I have a question about being aromantic

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If I'm attracted to men, but I know I don't want to date anyone and I'm not really into romance songs, books TV shows or movies does this count as me being a aromantic or asexual?

It could, but it doesn't inherently mean so.

It sounds like you might be somewhere between straight and ace, and also possibly aro.

Although I'd ask more about why you're not interested in dating; have you ever had interest in having a partner? Are you able to imagine someone being interested in you? Are you able to imagine what a potential or ideal partner might be like?

I've been single since 2006 and I used to be interesting in dating but for me it's too much trouble especially after being single all these years. I don't think anyone would be interested in me a someone to date, and quite frankly I have low self esteem. I would rather have people as friends, it's simpler and less disappointing.

I'm no expert on ace stuff and I can't really say for sure given that I am not you, but my two cents... sounds more aromantic than asexual to me.

Asexual, if I understand correctly is when you don't feel sexual attraction to other people (or rarely do or only under certain circumstances). It seems you do experience attraction though, so that's why I'm leaning more aro than ace. But you could be ace, I really don't know if you are, say demisexual and need that deep emotional bond before attraction occurs, for example.

Aromantics don't feel like they want/need a romantic relationship (attraction being irrelevant) or might consider it under certain circumstances (like for financial ease or platonic companionship, whatever), but are in general kinda meh about the whole lovey dovey relationship thing in general. That's why I was thinking more aro. But I really can't say for sure.

There are plenty of micro labels under the aro/ace umbrella, if you're interested in checking all that stuff out. This breaks it down pretty nicely, methinks. https://aceydesi.wordpress.com/2020/12/12/microlabels-in-the-ace-and-aro-spectrums/

That sounds like deciding that you're not in a good position to date, rather than being aromantic.
Although, someone who's closer to being aromantic might find that realization easier, or easier to stick to.

I think the different factors you mention make it likely that there's a degree of given up, so it's not like the drive wasn't there, just that it's atrophied.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 23 Mar 2023, 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I know I would never like to date anyone. But it's great when other people date each other. It's just not for me.

You are attracted to men. Why don't you just say that, for now, you don't want to date men? That is hardly unusual.
You don't have to date, but there may come a time later in life (or in a week or two) when you do want to date. Why paint yourself into a psychological corner by concluding right now that you must be aromantic or of some other bent where to date, you would be feeling like you were betraying yourself or not being true to yourself?

Never is a long long time.

When you say date, do you mostly mean the dating stage at the beginning of a relationship or do you also mean later stages where the relationship is much more serious I never really done the dating thing & the idea of dating majorly freaks me out & seems like it would be impossible for me. However I majorly HATED being single & had a high desire for a romantic relationship, just not the early dating stage. Luckilly all 3 relationships I had started as long distance online & when we met up the dating stage was kinda skipped into something more serious.

I've been single since 2006 and I want to remind that way for the rest of my days. Is that so bad?

Grey-aro asexual lesbian here.

There are multiple types of attraction. You might be attracted sexually but not romantically or romantically but not sexually. Or you might be attracted platonically but confusing it as romantic or sexual attraction. Or you might be attracted only aesthetically, which means you just really dig the way men or some men look. Sensual (wanting to cuddle, etc) attraction also exists.

It takes time to work these things out, and that's ok.

Nothing wrong with that if your OK with not being in a relationship. Being in a bad relationship or a very wrong one for you could be a lot worse. However there does seem to be a lot of pressure in suciety to be in a relationship & the pressure can be hard to deal with sometimes.

I find some men hot but that does not mean I want to date them.

Sounds aromantic to me.

Thank you for saying aromantic colliegrace. Other people online might have different opinions.