My problem with relationships and age

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theprisoner
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17 Feb 2022, 9:24 am

r00tb33r wrote:

Have you considered castration?

Supposedly one loses all desire and sexual interest with it, and with it goes away all of the frustration, and the person is able to live a happier life enjoying other things. Supposedly some monks practice it.

He's trying to make his life better...not worse.

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Mona Pereth
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17 Feb 2022, 9:43 am

dorkseid wrote:

ironpony wrote:

I see what you mean. But can you try persuing those younger women in then or have you tried?

The research I've found on age gap relationships is rather grim.

... Grim in what way?

Speaking as an autistic woman, almost all of my relationships, including my best and longest-lived relationships, have been with people who were either quite a bit older than or quite a bit younger than me.

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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 17 Feb 2022, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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17 Feb 2022, 10:19 am

dorkseid wrote:

Mona Pereth wrote:

Special ed is a female-dominated field.

Correction: it is a married female dominated field.

Autistic women are much less likely than NT women to be married, or to have a partner, or to have children. There are plenty of un-partnered autistic women here on Wrong Planet, for example, even though autistic women are apparently more likely to find partners than autistic men.

Everything is pointing to the best way for you to find a partner being for you to be involved in the creation of a new, female-dominated group of neurodivergent people. A group of ND special ed teachers would fit the bill perfectly.

The only problem is that there probably aren't a lot of ND special ed teachers in your immediate neck of the woods. So the group you are involved in the creation of would have to be national or regional, with virtual meetings.

Hopefully it could also spawn a subgroup that would hold occasional virtual social gatherings for unpartnered members. If you are one of the founding members, you would be in an excellent position to suggest this as an idea.

If you were to find a long-distance relationship this way and you both had teaching jobs, hopefully you would then be able to afford to move, even if you can't afford to move now.

Mona Pereth
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17 Feb 2022, 12:07 pm

dorkseid wrote:

Here are some videos of clinical psychologists talking about the issues surrounding age gap relationships:

Some interesting points:

-In contrast to common belief, women actually tend to prefer younger men.

-Women married to older men tend report the least satisfaction, while women married to younger men report the highest satisfaction.

-Age gap relationships are associated with higher levels of depression.

-Women in age gap marriages, whether older or younger than their husbands, typically have shorter life spans.

As always, these discussions assume neuronormativity. I don't understand how these issues would play out in my personal situation. Women my age are typically much more experienced than me in relationships, have been mothers for half their lives, and have been established in their careers and financially stable for a much longer time than me. While the women that are closer to me in terms of life experience are typically at least 15 years younger than me.

Basically, there just aren't any women who are appropriate for me at this point. Its just too late for me.

As the first video acknowledges, there has not been a lot of scientific study of this topic. And, in the few studies there have been, the results are just statistical trends, not absolute generalizations.

Another thing I'd like to point out: Correlation does not equal causation. For example, one video mentioned a the correlation between age-gap relationships and depression. But this doesn't necessarily mean that the age-gap relationships caused the depression. Another possibility might be that people who are already depressed, for other reasons, are more likely to get into age-gap relationships.

In any case, the majority of participants in these studies are probably NT. I would expect age-gap relationships to be much more common among autistic people than among NT's.

ironpony
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17 Feb 2022, 12:35 pm

I don't understand the big deal about age gaps in relationships. Some people act like it's controversial like how interracial and homosexual relationships were in the 50s for example. Why can't a lot of people be progressive about age gap relationships?

auntblabby
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17 Feb 2022, 1:08 pm

ironpony wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

ironpony wrote:

Well I just don't get why the OP is not willing to get his hands dirty if he wants results and just for younger women. Sure they may reject you OP but at least try. And I'm sorry you are morbidly obese, but they are morbidly obese young women out there too.

I'm not sure if the OP wants to settle with a morbidly obese woman though?

But he himself is morbidly obese so he can't afford to be double standard-ish in who he pics most likely.

the OP is expressing his pain, which i also am well-familiar with in my own situation, about his status and situation in life, so you must know that is not the right thing to say to a brother aspie on this thread. :shameonyou:

Benjamin the Donkey
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17 Feb 2022, 2:05 pm

ironpony wrote:

*Applause*

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cyberdad
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17 Feb 2022, 3:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

“The Hand” alleviated much sorrow, and provided relief.

My right hand mistress :lol:

cyberdad
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17 Feb 2022, 3:36 pm

auntblabby wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

sartre-esque "no-exit" hellworld we live in.

Anything like this?

a hell not of fire but of ice-

God cleansed the world with water. The fire next time.

cyberdad
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17 Feb 2022, 3:38 pm

ironpony wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

ironpony wrote:

I'm not sure if the OP wants to settle with a morbidly obese woman though?

But he himself is morbidly obese so he can't afford to be double standard-ish in who he pics most likely.

In my experience, a lot of overweight guys remain single because in their minds they want a slim girlfriend.

auntblabby
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17 Feb 2022, 3:51 pm

cyberdad wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

“The Hand” alleviated much sorrow, and provided relief.

My right hand mistress :lol:

nothing compares 2 dolly

auntblabby
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17 Feb 2022, 3:54 pm

cyberdad wrote:

ironpony wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

ironpony wrote:

I'm not sure if the OP wants to settle with a morbidly obese woman though?

But he himself is morbidly obese so he can't afford to be double standard-ish in who he pics most likely.

In my experience, a lot of overweight guys remain single because in their minds they want a slim girlfriend.

lotta slender guys like myself are in the same boat.

r00tb33r
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17 Feb 2022, 4:59 pm

Those women are people too. They too have their own desires. They don't exist just to please you, they've got their own life to live. It's your responsibility to be desirable.

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auntblabby
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17 Feb 2022, 5:07 pm

some of us just weren't born with those genes, that is the thing about being born on the wrong planet.

r00tb33r
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17 Feb 2022, 5:09 pm

Sure, but those women aren't obligated to change or accommodate.

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auntblabby
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17 Feb 2022, 5:10 pm

just have to find alternatives to them, is all.

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