, 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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07 Nov 2021, 4:01 pm

kokopelli wrote:
For many of us, office romances are strictly forbidden. It introduces too many strange dynamics. And it gets much worse when they split up.

If I had two employees who were romantically involved, one or both would quickly be gone.

One grad student I knew in the 1970s was really hot for his office mate who was absolutely gorgeous -- I didn't know physicists could even look that good. Her reputation was that she was pretty wild, but she would not date him. As she put it, "I don't sh*t in my own front yard."


He did say they work in different departments, so chances are they don't really interact much while working.


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