Should I introduce my gf to my parents in this case?

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ironpony
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21 Aug 2021, 2:50 am

My birthday is coming up and my family likes to do a gathering for it every year. However, me and my gf have been dating for almost three months now, so I wonder if she expects to be introduced and be brought to such a gathering? What do you think?

It's just that my parents were really judgmental about your age difference once they asked me my gfs age and I told them she was 21 which is 16 years younger than me. The disagreement got kind of heated, so I wonder if I should invite her to come along at this point?

Or would that be a good idea still, relationship points wise, and will make me look secure about it more? What do you think?



Violet_Stardust
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22 Aug 2021, 4:12 pm

First of all, please don’t take my opinion to the bank. It might be terrible advice.

I will say, if I was the girlfriend in this scenario, I would be anxious about potential future in-laws who have cast judgment without even meeting me.

I’m not saying, “don’t invite your girlfriend.” But I think it might be a good idea to maybe celebrate your birthday separately with her this year.

By this time next year, your parents may warm up to your relationship, having had time to see evidence of stability. Or you might pick a quieter time for the introduction. It could be overwhelming to include a daunting introduction during a gathering with several people she hasn’t met. If I was the girlfriend.

However, it’s my understanding that I’m not like other girls.

In general, I think clear communication is best. Perhaps consider discussing your concern with your girlfriend and see if she has any insight for you regarding her expectations and/or comfort zone.

Best of luck!



KimD
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22 Aug 2021, 4:22 pm

Do not rush it. Three months is still early in a relationship, and considering their attitude toward her and your relationship with her, it would be better to wait until you have a longer and presumably stronger history. They may either calm down about the age difference or not, but you know [i][/i] right now they're upset.

There's no way, IMO, that you should be dragging her into the minefield they've created.



sixthes
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16 Nov 2021, 5:42 am

Yes,you can,be brave.



AnonymousAnonymous
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16 Nov 2021, 8:02 pm

Consider all options if such situations ever happen.


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Pepe
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17 Nov 2021, 1:06 am

ironpony wrote:
My birthday is coming up and my family likes to do a gathering for it every year. However, me and my gf have been dating for almost three months now, so I wonder if she expects to be introduced and be brought to such a gathering? What do you think?

It's just that my parents were really judgmental about your age difference once they asked me my gfs age and I told them she was 21 which is 16 years younger than me. The disagreement got kind of heated, so I wonder if I should invite her to come along at this point?

Or would that be a good idea still, relationship points wise, and will make me look secure about it more? What do you think?


If your parents aren't happy with the age difference, ignore your parents.
Simples. 8)


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
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ironpony
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17 Nov 2021, 1:12 am

Well my Mom seems to have more of a problem with than my dad, but is she being perhaps a bit hypocritical in the sense, that she was born from parents who were 18 years apart in their relationship? Why is she thinking is questionable of me, when her parents, did the same thing?



hurtloam
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17 Nov 2021, 3:40 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well my Mom seems to have more of a problem with than my dad, but is she being perhaps a bit hypocritical in the sense, that she was born from parents who were 18 years apart in their relationship? Why is she thinking is questionable of me, when her parents, did the same thing?


Were her parents happily married? Bear in mind she lived with them. You only visited them. There may be things that happened that you don't know about.



Ettina
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17 Nov 2021, 5:07 pm

Violet_Stardust wrote:
In general, I think clear communication is best. Perhaps consider discussing your concern with your girlfriend and see if she has any insight for you regarding her expectations and/or comfort zone.


This.



ironpony
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18 Nov 2021, 12:22 am

hurtloam wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well my Mom seems to have more of a problem with than my dad, but is she being perhaps a bit hypocritical in the sense, that she was born from parents who were 18 years apart in their relationship? Why is she thinking is questionable of me, when her parents, did the same thing?


Were her parents happily married? Bear in mind she lived with them. You only visited them. There may be things that happened that you don't know about.


Oh but what do her parents have to do with this though, since we were talking about mine? Her parents were actually not happily married and she ended up being abused by them growing up and left home at a younger age as a result.



Pepe
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18 Nov 2021, 4:04 am

ironpony wrote:
Well my Mom seems to have more of a problem with than my dad, but is she being perhaps a bit hypocritical in the sense, that she was born from parents who were 18 years apart in their relationship? Why is she thinking is questionable of me, when her parents, did the same thing?


Why do you take your parents seriously?
Live your own life, Nancy boy. <joke> :mrgreen:


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


hurtloam
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18 Nov 2021, 11:03 am

ironpony wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well my Mom seems to have more of a problem with than my dad, but is she being perhaps a bit hypocritical in the sense, that she was born from parents who were 18 years apart in their relationship? Why is she thinking is questionable of me, when her parents, did the same thing?


Were her parents happily married? Bear in mind she lived with them. You only visited them. There may be things that happened that you don't know about.


Oh but what do her parents have to do with this though, since we were talking about mine? Her parents were actually not happily married and she ended up being abused by them growing up and left home at a younger age as a result.


Sorry, I meant your Mum's parents. She was the her I was referring to. That may be why she doesn't think the age gap is a good idea.