break up text

Post Reply New Topic

Also though after a couple months or more, even if it is not a relationship the person may have decided to move somewhere further away,

or they are at a different point in their life

or maybe they are feeling bad you took so long answering back and don't want to gamble with getting with someone who might not be reliable and might refuse to communicate for months on end.

Seriously though if you do get some good contact with someone you have to stay active...hell if you need to get a white board and erasable markers and put a note saying 'talk to (insert whoever you are talking to) today!. I sometimes forget things I should remember to, so I have a white-board to write notes to myself to remember things.

It wasn't about not remembering. It was about the fact that I wanted to respond to every point they made and it took too long time. Maybe I should have forced myself to send partial response and made an agreement that I can come back to the things I ddn't respond to later. But I didn't do this, as I kept hoping I would just respond to the whole thing if I pull myself together and it just never happened.

I think we are talking about two different kinds of ghosting. You are talking about the ghosting where the person comes back while I am talking about the ghosting where the person sticks by their guns. Now, as far as ghosting somone and coming back, thats what I done to others but nobody ever did that to me. On the other hand, as far as ghosting and sticking by the guns, thats what others did to me.

Regardless of who ghosts (or even if ghosting is present at all) the way I feel is that whoever "changes their mind" is a victim, while whoever "sticks to their guns" is the perpetrator. Because sticking to the guns is a sign of being in control of situation. While changing the mind is a sign of being socially awkward. So the person who changes their mind ends up with good intentions, they just had lapse of judgement. But the person who sticks to their guns is the one who does what they do with full force and full intention (whether it be ghosting or refusal to forgive the ghosting).

1) Here are examples where I ghosted and changed my mind:

a) There were two different women who were writing me very long messages. Now, you know that I am long winded myself, so I was actually thinking they were the best matches in the world for me. But then it became one up game: I would respond a paragraph to every sentence they wrote. So emails got logner and longer. Eventually I didn't have time and put it off, with full intention to respond. But then as months went by I didn't respond. Then several months later I came back trying to explain what happened but they weren't taking it. I was telling them -- and I meant EXACTLY what I said -- that they were the best possible matches for me because I like to be long winded and they are among the very few people that share this quality, and how ridiculous I feel like the exact thing I LIKE about them is what made things not work. Yet they ignored everything I said.

b) Then there were two other women when it was the same thing except that, instead of few months, it was on a scale of few days. As in, just a week went by without my responding rather than few months. So, unlike the other two women, I DID succeed getting them to talk to me after I came back, although it took a little bit of begging. But now they became picky. So they started calling me out on not answering all their questions (even though I DID answer their emails just not all the details) and then my missing out details became "signs" that they used to ultimately reject me. Again, I been telling then that the fact that we are both detail-oriented is a very rare thing we HAVE IN COMMON since most people say I am too long winded, and its pretty ironic that their complaint is the opposite. So the fact that both me and them are long winded are good reasons why things SHOULD work. Yet they totally ignored what I was saying and insisted that no they don't think I pay attention to details (despite almost everyone else in the planet disagreeing with them in this regard).

c) There was one woman who didn't respond right away but then she later told me that the reason for this is that I didn't express enough sympathy when she talked about her tooth being extracted and instead I asked whether she believes its a sin. I then told her that it was misunderstanding and I did feel sympathy for her. So then she tried to re-initiate conversation with me. But I felt like she only re-initiated conversation with me out of pity because she only did it after I said something. So then in order not to feel this way I decided to ghost her for over a month and come back. That way I would feel more even. Now notice that I did NOT lose interest in her. On the contrary she occupied enough of my mind for me to keep bragging to myself (and people on WrongPlanet -- see here viewtopic.php?t=381471) about my ghosting. However, when I did come back, SHE was the one who sticked to her guns about not liking me. As a matter of fact she even told me that there were other reasons she didn't like me outside my ghosting. So I was in fact right that she lost her interest before I ever ghosted her and only tried to talk to me out of pity.

2) The times when woman ghosted me Those times are too numerous to list. But they have the following things in common:

a) No explanation is ever given (Other than things like "I have to fix my car" or "I have to run to the hospital" -- and then no follow up what so ever)

b) None of those women ever try to come back

c) I am the one begging them to come back but they just wouldn't.

d) In fact they won't ever respond to any of my messages, not with a signle word

Now you see how, whether I ghost or she ghosts, it is always ME who ends up begging and HER who sticks to her guns? Thats why I feel like I am the victim.

In the instances from number 1 it seems to me you're hurting these people and not understanding how to work with earning their trust back. These people become guarded and as either "get even" revenge or a strategy you only make their trust worse, damaging your relationships to no repair and frustrating these women who expect you to read their cues and also angering them by hurting them despite giving you the benefit of doubt still, even though they don't trust you as much and you need to build it up again and put up with the consequences of your behaviour and your losses until you earn their trust again. I have had tons of people in my life who lost interest, but I never treated them that way, I tried to talk to them about it and they would make excuses as though nothing was happening, and then suddenly explode and say all the truth. Very confusing but eventually obvious there was always something more important than me and I was last spot in their priorities besides not caring about my feelings.

"SHE was the one who sticked to her guns about not liking me" - Gee, I can't imagine why someone would ever do this to me had I ever ghosted them for 1 month out of revenge, acting like I love them very much afterwards.

I think you are assume that "a", "b" and "c" are the same people, when they aren't. These are different people that don't even know each other.

The revenge applies only to people in Group "c", while lack of organization skills applies to people in Groups "a" and "b".

As far as "women sticking to their guns" that applies to all three groups. In cases of "a" and "b", they stuck to their guns "without" me doing any revenge. As far as "c" they first gave me a chance and then stuck to their guns after my revenge. But in both cases they were the ones who stuck to their guns, its only the difference of how long it took them to get to that point.

Point C was very honest. What did she say she disliked about you? Might want to look at what you could improve about what she said.

Revenge doesn’t do anybody any good—ever……

Fight against what?

If somebody doesn’t want to date you, you have to move on.

I had to move on, many times, when I wanted to fight.

How about if you don’t want to date them? Would you want them to take revenge on you for that?

The reality is: most women don’t want to “give a guy a chance.” They want the guy to be dateable, right away.