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blitzkrieg
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16 Dec 2021, 3:33 pm

This is what relationships are about. You can't build a person from scratch, because you then erase their identity and they will be completely invalidated.

Work with what you already have & perhaps encourage (but never try to coerce) them into accentuating what you perceive as their best attributes.

For example, if they are a bit gothic - maybe ask them to wear black lipstick if they want to (but never expect them to) on a special occasion

If they are a red-head, you could ask them to wear some fire-hot red lipstick.

If they like Nintendo, maybe ask them to wear a Nintendo costume for your birthday. The ideas are endless really.

They will then you know you value them for who they are & not who you want them to be. Fundamentally, you should never ask someone to significantly change for you - if you do, you are invalidating them as a human being.


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hurtloam
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16 Dec 2021, 3:37 pm

I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who tells me what to wear, even if it's on a theme I like.

This is curiously specific. What happened?



blitzkrieg
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16 Dec 2021, 3:39 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with someone who tells me what to wear, even if it's on a theme I like.

This is curiously specific. What happened?


Oh, I'm not telling anyone what to wear. I'm just trying to explain how relationships work. I did say you can encourage people but never to expect something from them. I think that is a key point.

Also, this is hypothetical stuff. I can't be specific as I am trying to protect people's identities' here. Anonymity is a key value of mine, if I breach that then I don't have that value anymore.


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Last edited by blitzkrieg on 16 Dec 2021, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blitzkrieg
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16 Dec 2021, 3:42 pm

If you try things out, even if they are out of your comfort zone - you explore a new avenue for yourself and make yourself more flexible in doing so. It's not just for the other person. If you remain a static person forever, you'll just end up bitter that people try to change the slightest thing about you which will have the effect of isolation.


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blitzkrieg
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16 Dec 2021, 3:45 pm

Also, another person will become more willing to fulfill your fantasies and change themselves if you are willing to do so. It's a two-way street. You can't have a real relationship if you are 100% in control.


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