trying to date

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone,

My name is Max, and I am very new to the group. I have never had a long-term relationship, and I am yearning for one. The problem is: I am very bad at dating! I don't know how to date; no one has really taught me how to date. I think because dating is such a private affair, I can't pick up on signs on how to act in a relationship.

I am very fine with body contact (aka having sex and hooking up), but I don't know " how to date."

In the past, when I was looking for a partner, I was very clingy, because I was afraid that I was going to grow up autistic, old and alone, and needed someone to take care of me. My ASD life-coach told me not to do that, and told me I need to have more confidence in myself, along with doing things more by myself, as this will build self-confidence. Once I have more self-confidence, guys (I am gay) will be more attracted to you. He also said to not mask, and pretend to be someone else.

I know that was a lot, but does anyone else have any advice?

Thanks!

Those are good concerns from your psychologist, she/he seemed to address a lot of essentials.

No one wants to be used as a shield from the world, they want to be valued and the purpose of dating they want a relationship, not to take care of or be taken care of. I believe when you will be able to take care of your essentials more accurately and more often, itll give you a confidence boost and not let you rely in those certain ways so much on a partner, or despair while being single or rejected. There's this pyramid of needs, and at the bottom there are very limited necessities,that have to do with physical health, then as you advance you want to be cared, and once you're past those stages you can then achieve bigger things that exceed necessities but are superior goals.

Creating a connection requires a lot of field experience, meaning, you have to go on a lot of dates, with different people before you understand and develop skill. That takes a lot of refusals but you're growing as an individual and getting very important experience, this process is very important. Places and people you are with might help. Meeting aquaintances, attending events more will bring you in the presence of more people, some of which might desire to have a relationship too.

If you're gonna try dating apps you might want to give a chance to people who dont necessarily fit your imagination of how people should be. This sometimes means they actually are honest about themselves. The person I expected the least I connected with the most, in a very wonderful way. She wasnt that pretty or modern, she didnt put her job to show off in her profile, but she was a sea of brilliance inside, we got along and the conversation was so normal and humane. She was serious, she was a different level. These vibes are the ones my fiance gives too, they really build you up. Me and my fiance met on this website though.

If you're happy and confident, people will like you. Value your strengths and avoid lamenting over your negatives while also changing what you think doesnt help you.

_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. x

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.